The last project I did for this director, there was a lot of joy. Wait...not joy...celebration. I couldn't wait to announce it and brag and share. This one...
...
...ugh...
and I know she must feel it as well. I hate being involved in something someone isn't proud of. It actually makes me ill. To think that we've failed. But failure is never trying and we tried. BOY, did we try. And somehow, it felt derailed somewhere. By personalities. By drama. All the above.
I wish I had the answers to how most projects go. A lot don't walk away with kind words for one another. A project I went to a screening for recently, the producer had some choice words about the actress. That actress showed up to the screening and all was forgotten. I suppose. Success, like winning in sports, cures all. I won't lie, I miss that feeling of finishing something and being able to promote it like a madman. To be proud of it without seeming like I was patronizing it. Too much muddy water. Too much...that needs to be walked away from...for now.
There wasn't an announcement. Bad sign. That sinking feeling we'd not done well. The brisk notice of accomplishment that isn't followed up with gushing between the participants. Just..a sad...slide to the end. Did I cause this? Hard to say. Probably didn't help we were all complicit in its final. I did the best I could. I really did. But again...what was once a massively proud undertaking becomes a slog to promote. I'm gonna disappear for a while from this. And from them.
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