Despair?

Luckily I was on a stationary bike sweating. They couldn't see I'd straight broke down like a bitch. Crying till my body was shaking. This after watching the black man shot by police in a car while his girlfriend sat next to him. He was a fucking public school teacher. Prior to shooing he announced to officer he was licensed to carry. When he reached over to get license, the man was shot. The fact the woman sat there compliant and calm next to a dead body was too much for me. It's a combination of everything. I guess. I have t cried in years. But I cracked. Our society just has no sense of peace. Have we concluded that law enforcement is t on our side? This means the real criminals at salivating. Because they gunned down one of us...the unrest will extend to real criminals. In that sense, everything I've done thus far was for nothing. I look behind my back constantly. I've lost the instinct for anger. I mean anger being pointed at the right people. I've lost the edge to want to the right thing. Maybe that's why it is so much more tragic. We, the public have no one to turn to. It's the Wild West. And these assholes who take advantage of the situation new the fall before we did. Call me stupid, but I had hope. Though my criticisms of society seemed to be a evolution chart of why people get...distrustful. At the ground level..not a big deal. The trenches are safe, but there is the inevitbility of eventually poking your head out. I sat with my head on bike, hoping no one realized how defeated I really feel.  Thought I was tough. But we're animals. Peace and love doesn't conquer all. Society bred people brazen enough to feel that a confiscated vehicle they stole is a slight to them! What has happened?!! The day we're paranoid of our brothers, is the day we've lost to our lizard brain. No wonder people stockpile guns.