I think most people don't understand the way to be a father these days. Most of them out here have sleeves of tats and dress their kids up like mini-them. With Metallica concert shirts, and a faux-hawk. In essence, it's a grown man with a doll.
Though I will say, today's father sticks ultra close to their children. I know of one that stays at home while the wife does the heavy lifting in the world. He is a writer and they don't get eccentric with their kid.
My Dad owned his own business. As I've written in the past, my respect for him is pretty damn high. But wasn't always this way. Especially through high school. It was my own issues. Pop made sure gas was always in the tanks of my sister's cars (though they didn't have much of a social life to drive to) and that everything was paid for. Both him and my Mom didn't let us ever see a bill. Somehow that was an adult thing. We had to focus on getting into college. Then he went to work at 10am didn't get home until 10 at night. Later on, it was 8pm, but that's pretty good for a person who owned the business.
He never did things like go on Boy Scout retreats with me. Which I can see a hovering Dad would do. Or build tree houses, as good wood is used for the home (we did build a lackluster dog house). We'd go see movies (as I've mentioned in the past and won't go into here).
The thing is...I'm very grateful and honored and exceptionally lucky to have the Dad I got. He doesn't expect accolades or attention, though jokes about how many Rolls-Royces he could buy if we hadn't existed. And he went about his life like this was normal. Meanwhile, my high school friends' parents were divorced, abusing substances, absent and so forth. You'd be surprised how many rich WASPy parents are never home but always doing something cool. Seems to have extended to a Millenial group.
What I really respect above all is the ability to deal with women. He is surprisingly progressive when it came to women's rights. He's never expressed to me how my two sisters couldn't be something big. This from an Asian culture. He championed them to read and learn the world. Never a protest for my one sister who loved to travel. Aside from the occasional gripe about taking care of her kids. But it was never malicious. He tells things in observations. I am desperate to harness this qui and bottle it and share with Americans, because we really need more of this behavior now. Gentle, patient but has a firm sense of duty and right and wrong.
My Dad has faced some tragedies in his life. His older brother died young. And he had to hold his family together afterwards, as he became the oldest son. I'd like to pretend as if it was some Ancient Asian thing, but I think it was a survival instinct. The younger kids looked to my Dad for support. And I've never seen him crumple under stress. Never really mentions it either. In fact, I think his mantra has always been how much stress kills you young. He had a business partner, that died young (in my opinion). He also took in my nephew when others had turned their backs. As my sister put it, he was the only one who remembered we shared the same DNA. At the protest of my hot-headed Mom.
If this is a lot of sunshine about my Pops, yeah, I suppose it is. I'm sure a few that read this may see similarities in their own Dad. What I'm getting at is...how lucky I am to have spent this time and wish it could go on forever. But would we value the time if it were infinite? I hope you see it that way.
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