The Slag & The Alabama Crimson Tide Win

To my co-worker “would you watch an old dude ass-grab a 30 year old?”

Co-woker: “How old?”

Me: “I guess 70. Guy could be 40, but he looks like he drank a lot in life.”

Co-worker: “I don’t think that’d be my thing.”

Me: “What if he had only three fingers on one hand?”

Co-worker: “Oh fuck yeah. I would’ve taken pictures”

Timmy Nolan’s is a cool pub in Toluca Lake. I’ve been there years ago when I was still drinking. I forgot that they had food, but remembered I’d fallen down their stairs. Which…I doubt I’d be the first. There actually two sets that someone could potentially injure themselves. One is on the outside. But, I think it’s been an institution in that town longer than Toluca Lake has been there. Or it’s bad luck to fuck with the Irish.

Upstairs is where me and my buddy known as The Van Man, in these parts…saw the old guy paw at a young girl. It was a solid show. I mean he was digging in nail on soft buttcheek. The surprise is that she was enjoying it. It reaffirms my feeling about young girls and attention but really disheartens me about my theory about young girls and attention. She’d been drinking, but wasn’t sloppy enough to think this was a good idea. I thought this was just a barfly who was a regular. I learned later everyone there had some concern as to this exchange. A girl with a terrible daddy issue.

So, instead of heading for the hills, The Van Man got a closer view. Of the game? Most likely. But also to get a closer view of this slag. I don’t blame him. Was curious myself. Here is a girl, who gyrating and wiggling her ass in front of families and patrons giving everyone a show. Complete stranger. Did she care? Didn’t seem like it. It was actually comical how everyone tried to ignore it. Polite company, as the table next to me were British gents.  This somehow trumped the Alabama/Clemson game. A three fingered drunk who grabbed more ass in one night than a donkey show wrangler. I despised my hands and age at that point. To be an old perv is the goal.

Anyway, in my earlier blogs about the Crimson Tide, I did mention how special teams could sink them. Well, they fixed that shit and threw the keys to the Ferrari with TWO amazing plays. One on side kick that was PERFECTLY executed. You will NEVER see anything like this again in your lifetime. Essentially the kicker kicked the ball into the air and Alabama receiver caught it in stride. Unreal. The second was a run back for 95 yards on a kickoff. That broke the will of Clemson. Let’s face it, the two were evenly matched. Both defenses couldn’t stop shit, and both offenses started to sputter. To Alabama coach Nick Saban’s credit, he knew something drastic had to happen. Had that onside kick gone the way of Clemson…he’d be the goat. But that gamble is what makes the game. So I thank him for that.

Am I trying to draw a comparison between a 70 year old three finger drunk, ass grabbing a 30 year old girl and Saban? If he leaves for the NFL, maybe…maybe.