Actor Nelsan Ellis, age 39 died of what is essentially heart failure due to alcohol withdrawal. A lot of folks do die of DTS, which is rumored how Amy Winehouse went. A guy I'd made a movie with Wendell Middlebrooks most likely did as well.
It's hard to gauge an addict of alcohol if you see them function properly during the daytime. It's the worst. Having gone through a complete detox myself, which I STRONGLY encourage others not to do it cold turkey...it is a tough grind to get back to that place before booze. Trust me, it's a terrible boring stupid life. But it will make it longer.
A friend who is addicted to pain medication recently asked me how I got off the sauce. I didn't have a clear answer other than the thought of dying from liver failure seemed painful. There are better ways to die on your feet. I didn't have an answer for pills. Everyone is different. For me, being able to journal here has helped me tremendously. I think a lot of addiction is general may stem from...emptiness that is never fulfilled in us. Somewhere in childhood or so.
I've been reading a book that addresses this. And I don't want to get into details as I've not finished reading it, but for the most part, we are already predetermined by events of before unconscious life who we will become. It's not to take the entire blame off bad behavior, but it does explain feelings, loss, and anger.
If you put this into terms of society not understanding people who mass murder OR have the capacity to murder, it's because in our core, we have a sense of loss and must regain feelings. Feelings and emotion are trigger moments. Though sometimes temporary, they go into a well of other unfulfilled goals. These things add up to what we strive to always become...a perfect person. Which is wholly unrealistic. But has never made us not try.
Consider the addiction as a way to feel (but not obtain) that sense of grandeur (though temporarily). Drugs, alcohol or other things to distract the emptiness of supposed failure is masked in something that makes you feel accomplished. I never understood why I felt like my hair was blowing in the breeze on a yacht I didn't own when I drank. Or the comforts of memories of better times. These are backpedals to memories that are certain, written and exact. An unknown is frightening and is risky and is always best numbed if things go to ruin.
We constantly supplant our lives to conceal what is the truth. Which is we are imperfect animals. It's not enough to know intellectually, that doesn't help. We have to actually feel it. And that is the hardest when you keep it at bay with the drinking or drugs.
To my friend who suffers from painkiller medication...I have to say...that is a rough road. Since when the actual prescription runs out, there is something worse on the horizon. Street painkillers will end your life. It's ruined my hometown.
What is the solution? I'll let you now when I get to that chapter.
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