"Revenge Of The Ninja" (1984)

Rarely do you see a little kid kick a buxom blonde chick in the cunt. But here’s the movie you should watch, if this is your type of thing (00:56:38).

This movie is terrible. I recall watching this movie as a kid…oh…a million times. But it was always on “Kung Fu Theater”. It was one of those UHF channel thing. A lot of great cinema, let me tell you. I remember loving this movie. What a heartbreaker to discover how dumb it really was. Unless you like cunt-kickin’ kids (actually the kid kicks her twice in the southern region).

This is about a Japanese dude Cho (Sho Kosugi) whose entire family is murdered by ninjas. Straight up ninjas in Japan. He is a ninja too. But we don’t know that yet. The only survivors are his infant son, and his mother. They relocate to Los Angeles, as the title card implies…we’re now six years later. The guy who helps them open up an “Oriental” art gallery is a shady dude who happened to be in Japan the day his entire family was wiped out. Legit…wiped out by ninjas.

This is the first time we’re introduced to the buxom hot blonde, Kathy or Cathy, who..volunteers (?) at the art gallery. For what purpose…who knows. Only that she comes on to our hero. We think some interracial balling going on soon. Nope. The honorable Japanese fellow who is without family…due to ninjas, chooses the memory of his loved ones.

Incidentally, there’s also a scene where a guy puts on a ninja costume to kill someone. Then takes it off when he leaves the bathroom he just killed someone in. Okay…um…what point was the costume? Isn’t like the dead guy was going to say anything. And if there were anyone in the bathroom at that time, they would’ve seen him put on the ninja outfit.

This movie also has that HORRID thing about ninjas in broad daylight. Guys, you function much better under the cloud of darkness. Ninjas are dumb. I won’t get to the subplot of drug smuggling either. This was all so Sho Kosugi, a man I admire for bringing desperately needed ninja culture to America. I recall buying “Black Belt” magazine so I could read about him. He was a mysterious as the art of ninjitsu.

Cultivated by Golan + Golubus…these two crazy Israelis who started the Cannon Group, this stinks of that era crap…I mean…fun. I believe it started with “Enter The Ninja” then “Revenge Of The Ninja” finally “Ninja III: The Domination” for which Sho Kosugi milked this trend throughout the 80’s. Perhaps a nice departure from the friendlier Mr. Miyagi shit. Personally, I really like this schlock. They give you everything you want. And aren’t politically correct about any of it. Case in point, the bad guy points to his Native America henchman, and tells them to “scalp” anyone who gets in their way. He chuckles and nods with an evil sneer. Why not just have him throw on a bison pelt and raindance away?

Anyway, we do get a message here…”only a ninja can stop a ninja” Cho tells his cop buddy. Thus negating getting the police involved. Yep…it’s like that.

You do get to see the blonde’s tits, and they’re 80’s nice. They’re actually nice nice…so we’re good here.