Rejection Sucks...I Think?

I've got zero game. On top of all that, add to it, I'm not that interested in sharing my life with a girl anytime soon. What does that add up to? A pretty lame listless life.

I'll be frank with you. Life is depressing and there's very little to look forward to.

Dunno how it ever became this way. Had so much hope and promise. Nowadays, it seems it's so out of reach. I've burned so many massive bridges. Been so out of touch with people. I've pretty much became a hermit without even realizing it hit me this hard. And I've quit drinking to boot.

...or wait. Maybe it was the drinking that caused everyone to disappear before my eyes. It's hard to lean on anyone to share this meandering life. I sit around, smoke my pipe and consider what I did to get here. Where I'm going. I hear so much about life never quitting. Never giving up. And keep moving forward. It's hard, man. And I hope this can be inspirational for some people.

Oh, the rejection story. I visited my favorite Thai restaurant. There is a stunning Thai girl there. Seen her on many occasions. Had great conversations with her. In fact, I got so much sweetness vibes from her. Thought I was special. Well, I asked her out. Her face went stone cold. A flat "no." She had to study. This is when it becomes awkward. More importantly, I realize I didn't have any feelings whatsoever. No sadness. No anger. No embarrassment. Just...nothing. Dead.

So it got me thinking how devoid of emotions I've been lately. Just confused. I'm told things will start to get better. But I just can't seem to muster that hope. I get glimpses. I guess this would be the torture I deserve, for a life led hedonistically. I don't look forward to much. Not even to a simple meal I once cherished. I have to remind myself to push forth. I get really down when I think about what if...just what would my life had been had I married my college girlfriend and settled into a human being. Just lived for others. I'm not sure. It's so foreign to me.

I wake up with pain. And solitude. And silence. Enough time for really miserable thoughts. Thus is the life of rehabilitation.