"Cinderella" (2015) review

Yeah I went to see this movie alone. It's not what you think. It was shot on film. That's why. I totally risked seeming like some pedophile, since the rest of the audience was made up of mothers and their little succulent daughters. That's a joke, you filthy fucking animals. The best was seeing a grandmother with her (assuming) grandchild. That was the sweetest. Princesses in different age brackets. I probably looked like some fucked up junkie staring at them with tears in my eyes that they spent time together at a movie like this.

The reason why this movie didn't light any fires, is because it's nothing new. It's exactly what you've seen, heard, read. But I don't care. I liked it for that. The cynic in me was bored to tears. Since the dialogue is corny. But then I tried to imagine what a book would read like. That's it. Directed by Kenneth Branagh, I was surprised how charming it was. Not because Branagh isn't charming, but because he's not someone I'd think on my radar to direct this (according to IMDB the original director was Mark Romanek (Yes..."One Hour Photo" creepy Robin Williams Mark Romanek). Disney's getting weird.

Anyway, what I really want to gripe on is the rating. It's rated "PG" by the MPAA. I have no idea why. There is nothing salacious, mean, scary, violent about it. In fact, it makes great effort to keep things on the line. Not even a crass joke. THEN it hit me. These old fuckers at the office probably watched it and got a chubby. The mere implication that a girl's cleavage could give you wood conjures sexual thoughts to these dinosaurs. Well MPAA...FUCK YOU. "Cinderella" was sweet. CORNY like you wouldn't believe. But this movie wasn't made for me.

Incidentally, anyone who says they can emulate this type of look through a digital raw file...good luck with that. THIS is a reason to shoot film. Texture, color and scope of this movie and the pure look was...magical. There is NOTHING like it. I've seen plenty of movies that attempted to get this look...not even close. And I'm not just schilling for film here. I was purposely trying to discount why they would shoot it. Man...the look is unbelievable.