I urge everyone who reads this to show a little more decency to one another.
I am constantly surprised how many people will shirk their responsibility or fault and lie, for what amounts to not much. This is a fight or flight mindset, supposedly. The honorable thing is to be honest. This is what is missing because we are very suspicious of one another.
Being from the midwest there are a few things we USE to have. 1) always be kind to your neighbor 2) always help your neighbor.
This dissipates in larger cities, simply because of survival. The unfortunate thing is that this breeds terrible people from once good people. A decent person only needs to face a handful of awful people to "learn their lesson" in survival. No one else cares, regardless if it meant your health or well being. To most people in L.A. it seems they look to take advantage of people and guise it under "they were gonna screw me before I screw them." Money. And the money people turn us against one another.
My sister told me that George Harrison, in his dying breath said "love one another."
For me, I would want to say "be kinder to one another."
There are incredibly honorable people in this world that just want fairness and honesty. Too many have infected our mindset the opposite. And now, we see a more rabid selfish society. When you spill milk, admit it, clean it up and move forth with a clear conscience. It has worked for me for so long. So it is disappointing when people choose to be dishonest. It's actually MORE work to be dishonest according to what I see.
The sadness I feel now, is that people repeatedly choose the other option of being dishonest for preservation. Or that punishment would hurt them. This is a child's mentality. When I was a kid, we had movies about man'ing up and doing the right thing. Today...it's about what you attempt to get away with, and I'm tired of it.
Be decent. Do the right thing.
Friday, May 24, 2019
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
Dad...Again
I think most people don't understand the way to be a father these days. Most of them out here have sleeves of tats and dress their kids up like mini-them. With Metallica concert shirts, and a faux-hawk. In essence, it's a grown man with a doll.
Though I will say, today's father sticks ultra close to their children. I know of one that stays at home while the wife does the heavy lifting in the world. He is a writer and they don't get eccentric with their kid.
My Dad owned his own business. As I've written in the past, my respect for him is pretty damn high. But wasn't always this way. Especially through high school. It was my own issues. Pop made sure gas was always in the tanks of my sister's cars (though they didn't have much of a social life to drive to) and that everything was paid for. Both him and my Mom didn't let us ever see a bill. Somehow that was an adult thing. We had to focus on getting into college. Then he went to work at 10am didn't get home until 10 at night. Later on, it was 8pm, but that's pretty good for a person who owned the business.
He never did things like go on Boy Scout retreats with me. Which I can see a hovering Dad would do. Or build tree houses, as good wood is used for the home (we did build a lackluster dog house). We'd go see movies (as I've mentioned in the past and won't go into here).
The thing is...I'm very grateful and honored and exceptionally lucky to have the Dad I got. He doesn't expect accolades or attention, though jokes about how many Rolls-Royces he could buy if we hadn't existed. And he went about his life like this was normal. Meanwhile, my high school friends' parents were divorced, abusing substances, absent and so forth. You'd be surprised how many rich WASPy parents are never home but always doing something cool. Seems to have extended to a Millenial group.
What I really respect above all is the ability to deal with women. He is surprisingly progressive when it came to women's rights. He's never expressed to me how my two sisters couldn't be something big. This from an Asian culture. He championed them to read and learn the world. Never a protest for my one sister who loved to travel. Aside from the occasional gripe about taking care of her kids. But it was never malicious. He tells things in observations. I am desperate to harness this qui and bottle it and share with Americans, because we really need more of this behavior now. Gentle, patient but has a firm sense of duty and right and wrong.
My Dad has faced some tragedies in his life. His older brother died young. And he had to hold his family together afterwards, as he became the oldest son. I'd like to pretend as if it was some Ancient Asian thing, but I think it was a survival instinct. The younger kids looked to my Dad for support. And I've never seen him crumple under stress. Never really mentions it either. In fact, I think his mantra has always been how much stress kills you young. He had a business partner, that died young (in my opinion). He also took in my nephew when others had turned their backs. As my sister put it, he was the only one who remembered we shared the same DNA. At the protest of my hot-headed Mom.
If this is a lot of sunshine about my Pops, yeah, I suppose it is. I'm sure a few that read this may see similarities in their own Dad. What I'm getting at is...how lucky I am to have spent this time and wish it could go on forever. But would we value the time if it were infinite? I hope you see it that way.
Though I will say, today's father sticks ultra close to their children. I know of one that stays at home while the wife does the heavy lifting in the world. He is a writer and they don't get eccentric with their kid.
My Dad owned his own business. As I've written in the past, my respect for him is pretty damn high. But wasn't always this way. Especially through high school. It was my own issues. Pop made sure gas was always in the tanks of my sister's cars (though they didn't have much of a social life to drive to) and that everything was paid for. Both him and my Mom didn't let us ever see a bill. Somehow that was an adult thing. We had to focus on getting into college. Then he went to work at 10am didn't get home until 10 at night. Later on, it was 8pm, but that's pretty good for a person who owned the business.
He never did things like go on Boy Scout retreats with me. Which I can see a hovering Dad would do. Or build tree houses, as good wood is used for the home (we did build a lackluster dog house). We'd go see movies (as I've mentioned in the past and won't go into here).
The thing is...I'm very grateful and honored and exceptionally lucky to have the Dad I got. He doesn't expect accolades or attention, though jokes about how many Rolls-Royces he could buy if we hadn't existed. And he went about his life like this was normal. Meanwhile, my high school friends' parents were divorced, abusing substances, absent and so forth. You'd be surprised how many rich WASPy parents are never home but always doing something cool. Seems to have extended to a Millenial group.
What I really respect above all is the ability to deal with women. He is surprisingly progressive when it came to women's rights. He's never expressed to me how my two sisters couldn't be something big. This from an Asian culture. He championed them to read and learn the world. Never a protest for my one sister who loved to travel. Aside from the occasional gripe about taking care of her kids. But it was never malicious. He tells things in observations. I am desperate to harness this qui and bottle it and share with Americans, because we really need more of this behavior now. Gentle, patient but has a firm sense of duty and right and wrong.
My Dad has faced some tragedies in his life. His older brother died young. And he had to hold his family together afterwards, as he became the oldest son. I'd like to pretend as if it was some Ancient Asian thing, but I think it was a survival instinct. The younger kids looked to my Dad for support. And I've never seen him crumple under stress. Never really mentions it either. In fact, I think his mantra has always been how much stress kills you young. He had a business partner, that died young (in my opinion). He also took in my nephew when others had turned their backs. As my sister put it, he was the only one who remembered we shared the same DNA. At the protest of my hot-headed Mom.
If this is a lot of sunshine about my Pops, yeah, I suppose it is. I'm sure a few that read this may see similarities in their own Dad. What I'm getting at is...how lucky I am to have spent this time and wish it could go on forever. But would we value the time if it were infinite? I hope you see it that way.
Monday, May 20, 2019
Parent's Love
A parent's love is indescribable. Though we have to live the life we're given, parents worry. A ton. It's not the same worry we feel for them. It's on a spiritual level that could gut a person if a child is yanked away. I cannot fathom the levels of which a child who was murdered in a school shooting to a parents' heart. In this day and age, there isn't much holding people back from diving into a deep depression (with good reason).
My 20 year old nephew went to my parents' house to live. They are in their 70's and I would say, it's not a bad idea having someone that young looking after them. He is a good kid...deep down inside. I can see a lot of my 20 year old self within his behavior. But he is less self-destructive. Listless and such, but has a very keen idea where his life has gone. He neither is shamed by his situation nor cares. A Millenial at the core, but...it doesn't seem to bother him. And if he's good with that, I have no problems either. My Mom, his grandmother, had a major issue. And it didn't dawn on me why until this past weekend.
See, my Mom is internally hysterical person. On the outside she is strength. Stone cold sometimes, willing to listen and...well, a survivor. When my nephew came to live with her, she had massive reservations. My Dad, on the other hand, loves him dearly, because he shares our DNA. I understand. Family takes care of family. But a few things happens that no one ever considers. When my folks pass away, how will he deal with it. Having been reliant on responsible elderly adults is FAR different than being independent. It's not just the fact that they had passed on, it's that he is left with a void. And that silence could be deafening. I sense my Mom really doesn't want him to deal with their end. It was already crushing that his father wasn't there for him. Now if he had two people who did care for him "abandon" him, this is something that triggers a young man's psyche. In a sense, that is my Mom protecting him from the pain that comes with loss. I feel it already, and I haven't been there in over 20 years. That is a noble thought that I don't think my Mom can articulate.
A parent is always on guard. Worried, anxious and lying in wait for a tragedy. Imagine, not only thinking about their own lives but worrying about other lives as well. I can't even imagine, on an hourly basis how damaging this is to a person. If I had to think about it, I imagine it would feel like a constant water drip on your head in an underground wet basement. Torturous. Just waiting for the entire bucket.
I think the pain is insurmountable. I don't know how they get through it. I can barely consider myself. The pain of having others concern for you is the cycle that should be broken.
I remember in high school having the awful thought that being born is the worst thing that can happen to a lot of us. Because now we all owe a death. And none of it is fair.
A parent eventually understands these terms. It's crushing.
Hug your folks today, if you can. Family and friends are the most important.
My 20 year old nephew went to my parents' house to live. They are in their 70's and I would say, it's not a bad idea having someone that young looking after them. He is a good kid...deep down inside. I can see a lot of my 20 year old self within his behavior. But he is less self-destructive. Listless and such, but has a very keen idea where his life has gone. He neither is shamed by his situation nor cares. A Millenial at the core, but...it doesn't seem to bother him. And if he's good with that, I have no problems either. My Mom, his grandmother, had a major issue. And it didn't dawn on me why until this past weekend.
See, my Mom is internally hysterical person. On the outside she is strength. Stone cold sometimes, willing to listen and...well, a survivor. When my nephew came to live with her, she had massive reservations. My Dad, on the other hand, loves him dearly, because he shares our DNA. I understand. Family takes care of family. But a few things happens that no one ever considers. When my folks pass away, how will he deal with it. Having been reliant on responsible elderly adults is FAR different than being independent. It's not just the fact that they had passed on, it's that he is left with a void. And that silence could be deafening. I sense my Mom really doesn't want him to deal with their end. It was already crushing that his father wasn't there for him. Now if he had two people who did care for him "abandon" him, this is something that triggers a young man's psyche. In a sense, that is my Mom protecting him from the pain that comes with loss. I feel it already, and I haven't been there in over 20 years. That is a noble thought that I don't think my Mom can articulate.
A parent is always on guard. Worried, anxious and lying in wait for a tragedy. Imagine, not only thinking about their own lives but worrying about other lives as well. I can't even imagine, on an hourly basis how damaging this is to a person. If I had to think about it, I imagine it would feel like a constant water drip on your head in an underground wet basement. Torturous. Just waiting for the entire bucket.
I think the pain is insurmountable. I don't know how they get through it. I can barely consider myself. The pain of having others concern for you is the cycle that should be broken.
I remember in high school having the awful thought that being born is the worst thing that can happen to a lot of us. Because now we all owe a death. And none of it is fair.
A parent eventually understands these terms. It's crushing.
Hug your folks today, if you can. Family and friends are the most important.
Friday, May 17, 2019
Choices
I grew up with two older sisters and a shrew of a Mother. She appears nice, but boy...she takes you to task.
That said, do you think I'd ever tell them they didn't have a choice in life?
Fuck no.
And the government or some down south religion shouldn't either. The point is, we have free will. In this case, a lot of women have the free will to be whores. Wait, whores get paid paid...sluts. And then they need to get an abortion because they're too dumb to make the right decisions. Had women found me attractive in my teens and into my 20's I'm sure I'd be paying for a lot of abortions. Because I did some really dumb shit (choice).
To me, I think people should have choice. This is fucking America. A great country that, if your pursuit of happiness didn't hurt others, you lived an awesome life. No other country has that we are allowed to go get our happiness. Can you believe that?
Now, the opposition thinks getting a baby removed from a slut is wrong. But hates welfare...you guys are really dumb. We need LESS people on this planet regardless of religious ambiguity. That's right, a LOT of religion goes into this decision. Such as we cannot be doing the work of the Lord. Which should make it impossible for you to believe in the death penalty. Conversely, you assholes who fight against death penalty should not be for abortions (pending science).
In all, this conversation is really fucking weird. Individual rights seems to be being trampled on. Such as, if I had to shit in the park, and it was between that or nothing, do they expect me to hold my shit in? No, it's a bodily function that requires I do something about it. Now, I'm not saying birthing a brown baby is the same as birthing a baby, but I hope you get the idea. This was an odd blindside that I didn't expect because I thought we'd evolved from that. But the more I realize President Donald Trump is a figurehead of deeply Christian zealots regardless of what policy he may be passing, the more a new president needs to be in place in 2020.
In that case, Democrats need to come up with someone who isn't so fucking crooked. Everyone who threw their hat into the arena thus far are laughably bad.
That means, the Left will give us...no choice.
That said, do you think I'd ever tell them they didn't have a choice in life?
Fuck no.
And the government or some down south religion shouldn't either. The point is, we have free will. In this case, a lot of women have the free will to be whores. Wait, whores get paid paid...sluts. And then they need to get an abortion because they're too dumb to make the right decisions. Had women found me attractive in my teens and into my 20's I'm sure I'd be paying for a lot of abortions. Because I did some really dumb shit (choice).
To me, I think people should have choice. This is fucking America. A great country that, if your pursuit of happiness didn't hurt others, you lived an awesome life. No other country has that we are allowed to go get our happiness. Can you believe that?
Now, the opposition thinks getting a baby removed from a slut is wrong. But hates welfare...you guys are really dumb. We need LESS people on this planet regardless of religious ambiguity. That's right, a LOT of religion goes into this decision. Such as we cannot be doing the work of the Lord. Which should make it impossible for you to believe in the death penalty. Conversely, you assholes who fight against death penalty should not be for abortions (pending science).
In all, this conversation is really fucking weird. Individual rights seems to be being trampled on. Such as, if I had to shit in the park, and it was between that or nothing, do they expect me to hold my shit in? No, it's a bodily function that requires I do something about it. Now, I'm not saying birthing a brown baby is the same as birthing a baby, but I hope you get the idea. This was an odd blindside that I didn't expect because I thought we'd evolved from that. But the more I realize President Donald Trump is a figurehead of deeply Christian zealots regardless of what policy he may be passing, the more a new president needs to be in place in 2020.
In that case, Democrats need to come up with someone who isn't so fucking crooked. Everyone who threw their hat into the arena thus far are laughably bad.
That means, the Left will give us...no choice.
Wednesday, May 15, 2019
Abortion Ban
Now I've long since ditched religion since it seems to hide a TON of deviant assholes. But this...this is just too fucking weird.
Georgia AND Alabama have both now banned...abortion?!
Listen, you dumb backwoods fucks, your children are annoying and you want MORE children. Guess who wants abortions? Typically people who don't want kids. The ones who do, and lots of them are either Catholic or inner city, or super rural. Or all the above. These are already welfare cases.
SO bizarre that we are, in essence, back to the stone ages. Sort of. I suppose back in the day, cavemen just pushed women down some cliffs. Or had a tree branch or something. Today, it's probably not much different.
I've had a few friends who have had abortions, and you know something. It's devastating for them. For one thing, they're whores (just kidding) and then there's that nagging feeling that that child could've been someone important. Let's strike the second part for a minute.
Whores. I don't think these two states understand a whore will be a whore. They only have to trek to the other backwoods states to get their abortions and come back. Or something. They are now saying a doctor could get 99 years for performing an abortion. Seriously? What kinda' fucked up shit gives a doctor that many years? To them, I think they think it's murder. If you dissect it all, yes, literally it is. Life is gestating inside a woman...some strange guy kills it with a stick (or whatever it is now). That is brutal. But is that for us to decide. Fuck no. Also, it sure isn't for old grey fucks to do so either.
My point being, this decision is between a woman and herself. Some argue the dude. But let's be honest, once we drop our seed, by nature we're looking for other vessels to drop our seed in. That's nature. In this case, Mom is left alone. So you'd rather pay these welfare cases? Bullshit. All I hear complaints from the conservatives about are how we're being taxed too hard for other people's kids. This is your fucking way out, idiots!
Anyway, I am pro-life. Meaning given the choice, that is what I would choose. But then, you know, something called common sense kicks in and realizes I can't afford the kid I have.
People are dumb.
Georgia AND Alabama have both now banned...abortion?!
Listen, you dumb backwoods fucks, your children are annoying and you want MORE children. Guess who wants abortions? Typically people who don't want kids. The ones who do, and lots of them are either Catholic or inner city, or super rural. Or all the above. These are already welfare cases.
SO bizarre that we are, in essence, back to the stone ages. Sort of. I suppose back in the day, cavemen just pushed women down some cliffs. Or had a tree branch or something. Today, it's probably not much different.
I've had a few friends who have had abortions, and you know something. It's devastating for them. For one thing, they're whores (just kidding) and then there's that nagging feeling that that child could've been someone important. Let's strike the second part for a minute.
Whores. I don't think these two states understand a whore will be a whore. They only have to trek to the other backwoods states to get their abortions and come back. Or something. They are now saying a doctor could get 99 years for performing an abortion. Seriously? What kinda' fucked up shit gives a doctor that many years? To them, I think they think it's murder. If you dissect it all, yes, literally it is. Life is gestating inside a woman...some strange guy kills it with a stick (or whatever it is now). That is brutal. But is that for us to decide. Fuck no. Also, it sure isn't for old grey fucks to do so either.
My point being, this decision is between a woman and herself. Some argue the dude. But let's be honest, once we drop our seed, by nature we're looking for other vessels to drop our seed in. That's nature. In this case, Mom is left alone. So you'd rather pay these welfare cases? Bullshit. All I hear complaints from the conservatives about are how we're being taxed too hard for other people's kids. This is your fucking way out, idiots!
Anyway, I am pro-life. Meaning given the choice, that is what I would choose. But then, you know, something called common sense kicks in and realizes I can't afford the kid I have.
People are dumb.
Wednesday, May 8, 2019
A Few Things For Film Students
Lately I've been hanging with a few film students. They are extremely green but show some talent. They're organized and tackle projects as if they're on a mission. And have thus far been impressed with their efforts. A few things come to mind when I see the institutionalized learning though.
1) Film school is not real world scenario. I would say after you graduate film school, you can do one of two things...get on a set and be a production assistant and hustle your dick off. OR start writing. And have somewhat rich parents to supplement your living. Film school buffers you in that everyone in your class is available and that gear is at hand. Doesn't happen in the real world. This will derail 60-80% of the people desperate to work in movies. Logistics of a production in Los Angeles is fucking stupid. Everything can be done if you do it illegally. That's the unfortunate truth. In any other city outside the two fucking media ones (NY being the other) no one cares if you shoot in the park or other locations. Small restaurants love it actually. No one says shit. Los Angeles, they shake you down for $50 if you carried your camera past their store. This is the reality regardless of how unfair.
2) ALWAYS follow through. If I were to shine a spotlight on you, DO NOT FLAKE. I find this to be the worst quality any one who wants to work in movies can have. They do not follow through with something they say they will do. I shouldn't have to drag your ass up the mountain if to get up that mountain means your survival. Get it?
3) No one is a bigger fool than you. You will never fool anyone with being simple minded. I recall being on a set when I first graduated. I was hired as a grip for nothing a day. Now, the young brain of me thought what a low production it was. And everything I said on set was trying to play kind so people would take mercy on my inexperience. Guess what? NO ONE FUCKING CARES. In fact, they get sick of it within a few hours. Much like that Christine Blasey Ford's dumb girl act. You won't fool adults. So if you tell me "something suddenly came up"...that shit doesn't fly. And no one takes you seriously. By the way, if I'm the one being blown off, you really did me a favor by not having to have to do you one. That's how EVERYONE in the business considers new people. And it's a relief. You doing the brush off, on the other hand, still are trying to figure out what the best course of action to get into the business will be. These types who choose one of another simply based on "being a better time" will not make it. I've never seen that happen. Filmmaking is work. And it's work that is sometimes ugly and boring.
4) Kissing up to the wrong people. This business is not good for the ego. So people make one up. Most people in this town are worthless. Seriously, absolutely worthless. Because they are struggling as you are. And now with the new equality push, you are required to put in as much hard work as us. Welcome. That means waking up at 3 in the morning or drive out to some remote desert and pull electrical cable...as a point of starting out. Chances are you will get a desk job and bitch about inequality. Equality, to most women in this business, really means they can verbally blast the men who sexually or emotionally abused them. Everyone gets abused in this business. Men, most likely worse, simply because it's a weeding out process. White men are probably now the single most endangered species in Hollywood. Consider that equal? So what? Correct answer? Yes, move on.
5) Do not become bitter and cynical. I have a pretty bad streak when it comes to being bitter and cynical so perhaps my example isn't the best. BUT, what I do love is the craft. Set your compass. If having to deal with people sucks, do something else in the business that doesn't suck. If your goal is to make movies. Nothing will stop you. Some of my friends still have that dumb dream of directing big budgeted movies. Won't happen. Won't grow up. I won't grow up. Movie business is getting more and more corporate. And getting less the shaggy shant wearing hippie brain (I miss you Hal Ashby!). Find a niche for yourself that allows you to survive and you will.
These thoughts aren't meant to scare future film students. I think they aren't teaching the newcomers anything that is practical to the real world. Because the real world sucks. And we coddle the newcomers because...they're still tourist. Fuck, been here nearly 20 years and I still feel like a tourist. Now before you go thinking it's because it's sour grapes and I'm a washed up has-been. Kinda. It never became a career for me due to a few things mentioned. But, it also does weed out that special kind of nut who can do this year in and year out and attempt to function correctly. If you imagine the tiny group of people who do 90% of the work, you see the climb one must make, and hiding behind school education doesn't help.
The biggest thing I can add is this... get on whatever production you can do, be enthusiastic but not annoying and make people like and remember you. More than anything, be that person people like being around for hours and you'll win at this game.
1) Film school is not real world scenario. I would say after you graduate film school, you can do one of two things...get on a set and be a production assistant and hustle your dick off. OR start writing. And have somewhat rich parents to supplement your living. Film school buffers you in that everyone in your class is available and that gear is at hand. Doesn't happen in the real world. This will derail 60-80% of the people desperate to work in movies. Logistics of a production in Los Angeles is fucking stupid. Everything can be done if you do it illegally. That's the unfortunate truth. In any other city outside the two fucking media ones (NY being the other) no one cares if you shoot in the park or other locations. Small restaurants love it actually. No one says shit. Los Angeles, they shake you down for $50 if you carried your camera past their store. This is the reality regardless of how unfair.
2) ALWAYS follow through. If I were to shine a spotlight on you, DO NOT FLAKE. I find this to be the worst quality any one who wants to work in movies can have. They do not follow through with something they say they will do. I shouldn't have to drag your ass up the mountain if to get up that mountain means your survival. Get it?
3) No one is a bigger fool than you. You will never fool anyone with being simple minded. I recall being on a set when I first graduated. I was hired as a grip for nothing a day. Now, the young brain of me thought what a low production it was. And everything I said on set was trying to play kind so people would take mercy on my inexperience. Guess what? NO ONE FUCKING CARES. In fact, they get sick of it within a few hours. Much like that Christine Blasey Ford's dumb girl act. You won't fool adults. So if you tell me "something suddenly came up"...that shit doesn't fly. And no one takes you seriously. By the way, if I'm the one being blown off, you really did me a favor by not having to have to do you one. That's how EVERYONE in the business considers new people. And it's a relief. You doing the brush off, on the other hand, still are trying to figure out what the best course of action to get into the business will be. These types who choose one of another simply based on "being a better time" will not make it. I've never seen that happen. Filmmaking is work. And it's work that is sometimes ugly and boring.
4) Kissing up to the wrong people. This business is not good for the ego. So people make one up. Most people in this town are worthless. Seriously, absolutely worthless. Because they are struggling as you are. And now with the new equality push, you are required to put in as much hard work as us. Welcome. That means waking up at 3 in the morning or drive out to some remote desert and pull electrical cable...as a point of starting out. Chances are you will get a desk job and bitch about inequality. Equality, to most women in this business, really means they can verbally blast the men who sexually or emotionally abused them. Everyone gets abused in this business. Men, most likely worse, simply because it's a weeding out process. White men are probably now the single most endangered species in Hollywood. Consider that equal? So what? Correct answer? Yes, move on.
5) Do not become bitter and cynical. I have a pretty bad streak when it comes to being bitter and cynical so perhaps my example isn't the best. BUT, what I do love is the craft. Set your compass. If having to deal with people sucks, do something else in the business that doesn't suck. If your goal is to make movies. Nothing will stop you. Some of my friends still have that dumb dream of directing big budgeted movies. Won't happen. Won't grow up. I won't grow up. Movie business is getting more and more corporate. And getting less the shaggy shant wearing hippie brain (I miss you Hal Ashby!). Find a niche for yourself that allows you to survive and you will.
These thoughts aren't meant to scare future film students. I think they aren't teaching the newcomers anything that is practical to the real world. Because the real world sucks. And we coddle the newcomers because...they're still tourist. Fuck, been here nearly 20 years and I still feel like a tourist. Now before you go thinking it's because it's sour grapes and I'm a washed up has-been. Kinda. It never became a career for me due to a few things mentioned. But, it also does weed out that special kind of nut who can do this year in and year out and attempt to function correctly. If you imagine the tiny group of people who do 90% of the work, you see the climb one must make, and hiding behind school education doesn't help.
The biggest thing I can add is this... get on whatever production you can do, be enthusiastic but not annoying and make people like and remember you. More than anything, be that person people like being around for hours and you'll win at this game.
Monday, May 6, 2019
First Time Aware Of Movies
When did you get interested in movies?
My folks were cheap people. They use the term "frugal" But frugal got them a house and able to purchase reliable cars with cash in hand. Yep, they've never made a car payment and they bought their house within a few years. Insane to think about.
But I just remember we didn't have cable television, so I watched a TON of television. Since my parents were always working, we were babysat by my oldest sister, who couldn't care less whether we were fed or whether we even came home (buried in books) and the television. My generation is probably the last to deal with the 3-4 channel system. Or can at least remember it. My television was black and white. But, something in my Mom told her that we needed entertainment. Probably so we'd get out of her hair. So she bought me a 19" Zenith. I thought I'd won the lottery. I'd find ways to hack it so that the VCR could record off the television. Or I'd put the antennae on the far end of the window sill to pick up the UHF channels. Ma was really progressive when it came to getting the best (as Zenith was the best back then). She traded into a Sony years later. These t.v.s were also huge. It sat on top of my dresser. I had a pretty dope room, which now my nephew crashed out in. Doing the same thing, except this time...it's online gaming.
I'd watch a ton of edited television movies. Back in the day, the big 3 NBC, CBS and ABC would make "Movie Of The Week" You'd see some seriously corny shit. I recall all the stars of the 70's became the stars of the MOW 80's. That was great work for actors as it seemed they shot as fast as possible. Cheap but efficient. Some were pretty damn good though. A few ones were about alcoholism. Though every weekend, if you couldn't afford to go to movies, they'd show theatrical run movies (edited for commercials). This is where I got my bug. Watching these...well, what amounts to a marathon of movies. On Sunday, they'd play a block of films that had a theme. The one I can clearly remember is the John Hughes block. It would be "The Breakfast Club" (edited for t.v.), "
Sixteen Candles" and "Weird Science" I'd watch four hours of television to get to "Weird Science" because I had the hots for Kelly LeBrock. See, we lived for anticipation those days. Ordering on demand sort of killed that spirit of waiting for something good, and I pity those who never experience it (as I'm sure the next generation will pity those who have never experience virtual reality). After the marathon, I would sit in my room and write on my typewriter. Stories about the girls I liked or the drama I faced at school. In essence, living a teenage girl's life. Though, I will say, this impressed a lot of teachers. I think, because I traded my social life for expressing something creative. While the rest were partying and turning in last minute stories, I really put effort into crafting drama.
My folks' place is time capsule though. They seemed to have left it the way it was when all the children left. I wish my nephew would find some outlet for something that seems to be missing in him. I don't think he sees it, but it seems he really wants to figure it out one day. He talks to me a few times. Only when he gets going is when he really wants you to know he is interesting. Maybe he can be creative in his own way through movies one day.
My folks were cheap people. They use the term "frugal" But frugal got them a house and able to purchase reliable cars with cash in hand. Yep, they've never made a car payment and they bought their house within a few years. Insane to think about.
But I just remember we didn't have cable television, so I watched a TON of television. Since my parents were always working, we were babysat by my oldest sister, who couldn't care less whether we were fed or whether we even came home (buried in books) and the television. My generation is probably the last to deal with the 3-4 channel system. Or can at least remember it. My television was black and white. But, something in my Mom told her that we needed entertainment. Probably so we'd get out of her hair. So she bought me a 19" Zenith. I thought I'd won the lottery. I'd find ways to hack it so that the VCR could record off the television. Or I'd put the antennae on the far end of the window sill to pick up the UHF channels. Ma was really progressive when it came to getting the best (as Zenith was the best back then). She traded into a Sony years later. These t.v.s were also huge. It sat on top of my dresser. I had a pretty dope room, which now my nephew crashed out in. Doing the same thing, except this time...it's online gaming.
I'd watch a ton of edited television movies. Back in the day, the big 3 NBC, CBS and ABC would make "Movie Of The Week" You'd see some seriously corny shit. I recall all the stars of the 70's became the stars of the MOW 80's. That was great work for actors as it seemed they shot as fast as possible. Cheap but efficient. Some were pretty damn good though. A few ones were about alcoholism. Though every weekend, if you couldn't afford to go to movies, they'd show theatrical run movies (edited for commercials). This is where I got my bug. Watching these...well, what amounts to a marathon of movies. On Sunday, they'd play a block of films that had a theme. The one I can clearly remember is the John Hughes block. It would be "The Breakfast Club" (edited for t.v.), "
Sixteen Candles" and "Weird Science" I'd watch four hours of television to get to "Weird Science" because I had the hots for Kelly LeBrock. See, we lived for anticipation those days. Ordering on demand sort of killed that spirit of waiting for something good, and I pity those who never experience it (as I'm sure the next generation will pity those who have never experience virtual reality). After the marathon, I would sit in my room and write on my typewriter. Stories about the girls I liked or the drama I faced at school. In essence, living a teenage girl's life. Though, I will say, this impressed a lot of teachers. I think, because I traded my social life for expressing something creative. While the rest were partying and turning in last minute stories, I really put effort into crafting drama.
My folks' place is time capsule though. They seemed to have left it the way it was when all the children left. I wish my nephew would find some outlet for something that seems to be missing in him. I don't think he sees it, but it seems he really wants to figure it out one day. He talks to me a few times. Only when he gets going is when he really wants you to know he is interesting. Maybe he can be creative in his own way through movies one day.
Wednesday, May 1, 2019
Actresses In Hollywood
One of the things not mentioned during the #metoo era jazz is that there is a mutual benefit for those women who are desperate to find stardom.
The problem with most women in this town are that they are self-absorbed delusional wrecks. I've met too many to explain, but now with the internet, it has expanded to be pretty much...EVERY woman.
Not that I'm being a woman hater. Quite frankly, crazy women are the most fun. Though I tend to sidestep them now as I get older and have less patience. As a young man coming into L.A. you will more likely run into one of these rather than a nice normal girl. Those girls are boring. Like the girl who likes bad boys, it doesn't surprise me white knights exists as well.
I'd classify myself as a white knight. I didn't realize it before, but my Mom had mental issues as a kid. I'm sure it stemmed from her childhood. But I think I spent a great deal of time finding ways to amuse her. Playing a music instrument or telling jokes or whatever. I never felt that close to my Mom, because I started to see some cracks. I think she feels like we're all ungrateful. It's our way. That said, I came out here and sort of used my filmmaking to meet girls. That's what film nerds did. I can't speak for people like Harvey Weinstein, but for me it was a clumsy attempt at spending more time with women. Turns out all I had to do was to ask them out. Instead, I used a making of a movie to have something to talk about. Sad? Yes. But I got a really awesome girlfriend in college this way. I'm sure I wasn't the first and certainly aren't going to be the last.
In Hollywood, these women come to you. Broken toys of some sort (most women are, but it's not really their fault. Society, regardless of female empowerment still holds their value on appearances. This is nature...sorry). Then being surrounded by even MORE attractive women. Makes one leap from buildings. But that is the arena women live through. I've met a few female directors who have the body of Lara Croft. Both Patty Jenkins and Kathyrn Bigelow could be models. Would anyone listen to them if they looked like Marion the Librarian? Men or women, the worst place to be judged is in Hollywood.
This isn't any different than any other workplace. Guys find the hottest woman working at their company. In the case of Hollywood, it just so happens one is more stunning than the next. And they all are desperate to stand out. Predators like Weinstein understood this and took advantage. Me...I'm not that ballsy. I still wait for them to come to me.
But what I'm getting at is...don't get involved with women who want to work in the industry. Aside from their manic bi-polar borderline issues, it's also that YOU yourself need to focus on making movies with people who don't flake (remember my pet peeve of that). Or who go the distance with you. It's easy to figure out, they text you back within a day and they come with ideas. It doesn't surprise me that girls LOVE the character of Holly Golightly from "Breakfast At Tiffany's" she's a flake who does what she wants but beats the big city at their own game. Needless to say, that doesn't happen. But the fantasy of a strong woman who uses and loses men, women and whomever stands between them and their next adventure is enticing. Though, the realistic view is that beauty fades, and those types of women turn to pills and self-destruction. A hot girl who aged wanting to be treated like a goddess is one of the saddest thing you may encounter if you're here long enough.
Just keep making movies. Rememeber, FOCUS on what YOU want. Use and lose goes both ways.
The problem with most women in this town are that they are self-absorbed delusional wrecks. I've met too many to explain, but now with the internet, it has expanded to be pretty much...EVERY woman.
Not that I'm being a woman hater. Quite frankly, crazy women are the most fun. Though I tend to sidestep them now as I get older and have less patience. As a young man coming into L.A. you will more likely run into one of these rather than a nice normal girl. Those girls are boring. Like the girl who likes bad boys, it doesn't surprise me white knights exists as well.
I'd classify myself as a white knight. I didn't realize it before, but my Mom had mental issues as a kid. I'm sure it stemmed from her childhood. But I think I spent a great deal of time finding ways to amuse her. Playing a music instrument or telling jokes or whatever. I never felt that close to my Mom, because I started to see some cracks. I think she feels like we're all ungrateful. It's our way. That said, I came out here and sort of used my filmmaking to meet girls. That's what film nerds did. I can't speak for people like Harvey Weinstein, but for me it was a clumsy attempt at spending more time with women. Turns out all I had to do was to ask them out. Instead, I used a making of a movie to have something to talk about. Sad? Yes. But I got a really awesome girlfriend in college this way. I'm sure I wasn't the first and certainly aren't going to be the last.
In Hollywood, these women come to you. Broken toys of some sort (most women are, but it's not really their fault. Society, regardless of female empowerment still holds their value on appearances. This is nature...sorry). Then being surrounded by even MORE attractive women. Makes one leap from buildings. But that is the arena women live through. I've met a few female directors who have the body of Lara Croft. Both Patty Jenkins and Kathyrn Bigelow could be models. Would anyone listen to them if they looked like Marion the Librarian? Men or women, the worst place to be judged is in Hollywood.
This isn't any different than any other workplace. Guys find the hottest woman working at their company. In the case of Hollywood, it just so happens one is more stunning than the next. And they all are desperate to stand out. Predators like Weinstein understood this and took advantage. Me...I'm not that ballsy. I still wait for them to come to me.
But what I'm getting at is...don't get involved with women who want to work in the industry. Aside from their manic bi-polar borderline issues, it's also that YOU yourself need to focus on making movies with people who don't flake (remember my pet peeve of that). Or who go the distance with you. It's easy to figure out, they text you back within a day and they come with ideas. It doesn't surprise me that girls LOVE the character of Holly Golightly from "Breakfast At Tiffany's" she's a flake who does what she wants but beats the big city at their own game. Needless to say, that doesn't happen. But the fantasy of a strong woman who uses and loses men, women and whomever stands between them and their next adventure is enticing. Though, the realistic view is that beauty fades, and those types of women turn to pills and self-destruction. A hot girl who aged wanting to be treated like a goddess is one of the saddest thing you may encounter if you're here long enough.
Just keep making movies. Rememeber, FOCUS on what YOU want. Use and lose goes both ways.
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