A Short Break

Sitting poolside (to steal a term from my previous movie) after stringing out the second to last scene of “Nick’s Van.” Getting to the edge of the first rough cut.

You know, when people shoot film (film film), they seem to have projects that are very earnest. I don’t feel I fall into that category. I’m sorta’ more ragtag. When I see others who shoot on film, they have a more…polished, mature feel to them. They are very measured in terms of shot selection, mood and subject matter. Those who burn silver (the stuff film is made of) can’t be jackasses. They are gravely serious. And anyone who hears of this, believes these people aren’t fools.

I know one specific one now who made a movie about his grandparents who were coal miners. Beautiful, lyrical piece with outstanding even handedness. You can tell the people who made it were guided by an evolved art mind. It seems they also had a real budget, unlike my own wallet. This is no excuse, but rather I like hearing that people who shoot on film have money to do so. My budget was 1/30^th of what they already spent (according to their website). And what’s to become of this project afterwards that seems so bleak. As my one sister once put it she could put money into my movie, but what is the return on investment. How about my undying gratitude!? I digress…

Me…I think I’m punk rock. Get what we can get, when we get it. It’s splashy and retro. Clumsy, yet with a subject matter I think is less the polished feel of these other film projects. I feel this was a byproduct of being an enormous Tony Scott fan. That guy was the Warhol of his time, without the name recognition. His movies were daring. Bold in color and experimentation. Both with sound design and color. The guy pushed the visual medium to suit his material. Oftentimes he was criticized for style over substance. That’s fine.  His critics weren’t wrong. But he worked with a LOT of serious actors, because he was so passionate about the craft. I am NO Tony Scott, but I care very much about telling an interesting story. I’m actually trying to whittle down the moments now. Half the shit I do now, I want it to not be explosions or ridiculous reveals. I fear that the most.

“Nick’s Van” does have a reveal that…is a very scary tightrope. Because it can be corny and has potential of pissing people off. I’m actually at the last scene now, and unsure of what I have (haven’t synced up the audio to picture yet). I know I felt something. And because we shoot somewhat out of order, you may get a patchwork of bad edits that lead to a disjointed feel. Everything needs to flow from one thing to the next. I am convinced people will forgive my bad dialogue, they won’t forgive poor structure.

I think it is my rat brain that does this. I think it flows from page to page. But once on screen it just feels different. Feeling is what people leave the theater with, either glad they experience something or pissed that they’ve wasted their time.

I’m in a professional arena now. Yet sometimes I still feel like I’m still in amateur hour theater. It’s not just me beating myself up. I tend to have empathy for those who do things like this. The professional world does not. They don’t tolerate jackassery (yes, I’m making it a word). I hear the talk when production crews aren’t around in post. In big budgeted movies. “Look at that guy’s chin” “They better do something about the acne” “why are we working on this dumb project?” and so forth. Let’s not forget, most people in post-production are failed at something they’d rather do. Post-production (as I’ve described to our intern) was the soft dirt landing when they fall from a tree. I know most of my co-workers love I do this, but more happy if I fall on my face. It is human nature to despise other’s opportunities. I’m not sure why I don’t. I guess because it’s wasted energy. I have more things I want to accomplish than hate someone for doing something with themselves. I see that a lot in this business. Hell, there’s been stories Lucas and Coppola use to drive by each others’ houses and scream box office tallies.

I don’t mind failure. Again, I worry more about never trying. I like these challenges (I’m sure if I ever had investors they may’ve axed me a long time ago). It really staves off that uneasy feeling that I never did anything to be better in life. These quiet moments are a great reflection.

Universal truth is so very difficult to tap into. I mean there are simple things in plotting that move things along. For instance, chasing money is a very clear motive in movies. Or saving the world. Human dynamic is so slip shot since everyone grows up so differently. And since we all have a different type of sensibility. This interests me more than anything these days.