Living in Hollywood World

At a certain point in your career if you live here in Los Angeles and want to pursue a life in Hollywood, you will experience melancholy. There isn't a filmmaker out there right now, out here anyway, that isn't disappointed or sad about something. It could be brutal depression over not getting a role, a directing job or...well, you are in the presence of others who hope and dream about a career making things that move other people. I went to a taping of "How Did This Get Made" recently, and sat in an auditorium full of people with those hopes and dreams. Very few people know the films I've worked on. The same I feel about when I go to the New Beverly Theater. The audience is full of the pretentiously unwashed who have aspirations to make movies (not all, but most). They want to make films. Some probably just like movies. The simple fact is, these types of things are about nostalgia. Or lost childhood. You can see by the overweight, under-washed people they've suffered through these unresolved issues, or delusions of grandeur. It's hard not to see people this way once you work in the system. As much as a cog as I am now, I still have the means to make my own films. Never mind the folks in either venues most likely haven't had the history I have. Yes, pretty arrogant of me to say so.

With this crippling sense of doubt with your career, the only thing that will keep you afloat is to keep moving. Most people are paralyzed with this fear of...moving forward. With anything. If you write something or film something, the point is to do something. This depression will lead to a few things: taking stock in where you failed at life OR seeing how pointless this all is. Don't allow these thoughts to permeate your core being. At heart, you will need to decide if this is the pursuit you want. The idea is to distract yourself with...stories.

My friend, whom I recently optioned the script, suffers from a great deal of depression. She expresses herself through writing. And the world is a better place for it. Not because of her depression, but because she has turned something crippling into something liberating. Though, obviously pain still creeps in. The sense of not being good enough. Being a social outcast or so forth. The point is, we all are. Beautiful people included. Probably worse off, since they've experienced life as being included in everything, being made to feel unwanted will deplete the ego almost immediately.

For those who suffer the day to day drudgery of existing, please find the time to practice your art. This is the only thing that gives your oxygen. Substance abuse isn't the answer. Perhaps visit a friend...write and read aloud a script you want to make. Make new friends. Keep busy and the demons will stay at bay. Nothing in this industry will fix what is wrong with you. Sorry to be the person to say so (if you didn't already know). The only thing that will satisfy that gap in your ego is...finding a voice that you are proud of.

Go forth friends!