Yeah, big surprise. If being self-absorbed was crude oil, fuel would be free.
I went to lunch the other day with an old friend. She's an actress. Or was. She's older now. And seems to be influx between the different degrees of worker's compensation and...well, nothing. Certainly a fine dining companion. I was around her place, and decided to text her to come out. I'd already gotten done with a ten hour work day. Starting at midnight. So, my brain is total mush. Could be the reason why I thought it was a good idea to have lunch with her.
So I started talking about all the work I was doing. Nothing interesting. But more about recovery, rehab and detox. I'm two months in now. Feeling queasy. And really agitated about things. Well, she chimes in about her medical problems. This turns completely and totally about her issues. Not only that, don't ever think to ask questions, since you'll always be shot down.
Her: "My so-and-so hurts."
Me: "you ever think about taking an anti-flammatory."
Her: "are you crazy? no...nuh-uh, have you read the study about so-and-so in regards to ibuprofen?" (Of course I have, which is why I recommended it).
This is usually followed up with a endless amount of research this person's done (since they have a LOT of free time). And it naturally trumps any idea you may have. Worst, anything you say, will always be nonplussed to their case. Listen, dude, it was just a suggestion. Fuck if I know. Obviously whatever you're doing isn't working.
This is the worst kind of person. The contrarian. They rapid fire, non-sensical garbage for what feels like an eternity. Then it segues into the strangest topics. Never on point. Unfocused.
You can tell when a person isn't listening to you. Their conversation sounds more like they're speaking to themselves. This gets really tiresome. Fast. They like to get their thoughts out before they forget...maybe? No back and forth. no conversation. Here's a test: ask them a few questions. See if they bat it back. Notice how many call-back questions you ask, versus how many they ask. If you find yourself asking questions more than you answer. You've been duped by a self-absorbed person.
This is a grating quality to have. My brain flashed to a moment where I told her "Shut the fuck up, you don't fucking know everything. You're the least interesting person I know, and you bitch like the world owes you something." But I don't. Which eats me up. Because, it seems, this is the language of this town. We have all the answers, no one bounces ideas for each other. And it pains me, since I've known her for so long. But, looking back, in reality, she doesn't know shit about me. Couldn't tell you if I have siblings. What exactly I do for a living (this one is a big one since every conversation starts with "what is it that you do?") It's amazing how little people, even the closest to you, give a shit.
Which tells me that we're all suppose to be...not alone, but not together either. No one listens to each other. No matter how much love is involved. If we did and genuinely cared, it's a strange strange thing. You can tell when they embrace you as a total human being versus someone just to talk at. It's a magical thing. This is the thing that most in the midwest understand (since there is no agenda to them figuring you out).
For the time being, and for my own sanity, I may choose to listen rather than speak.
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