The idea of celebrity cracks me up. I’ve never had it, but
I’ve been around it. In Los Angeles, we’re such a fame oriented society that
dining tables are reserved in a pecking order of who’s movie did what at the
box office. This is unreal. Even subpar celebrities got the same treatment.
Remember Robert Blake had his own table at Vitello’s. And Lemmy from Motorhead
has his chair at the Rainbow Room. NO ONE sits in it. People know it’s Lemmy’s
drinking chair.
I’ve had brushes with it. Nor for myself but people around
me. Johnny Depp’s been in our office. I got star-struck of course. Won’t admit
it. Most people in this business don’t like to admit they get star-struck,
because we’re too cool for school. Even though deep down inside, we’re flailing
our Teen Bop magazine at them begging for a signature and never washing the
hand that touched him or her. I’m talking this type, and NOT Kardashian.
They’ve lived under the limelight of being the daughters of a shyster lawyer
who defended O.J. Simpson. That alone should’ve cursed them like the Kennedy’s.
Nope. They grew in reality. And media built them into who they are now. If you
think press can’t build a celebrity, you may want another look at that
hopelessly talentless family.
I ran into Sean Penn in an elevator at work one day. I was
escorting a client outside to get her film. She was a low budget independent
producer. Pretty girl. I thought I could smooth my way into her graces. We both
stepped into the elevator when all of a sudden a hand shot out to catch the
doors closing. Sean Penn slipped thru the doors apologized and stood…smoking a
cigarette. In an elevator. In a weird way that my brain was wired, I glared at
him. “Really, asshole?” It didn’t register who it was and why he was there
(working on “Into The Wild”). He looked at what he’d just done and chucked the
butt. He was absent minded and in a hurry. I turned to the girl and she was in
a far off place. Her eyes glazed at the closeness of Penn. I was fucked. She
stuttered “Was that…? “Yep” I interrupted “fucker was smoking in an elevator.”
“My God he’s really handsome in real life.” She continued, oblivious I was even
there. “I would totally go out with him.” (even though she was in her 20’s) Why
didn’t you ask him, you dumb fucking broad. Is what I thought. Celebrity gets you pussy you didn’t
even know you had.
Anyway, Penn’s hooked up with Charlize Theron now. Whom I
joked years ago with a girlfriend that I would leave her for Charlize. Even her
name gave me a boner. But Penn’s banging her, probably while smoking a
cigarette. It really soured me to her. Not because I think Sean Penn’s a
douche. But because…well, Calgon take me away!!
Celebrity does have a great byproduct no one ever considers.
It does bridge a culture gap. I recall my cousin asking me about Steven Seagal.
A guy who speaks little to no English but has seen all his films. He lives in
Taiwan, at the time in the 90’s had very little media. He sought out Seagal
movies. Seagal is still big in Asia. Forgotten in America (unless as a joke).
Which is odd considering the guy kick the shit out of Tommy Lee Jones in “Under
Siege” a movie people forget was nominated for Best Picture at the Academy
Awards.
It was neat talking to my cousin about movie making in Los
Angeles. He had a quiet curiosity towards Hollywood. He, like me, spent a LOT
of time in a different era. He had a pompadour ala James Dean, like I did. Felt
he was a 50’s greaser, because of the movies he watched (as did I). It was
weird how similar we’d grown up from two different countries but responded to
the same things (thank God he sidestepped New Wave). Movies and t.v. do have an
impact. Most of us now don’t really see it, since we’re all just trying to keep
our heads above water.
To me, hanging with my cousin and having common ground in
movies was worth the darkest days I’ve spent in Hollwood.
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