I've been catching up with a lot of television lately. Mostly, older series that have ended their run. Which is where I pounce. Since I can't stand waiting a week for the story to continue. Also, I don't have Netflix, Hulu or even internet at home, so it's difficult for me to really set a schedule to watch it, if it's not in bulk. I decided to give "Entourage" a shot. Since it has a lot of Los Angeles locations. And I have this strange excitement of seeing where productions have shot. I know, lame and fanboy-ish, but I'm not from here, so I think I should get a pass.
Anyways, it turns out I've worked with two actresses from the first season. This was shortly after film school and my friend Doug and I had huge aspirations. Doug being the director, and me being the cinematographer. It was really great to remember them when. So it got me to thinking how far removed I am from that system.
I recall being so passe about the whole experience. Like it would never end. Of course I'd always have a hot Guess model in front of my lens. Of course, people would be clamoring for whatever we do. Of course, it will launch me into the next level of cameraman. How could it not? They're success must rub off on me.
Cut to:
2013
I'm physically frothing at the mouth trying to convince a lowly vault worker at the post house I work at now that I was someone once. Now...I'm not sure what was more pathetic. That I was naming off my credits or that I thought this would somehow make me feel important again. It was sad.
Then it dawned on me...Everyone thinks you are what your position is at the moment. Lemme be more clear, you can't tell people you played Brad Pitt's brother when you're flipping burgers at McDonalds. It's just never going to earn you respect.
See, the issue was, there are a ton of aspiring people in this town. They believe you are on their level. Because you actually talk to them. Or at them anyway. And so you are mortal. As they are. Meanwhile, your ego can't stomach this and you really wanna punch them. Because deep down, you've suffered almost a decade on dealing with celebrity, and a taste of the limelight and here you stand, listening to their hopes and dreams as if you give a shit. Which is where you really wanna vomit on yourself from biting on your tongue. A hater, such as myself will mutter "good luck" under my breath. But the dreamer that died years ago will say "yay, go get 'em, tiger!"
Look, if you are asked to do one of their projects and you know you're overqualified, but still take on the project that's on you. You've now set your bar to whatever they want to set it at. Not what you set it at.. Your value is only how you value yourself. And in these cases, people will constantly undervalue themselves, in order to get the gig. Silly...I know.
An important lesson to learn in any field of life is that you are worth EXACTLY what you price yourself to be. If you sell morals, ethics and self-esteem for pennies, you cannot complain that you're not getting paid your worth, because you took the gig.
There's a dick swinging contest here in L.A. It starts with the unspoken "I'm better than you because ______" (fill in the blank). This will lead to great bitterness. But is part of all competition. I mean, what is the difference between saying that and "I'm unique from you because _______" I guess tonal shift. Same thing though. You possess something no one else has. Probably a fire in your gut to stand by your stupid vision. In the end, you have to remind yourself that you play make-believe like a retarded kid. In fact, retarded kid is probably better at it than you. That's the reality of Hollywood.
I went to a bar with a friend recently. I ran into a person I thought I knew. She said "hi." I was confused. Sort of recognized her. I nodded to her and said her name, more as a question as in "don't I know you from somewhere." In which case her response was (scoff) "...why do you think I said hi to you?" In other words, why would I say anything to your ugly stupid face if I didn't know you. See, everyone wants to feel important in this town.
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