Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Karen's Hallmark Christmas Carol

The thought of one more Hallmark Holiday movie made Karen Sheakley want to vomit.
"It's the same fucking thing" she groused to her boyfriend Ray "the professional woman has a bad childhood or unattainably good one and learns the spirit of Christmas through something magical"

"Yes" Ray wearily nodded "that is the template of most of these, presumably because they want to sell a card or ornament to lonely cat ladies during these high emotional times." Ray wasn't a psychologist but his tone made Karen want to enroll him for a license.
"Fuck off, Ray" she said raking the fur of the Burmese purring in her lap "you're saying if you weren't here, I'd be watching these with a different perspective?"
Ray rubbed his chin playfully deep in thought. She slapped his arm "Y'see what these movies make MEN think." She clipped the word "men" as if they were the sole producers of such schmaltz.
"Holidays are rough for everyone" Ray seemed to soften "women have a great deal of responsibilities during these times. Gotta make others feel better about being their friends."
"Yes, but these women take on too much"
Ray chose his next words carefully "do you think if they cared less they'd be any happier."
"We'd all be happier if women cared less" she giggled, throwing her feel onto his lap. The Burmese leapt away, eyeballing Ray in retreat.

"You know what I really hate about these movies?" Ray seemed serious.
"Oh what could that be?" Karen rolled her eyes.
"These broads in these movies seem to think they deserve better. See...that dude there --" Ray points to the clean cut man on the flat screen "...professional salesman, has a daughter single father, owns a house in the suburbs...nice place with a garage and a fully stocked kitchen."
"And?" Karen didn't seem to budge.
"And this is the bullshit you guys put together in your head is perfect."
"Yeah."
"Not the ambitious lawyer who drives a nice car and travels for work."
"That guy is never home."
"What you NEVER hear is why he is a single Dad."
"Oh we fill in those blanks. His wife died of some disease."
"Oh yeah, it couldn't be that that fucker stabbed her to death and put her in an oil drum over child custody"
Karen kicks Ray "oh you're mean."
"Because it's the holiday, and snow and lights and the Christmas carols, all of a sudden he's Mr. Right?"
"He's raising his daughter alone!"
"Yeah, girl with no-Mom issues. You know what type that is?"
"Oh this I've got to hear"
"The same one who watches Hallmark Holiday movies on Christmas Eve"
"That's low! You know my Dad didn't murder my Mom. They divorced"
"Yeah, sure."
"Come on!"
"Look at the apartment Karen" Karen looks around at the over-decorated seven-hundred square footage "this is someone who really didn't have a Mom."
"I can visit her any time, Ray. I just choose not to."
"You could make it a Hallmark Holiday moment and take her an ornament" Ray beamed. He'd cornered her.
"Go ahead and smile...she wasn't a kid loving type"
"Though she shoved your fat head through her vag"
"Don't be gross. To be honest, I don't remember much about her."
"Well that would make sense because you don't talk much about her."
"Dad told me she went off to New Mexico with some group. Maybe a commune"
"And that's the story you want to believe?"
"Yeah" Karen stiffened "why wouldn't I?"
"It's the kinda story someone gives you when they don't want you to find them."
Karen turned sour. Silence between them.
"I. Know. Where. She. Is" Karen glowered.
"Hey cool. Just saying" Fun was over.
"If you don't believe me, I'll call her now."
Ray smirked, was she kidding?
"Nah, that's okay"
"You brought it up. Don't you want to speak to her?"
"Um...not really. Not like this"
"You think she's dead"
"I don't"
"You think my Dad killed her."
"No, seriously I don't."
"Well, let's just call her up!"
Karen flipped open her cell and dials...
...ring...ring...ring...
Ray looks at Karen as she returns his stare, wide-eyed...ring...ring...ring...

No comments:

Post a Comment