Mackenzie Philips. “One Day At A Time” played on a loop.
Back to back episodes due to syndication. So, I got a hard one for Mackenzie
Philips. I’m really not sure why. The money on that one was on Valerie
Bertinelli. But maybe…just maybe, at my age, I knew she was wrecked. Only to
find out decades later, she’d been in an incestual relationship with her dad
(allegedly, I guess). I doubt this was to further her career. Maybe sell a book
or two. Maybe it was the skinny weirdos with long gazelle legs that got me.
Yeah, I had a thing for her. And I still don’t know why.
Victoria Principal. This chick looks like a massive bitch. Cold in
her eyes. Steely in her dealings with that Ewing family that drove her father’s
early death. But she still married one, so she was sleeping the enemy. How hot
was that? Generally speaking though, I just kept waiting for her to get in a
bikini on the South Fork Ranch. What a body. She never had kids, so she kept
her figure and her face. She is stunning as an old lady. I would say Linda
Grey, but she was abused a lot, and it seemed always dead eyed. I think that
came from being married to J.R. Although she had won the Miss Texas pageants,
it always seemed Victoria was the prettier one.
Phoebe Cates. With a name like that, you better be hot.
Phoebe was one of those girls that really didn’t realize her impact on
adolescent boys like myself. That nude scene in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High”
is still legendary, even after all the free porn you can get. She was also a
sweet monster killer in “Gremlins.” Her speech about why she doesn’t believe in
Santa Claus anymore is also immortalized in how it stops a movie dead. But who
cares, you just watch her lips move at that point. HOT! I didn’t even realized
later she is half-Chinese. Exotic is hot.
Julie Warner. Who? Who you say? Ever watch “Doc Hollywood”?
I have. Many times. Too many times, most would say. But Julie Warner coming out
of that lake, boobs and ass-cheeks out, is a wankable offense. And the fact
that she doesn’t cover herself when she walks by Michael J. Fox, is a testament to her
skill at being comfortable nude. I’m comfortable with her nude. It makes me
happy. Years later, she gives Chris Farley heart palpitations (which is near
impossible with the narcotics he’s ingested) in “Tommy Boy.” She’s cute and
sweet and makes me happy.
Carla Gugino. I am shocked she’s never mentioned in the
boob-tacular set. Her assets grew much faster than her “Troop Beverly Hills”...um...troop. I’d
be hard pressed to even say, developed past Shelly Long, a full grown adult.
Her cans are a work of art. Especially since she isn’t that tall. The fact that
she likes to share them, didn’t hurt. I feel this is a bit loaded to put her
into this list, since she’s still stunning. And she’s only 4 years older than
me. I think crushes like these stick in your psyche for a long time. Another
one that didn’t destroy her body to having children. She definitely has a
woman’s body.
Janine Turner. Was a major crush for me. Something about
dark hair and light eyes are still in boner fashion today. You can throw in
Stepfani Kramer in that pack too. Wow. Both stunners. Janine made even moreso
because on “Northern Exposure” she was self-effacing and suffered loneliness.
Nothing like being the mountain man to her damsel in distress that makes a teen
wang happy. Also, she was in “Cliffhanger.” Ya’ know, her short cropped pixie
hair was also pretty hot. Not like she ever resembled a dude. And that’s hard
to pull off. I think the fact that she could roll with the guys gave her cred
with me as a teen. She could be my friend, and we could bang.
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