Old Fuckface Has A Point

At the gym...
“You know, I did 8 sets while you were messing with your phone. You can cut your workout in half if you left it at home.”

I looked up an elderly man with a Vietnam Veterans cap on. He’d been following me from machine to machine. Which irked me, because I always move around if someone has the machine. But, of course, he needed to be where I was at the time. I saw him bantering between a muscle dude at the pec machine, most likely bitching about how I was on my phone.

“It’s not my phone, genius. It’s an iPod”

“Oh” he scoffed. “How many more sets do you have?” Wanting to tell him 100. Then the Asian gene kicked in, which is…respect your elders.

“Two more.”

“One of these days no one will talk to anyone any more” he seemed…distant.

I took out my earbuds…suddenly taken back at the situation…because I agreed with him. “I’m with ya, pal. I generally don’t like new electronics and shit either.” Trying desperately not to tell him that I was looking for Kenny Loggins "Meet Me Halfway" from the "Over The Top" soundtrack.

He must’ve been still fuming from my lingering on machines or he just doesn’t listen (like the rest of the world) “Guess I’m just too old fashioned.”

“Nah, I told him. I’m the same way. I hate new shit” and because I’m a dick, I followed up with…“I rode my bike here today, did you ride your bike here?” thinking to get under his skin. Presumably he is a Vietnam veteran…and I doubt a snot nose Chinaman would get his goat…again.

“I live too far. Well, not too far. But I drive. I’ll go to the grave with a 32 valve. I’d like to shoot every single Prius driver out there” I think he assumed I was a tree-hugger. Dumb fuckin’ judgmental senior. Okay, I bit…

“Oh, why’s that?”

“Because they drive like shit!!” he practically screamed. This while I was shouldering pressing. I laughed. I desperately wanted to work in a bit about why people would be proud to wear the cap of a war they lost. Like they have no shame. But…I’m sure he saw his brethren gutted by Charlie. So I didn’t push it.

“How old are you, guy?”  I asked, a bit glib but curious.

“68 years old” he seemed to stutter unsure if I would judge “but my girlfriend is 38”

I laughed really hard at that. “Nice work, old timer.” I wanted to really say “when do you pay off this new toy?” Because, let’s face it, it’s a mail order someone. Instead…”let me know your secret when you find out”

“Just because there’s no smoke coming out of the chimney, doesn’t mean there isn’t a fire down below” he seemed to sling this one around, defensively. I smiled. The guy has gumption. “Thanks for the wisdom. Have a great day”

He smiled back…”you too.” To which the conflict ended on friendly footing. I agreed with him, we do need to take out the earbuds and communicate more.