As I walked into the office, the door was open. It’s in a
strip mall type area. Door…wide open. I stepped in when I saw my acupuncturist.
I apologized for being early. She hustled me in. Smiling and touchy feely and
in her Russian:
“It’s okay. How are you?” Didn’t wait for an answer. “I’ll
be with you in a second.” She seemed agitated. I waited in the waiting room, picked up a Time magazine
and started to read about the making of “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.”
“Fools!” I thought. I’ve got the inside scoop. I worked on
it (which I didn’t know any more than the average Comicon nerd). I flipped through the pages as Russian
was being flung around in the back room. None of my business. I continued to
read. A hairy, bear of a man appeared. I didn’t look up from the magazine, but
caught him out of the corner of my eye. Acupuncturist spoke to him curtly in
Russian and hustled him to the exit. He left the building, but didn’t get too
far. Just outside the door. To which she cheerfully switched gears and escorted
me to the room.
“Ah!” she was really flustered. “So much going on.” I
explained to her how awful I felt. Jaw and neck pain.
“Vee work on your back and then front.” I had no idea what
she meant but okay. “Take off shirt.”
To which she finally let loose with the commotion. She told
me a guy had come in and brought in her lover for acupuncture, I wish I was
making this up, and his wife had shown up! The commotion was the wife really
upset and trying to save his marriage. They also have a 6 year old kid. As I
laid there with my shirt off face down on the work table, I hear them STILL
arguing by my window. She apologized profusely.
“Sorry, they are friends, but this is…they come to my work
place. And they do this.”
“Man, you're caught in the middle.” I’m half expecting to hear
gun shots. But more scared that SHE was agitated. Being stuck with needles
while someone is distracted is…well, had she not been Russian, I’d be scared.
But with the amount of vodka these people can drink and still operate a
Kolishikov, I wasn’t all THAT worried. But still…
Then I felt a pin prick. I winced. The needle went into my
neck. Then the left palm (where I’d been experiencing numbness). Then a few more
into my trapezus area. It felt like when they hit a sore nerve. It felt painful
but good at the same time. Then she was quiet for a bit. Hovering over me. I
felt the needles move a little. Then I heard a machine hum. Which is when I
first felt the electric surge through a muscle. Like when you shock a frog. My
muscle twitched. It felt like a mini-shock wave through the tissue. It pulsed.
Felt odd and I stiffened.
“Wow. That’s odd.”
“Yes, it’s good?”
“Yeah, just feels weird. But fine.” I think it was a TENs
machine. But didn’t want to look up. After a while, the vibrations started to
feel really good. Which is when I zonked out.
A few minutes later, she returned. Asked me how I felt. I
told her she could amp it up a bit. Which she did. And I went into a spasm. She
tuned the machine down. Man, it was a weird feeling. But good weird. She
finished with a bunch of needles to my jaw and lower neck.
This is by far the best session I had. Funny, that couple’s
spat that occurred just outside my window just seemed to disappear. BUT, it
brings me back to my original assessment of this woman. She surrounds herself
with some real drama. I mean, most people in holistic medicine seem to
desperately need it themselves. I suppose that theory exists for a reason.
Ah…North Hollywood.
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