Don't Go Out With A Female Screenwriter

I probably should've just said "screenwriter" in general but since I'm a dude. I'm going to use that instead. Seems more salacious anyway.

About a year ago, I went out with this girl who was an aspiring screenwriter. Twenty five years old. Finished grad school from Miami, FL (in case there's a different one). She went to a school where cocaine was on the curriculum. Anyway, on our first date, I recall bringing her back to my place. It was cool. This was when I was still drinking and tossing back round after round of scotch. She lived within walking distance (coincidentally) from my place. So she excused herself to use the bathroom. I got bored and was drunk so I picked up my guitar and started noodling. She came back, saw this, and just had the dumbest smirk on her face. "Really?" she said. "Wha--" I responded. "The guitar thing...pretty cliched, wouldn't you say?" I was shocked. She'd thought this was a ruse to get her to have sex. As most who know me, I have ZERO game. This is not a play. This was just noodling. I was just shocked she thought this was something to impress her. Then the kicker "One day" she added "this is going into one of my scripts."

Okay, boys and girls...let's say for a minute it would make for a funny story. Or a comical moment. Ahem... Bitch, didn't you just say how cliched it was?!

The rest of the short-lived relationship was pretty much me asking her about her new story ideas. Her pitching the dumbest fucking ideas I've ever heard. Of course, this was in a fog of booze, so it may've been the new "Bridesmaids" for all I know.

One thing struck me odd though. She mentioned her proclivity to cocaine (boggled my mind since she was a big girl), and my first response was "Betcha' glad you didn't like it." Her comeback "What makes you say that?" Tore up from the floor up as my friends use to say.

So that's how desperate I was for easy young snatch. That's how desperate she was for bad material.