9th Day Of Sobriety - Doctor's Office

I went to the doctor’s office today and laid it all out. The many years of abuse of the bottle. He seemed genuinely glad I came in for help. He didn’t mince words either.  He told me I probably should never have another drink ever. It seems to be my nature to overdo alcohol. He mentioned a few patients that had come in a little too late. They suffer from cirrhosis of the liver and are awaiting transplant donations. 

I think the worst part about addiction is the withdrawal you get when you think about jumping that train. An overwhelming sense of fear grip you. It’s like a divorce. A friend that never questioned you. Or rejected you. Or judged you. It was simply trying to make you feel good. All the symptoms I was mentioning, was on par with every single case he heard. The jitters. The nausea and dizzyness. He told me that he had one patient that took a year to even feel normal again. Harsh buzz. Sometimes I fear what normal would be. What was normal before? Was it something that made me want to drink in the first place?

I told doc that it was because of boredom I started. Which was really the truth. I remember in high school, having a shot of whisky and a bottle of beer and passing out only to wake up in the late afternoon, feeling like I had gone thru some weird dream. It was a nice ride. Why not revisit? So, I spent a greater part of my summers at the age of 17 buying beers from a convenient store that I knew a punk kid would sell us. We clearly were not old enough to drink, but we did. And it was great. I remember the many nights hanging out with at my friend’s brother’s place downtown Cincinnati and getting hammered on 40 ouncers. It was a hip neighborhood, so I liked getting drunk and watching the yuppies walk by.

Eventually we were old enough to get into the bars on Mt. Adams. This place was super hip and trendy. I felt  rich. Like listening to a Michael MacDonald song sailing a yacht. Why would these feelings NOT be associated with a great cocktail?

So, I can't drink alcohol anymore. What should I do? Well, Doc suggested that I replace bad habits with good ones. For example these exercises were a good start. I mentioned that I blogged too. Which he kinda' turned a snotty look towards that suggestions. His reasoning: just make sure the comments are positive. I laughed: there's nothing in this world that can be more cruel than a guy's assessment of himself when he knows he's got an addiction. He then prescribed me low dosage of Xanax.

I think I may start collecting things. Hell, I now got all this expendable alcohol money. I think I may start buying more camera equipment. That sounds about right.

9th day of sobriety. Specs as of today's physical

154 lbs.

blood pressure: 117/70
Pulse: 66
24.87 kg/m2 BMI

98 degrees

5'6"

Should be a happier camper :)