I was standing in their production office, 25 years old and new to the "real world" of Hollywood. A tiny Asian woman, who shared my last name, was finalizing my deal memo. Wash Westmoreland walked in first. Tall, lanky and goofy. He spoke first "Hi, I'm Wash." He spoke with an English accent. I didn't recognize that as a name so I said "What?" "Wash, I'm Wash...the co-director" he palmed his hands together like he was washing them. I shook his hand. He was so cheery and it was morning so I was disoriented. Wash is gay. As is his directing partner Richard Glatzer. Very very very nice guys. They answered all my questions and were pleasantly surprised how enthusiastic I was for being on set.
Wash introduced me to the director of photography, Mark. They were both friendly. Overly friendly. Eerie friendly. Since...I was just a grip. A glorified mover really.
This was my VERY first job on a movie set called "The Fluffer." On the first day of shoot, I recall being at a massive house atop the Hollywood hills. I don't judge much. And a paycheck was a paycheck. The hours sucked bad. But I got to meet some really cool people. Deborah Harry, Taylor Negron (who my film school friend and I idolized for his role in "The Last Boy Scout") & Richard Riehl (the "jump to conclusions" guy from "Office Space.") Everyone was incredibly nice on this set. With the exception of the key grip. He hated me and eventually fired me. But it was because I would shadow the cinematographer who loved my love of making movies. Chit-chat isn't what a brainless construction worker is suppose to be.
Anyway, I explored the house during a break and as I was looking through the shelves, I came across boxes and boxes of pornography. Not just porn. But gay porn. I realized the house belong to a gay porn producer. And Wash and Richard made their living directing gay porn. But this was their first foray into legit movie making. Was I shocked? Kinda. But not until a week into the shoot when we were on a dingy soundstage in North Hollywood.
It was late. And I was tapped to brace an A-frame flat (part of a set). I was next to the craft services table (food and snacks) when I first heard it. Behind the flat and in the shadows was noted on the call sheet as "stunt cock." Yes folks, he had his massive schlong out stroking it next to the potato salad. This business is surreal. Because as a glorified construction worker, I just stood at my station like an obedient dog trying to ignore that squish sound like goes with beating off. The "stunt cock" was needed since the main actor refused to do frontal nudity. Plus, I think he had a small wiener. Anyway, the assistant director called for the guy, his member rigid and rock hard sashayed onto set.
I stood there for second. Mind you, first time ever on a movie set, and wondered if it would always be this fascinating. I mean, I certainly wasn't going to tell anyone what had occurred around their food.
12 years later, Wash and Richard directed a movie called "Still Alice" with Julianne Moore, Kate Bosworth & Alec Baldwin. Julianne is up for an Oscar. This is surreal to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment