Yea, You Tipped 'Em Back Pretty Hard

I visiting a friend at a camera house yesterday. I told him how people at my company have some health issues. To which he broke down who was a raging drunk. I suspected, but never knew for a fact a few of them. Long term damage really. Little tell-tale signs no one mentions. Being forgetful. Mood swings. Muddy brained rambling. He use to work for the company I worked for now. He saw it, because it was the same symptoms he'd seen in his own father. An abusive drunk, so focused on perfection. Or perhaps perfection he could never achieve. So he took it out on the son.

I digress. The entire time I'd been standing there talking to him, it dawned on me that these were the symptoms I'd exhibited. There are people who see what a drunk will not see. That's their own habit. Maybe this is just denial, but I'm certain most of us think that if we can function, it's not bad.

It really hit home, when I was driving a friend home. And I'd told him that I didn't drink anymore. It'd been over a year now. He calmly said "Good. You tipped 'em back pretty hard." That struck me. I'd seen this fellow maybe three times in a year. And he could see I was in trouble. The denial came later. But it was heartbreaking because even casual friends saw something wrong. People notice when you don't. To me, it was easier to admit that they were a bunch of wet blankets, over the fact that I had real issues with booze. It was easier to say "hey, I do my job and I get enough to eat...that's good enough." But it isn't. Potential ran into a brick wall.

I am convinced we are, by nature, ritualistic. A stop at my local liquor store fell into the pattern. And to not, sent me into anxiety. Changing anything meant anxiety. But, things are better. I need to learn to cope with stress better. As my friend from the camera house said after I lamented how young these guys had passed it away. It's not about the stress, it's how you handle it. To these guys (his assertion) they probably wigged out over the sandwich choices at Subway. It's way better to figure it out when you're sober.