Doing For Others

It is inevitable in this business that you will feel used at one point. Though, you will also be using. And therein lies a balance you must strike with people you will deal with.
A writer once said that there are no friends in Hollywood, only people you want something from. There is some cynical truth to that. A lot of times, that thing isn't even tangible. Perhaps it's just to put off loneliness, but people in power like to dole out favors because they'd like to be remembered. Harvey Weinstein comes to mind how that level of power really corrupted his Jabba The Hut brain. Had Harvey done his business without all the bluster, he'd still be in business. He's been stripped of his crown of indie cinema, but is now putting together a defense. Can't wait to discover how the actresses who used him to get what THEY want.
See how that works?

This could lead to deep resentment. Resentment is a commodity in town. I have some friends who say they would never be resentful for another person's success. I find this to be disingenuous. If a person who just stumbles into town suddenly becomes the next big thing whilst you've been toiling for decades  and end up nowhere, doesn't get you in the gut, you probably need to find a new business. Because, here's the bitch of it, talent and time doesn't get you the prize. It's a crapshoot how it works and the odds are slightly better than the lottery. But this is where the predators come out. There are some in the business who simply prey on that hope. This is despicable behavior and, frankly, life would be better if they were killed off. These people know how young and dumb come to Hollywood daily. It's like a war. Fresh meat for the grinder. To me, I pity those people, because they have no clue. They think they understand but they don't really. Anyway, what these predators do isn't necessarily exploit for their benefit but perhaps give them side work while they toil. In terms of crew work, it's grip work with some odd Israeli production that ends up stiffing everyone after the picture wraps (how would I know that? heh heh heh). In the talent arena, probably porn.

To be honest, people are more savvy these days. Though that makes them paranoid to everything (in which case, don't come to Hollywood). There is a certain naivete that is required to show, maybe a little bit of enthusiasm for the business (Did I mention I hate being on set?). Like prison, you can tell the new people by how over eager they are to get involved (this is a dumb move since, overeagerness tends to be the person who makes the simplest, dumbest mistakes...how would I know that? heh heh heh).

So, look, go ahead and do people favors who need favors, but don't think of it as favors. This is precious time you cannot get back. And if you live in a Thunderdome existence, this will grate on you. This is why most people here are self-centered egotists. Now how would I know that? Heh heh heh.

You Wanna Know The Secret Of Making It?

All my friends who have been successful in the film industry have done a few things. Want to know what they are?

1) keep working - this is what gets people done more than anything. The work involved in "making it" has nothing to do with attending parties (a small portion does) or does it mean partying with friends. It means...working. A lot of people have spent weekends...working. It's the worst, because you lose a lot of friends this way. They are out there having fun. You...can't. It has to be meat in the seat and grind it out. Saturday nights are the worst. But you have to take yourself out of the game. This means sometimes being incredibly lonely. That is the sacrifice.

2) never start something you don't finish. Always finish. If it's bad, it's bad, but that sense of accomplishment carries into a greater truth, which is... always follow through with what you are promising. IF you promise something...fulfill that promise. Again, it may be inconvenient, but you get nowhere if you keep making these grand plans to sink them. Now you know why some people never even start.

3) Always create. This is the worst for people who have personal lives. Because your focus is on movies, a lot of the rest falls to white noise. This is NOT good for relationships. You forget birthdays, anniversaries and plans. YOU NEED TO CARVE OUT TIME.

My friend once asked me if I was a fag because I never talk about girls. Now that I get older, it occurs to me that in the back of my mind, the selfish part of me doesn't want to waste a few minutes of fucking (yeah, I suck at it, shit in a hat) for hours, days, months and years with a girl. This is why people in my business hire whores. They are cheaper than having to pretend you actually care about someone. I like to think my best asset is that I listen. I process. This is an art. Most people in our business (listen to them) ramble about what THEY'RE doing. Who fucking cares? There inevitably will be someone doing something MUCH bigger, better with a budget. In other words, stay humble. Be that person who processes what people are saying. When you discover film people are vapid, you can go ahead a never contact that person again. Most people like to talk about themselves. Nothing more clear than working around movie people.

My final words on this...WORK. Work sucks. Making movies suck. But that's what it is. You'll get to tell war stories later but for now...work.

The Good Ol' Days In Hollywood

To be honest, I remember very little of my first years here in Hollywood due to heavy drinking which most likely destroyed my hippocampus. I feel nothing anymore as I drive by my old haunts. Having lived there for a year before moving to the Valley, a lot has changed. It's less the traditional Hollywood you would see in movies of the 60's and 70's and more of the downtown hip places of an open air mall. To me, it's sad and boring.

But I get that Hollywood had to survive. There were moments, in those days, where I could walk from Van Ness Avenue (where I lived) to the other side of LaBrea (Hollywood Boulevard) and see maybe ten people. The air was dense with smog (I was smoking then, so it was hard to tell). The feeling was pretty morbid. That the deceased of Hollywood were beneath your feet (the Walk Of Fame). The street was in disrepair. The stores were falling apart. They had movie memorabilia shops and sex shops and strip clubs. The Pantages and The Frolic Room were still a place. I was so broke. I spent my afternoons at Bally's gym and then went over to watch a double feature at a theater on Hollywood Boulevard. It was called The Vine theater, and you could watch 2 movies for $5.

The Sandy Burger next to it was phenomenal. A smiling Korean guy ran it. It was literally a hole in the wall. You had to wiggle around to get a bar stool. The guy cooked behind a plexiglass separation and for $5 you could get a massive pile of chicken fried rice cooked right in front of you like a teppan grill. That was the life. But obviously I was broke beyond a joke. I was in constant fear of being evicted or just desperately trying to find a way into the business. I can't imagine what it must be like now. Or why anyone would attempt it now. But I know some people and I have the greatest sympathies for the newbies who come into town. It sucked so bad sometimes that I just wanted to go back home. But a lot of logistics prevented me from actually doing it. Least of all was even having enough gas money to get there. Haha. Great times.

A lot of us have survived the millenium years and have come out a little shell shocked, haggard and...well looking like a 70's game show washed up celebrity edition. I'm pretty sure I was the last generation that experienced the old Hollywood that are in movies. The newbies only see the Times Square-like circus. The dank, grime and history is fading. Much like the classics. I'm not sure what history they have to draw on. A friend had told me her favorite movie of all time was "Jurassic Park." And interesting choice as it does tackle that sense of wonder. I often wonder how the new folk here see the new Hollywood. Is it disappointing? Do they know the history of the ground in which the walk. I always had that reverence.

Stillness

A friend recently got a Hollywood apartment for about $2600. He also bought a fancy new car and he's getting furniture for his place. It's pretty incredible, I'm not going to lie. I remember when he first started at the company where I trained him in one aspect. I knew he was going to move up and out and be successful. HOWEVER, I don't ever get the sense he will be happy.

I run into this often where I take on a lot of projects. It's not really the final outcome that matters, I believe it's the chaos and comraderie. That, I'm sure, military people miss as well. I worked in the movie industry on production for a good 7 years before getting into a regular job in post production. Truth be told, I function better when I work alone. Though the results just appear and the people in charge move on.

I don't sense this friend will ever fully understand gratitude. Being grateful for being alive and breathing air and being a part of organisms is a blessing. I use to think the same way. That I've been cursed in this body, in this mind with this situation, but in reality...the being within is what is important. All the small knick knacks and toys and comfortability was never for myself, it was always for others. And while that's fine if you take on that responsibility, it often lets to more resentment. You earn a great deal of material wealth to entice a girl, she likes that you are successful but then you have to buy the house, the car and so forth. It's not being materialistic, as women would tell you. But it's really about whether your children will be provided for. And that's the other thing...that is also financially soul sucking. My Dad would lament out loud what he could purchase in life had he no children. He was joking (I hope) but it also brought in mind that he was never given a chance. In his generation, they would get married young  and with a girl who was their age. Very few marriages in Taiwan were because they fell madly in love. It was because it was convenient and they could have a future. Fast forward decades and we see that a friendship had formed. Many Americans work opposite.

What I'm getting at with stillness is that we all need to take a break in life. I sense I'm taking too much a lot of the time. This hectic feel means to say "idle hands are the devil's playground" means you get in trouble when you have time to think. I'm not sure that's as valid today. I feel the hands are not what is idle, but the life. Idle life is a devil's playground BUT...a still mind combats it. A still mind that doesn't require a nearly $3000 apartment to silence his demons.

"Saturday Night Live"

You know people constantly say how SNL use to be funny. The last great cast was in the 1990's. David Spade, Adam Sandler and Chris Farley and, of course, Phil Hartman. This was also the last year SNL was less...political and more satirical. "Schmitz Gay" beer ad would not fly today. Though it does nothing but show that slovenly pasty people with guts can also be gay. That's genius. But "progressives" would kill that in a heartbeat...on social media. I'd want creator Lorne Michaels to come out one day and admit his Left leaning party are pussies and have handcuffed him to obvious material.

They can blow hard all they want about how they don't have an agenda, but the truth is Lorne Michaels, the Canadian, is a Lefty. Big surprise in comedy OR entertainment.

To me, looking back, SNL was never funny. Even with the likes of Eddie Murphy, that was more The Eddie Murphy Show rather than SNL. John Belushi was painfully overrated. Still unfunny. Most of his physical humor sort of...reminds me of Dad frat humor. It feels like most were done on a dare. Dan Akroyd was more serious than funny. He was the deadpan straight man. Unless you count "Neighbors" which is REALLY bad.

But the real gripe I have about SNL is that, as topical of humor as it can be, it isn't edgy anymore. They attack low hanging fruit and leave a bubble around people like ultra-young and super socialist Alexandria Cortex from the Bronx. There are a TON of jokes to be mined. None of which SNL want to touch. Shows like "In Living Color" would've hit that hard. As would "MadTV." Because humor ISN'T who you like on your baseball team. That makes you a bully actually. It's that we can rib each other. That we can all take a joke. Instead, it's anti-Trump and anyone associated with the Right. That's actually cowardly. I think the braver thing to do is to poke fun at your own base and let the chips fall. But they seem to realize how fragile their emotions are. Derailed and unhinged.
To boot, SNL has never had a full time Asian cast member. Lorne Michaels is a racist bigoted piece of shit, for that reason only. And he hides in plain sight.
Now what?

Notre Dame

When I was a kid, I use to draw pictures of the Eiffel Tower. Boy I loved France. I think because I was in love with the French women's accents. They seemed much more...elegant than American women. Sexy sleek lines. Like an oversexed jaguar. I also imagined they were into some real kinky shit.
I never made it to Paris...my dream city since 7th grade. And now, not only are they having terrorist issues, but class warfare and now Notre Dame cathedral has burned.
Arson is my guess.
But that aside, I am so deeply saddened something that is near 900 years is in ruins. That's nearly 3 times as old as America, people. BUT, here's the upside...
...I am now alive to see something being rebuilt. History rebuilt. I am on the ground floor to experience Notre Dame start again. Can you imagine? If you consider that, the disaster isn't as painful because...well, I have to think of something positive. But it is history, though religious (as I am not).
I'm thinking of you France. Be well. The ones who are alive to mourn are at the very least alive.

Why Are You Even Doing This?

Somewhere in your career, if you ever have one, you ask yourself...why are you doing this? The answer, obviously, is different to everyone. Some want fame or fortune. I've learned after well over a decade working in the film business, that it's not something you can easily define.
For me, it might be, simply because I took myself out of the real game (or rather, I aged out because of my reluctance to shoot digital). I have a TON of sympathy for people hustling out there, and also for students.
Film students, to me, are the true dreamers. Willfully naive to the disappointment that hasn't hit them yet. They enrolled in film school in order to tell a story that has been gnawing at them. At my college, which was Jesuit, they told stories of fallen faith. A ton of them. They suck. And no one wanted to see them.
A lot of the professors probably did their best to steer us towards a career. Many were fine to let us sink (as they are failed filmmakers as well). The ones who did make it, didn't really finish film school. Believe it or not. Spielberg, Coppola (never finished), Paul Thomas Anderson. These were dropouts or what I would rather define as drop ins. Because the best experience you have is on a real set.

The cinematographer I typically use has a bright smile to her face when she's on set. I recall that feeling.  The comraderie of people with a common goal. Most who come from the military function in the film business the best. There is a chain of command (union shoots anyway).

For me, I hate being on set. I think because I hate to see waste. Time ticks by and things move so slowly that before long people are there for 20 hours. The other thing, my own person feeling about my craft is always tearing out my hair. I see the mistake before I make it, then make it. It takes me months before I can accept that the work is fine and that people are happy. I take it personally. The ones who succeed in this industry DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. But I can't shake the feeling I've failed at the plan I set out. There are a ton of people who are perfectly okay with the result. They got it done, they're proud of it and they move forward. This is something that will debilitate many people who feel empathy. There's too much money and effort to half-ass something.

Therein lies the truth of this industry. We don't want to disappoint. To me, it's how criticism tears you up. So, admittedly...as a rule now, I tend to care less. Or attempt to. Which is why I do this. To make projects without the eyes of the universe bearing down on you. This is why I have so much respect for those out there doing their best in this brutal business.
And in some sense, why I offer a little bit of respite from the harsh reality about to hit the newbies in this town, by making these short films. I see their path and it's not easy. The tough love guy would shrug and nod as the weak start to trail off to other endeavors outside of the industry. The softer side wants me to warn them of the realities.
Of course, it's different for everyone, but if you play the odds...