Friday, May 13, 2016

"Ninja III: The Domination" (1984)


Let’s get something clear, I like ninja movies, and I really like a body possession demon movie. But if the demon is a ninja and it possesses a chick, well…you CAN have too much of a good thing.
This is about a bad ninja for some inexplicable reason murders…um…a scientist on a golf course. He's not just a ninja...he's a straight up dick. Apparently, this scientist was also being guarded by goons. For what reason? Who knows. Oh right, to show us his skills...in broad daylight.
The police are called to these murders, and the ninja…once again in a Cannon Group trope of being in broad daylight, is still in the vicinity. And he makes sushi out of a lot of these officers (hacky jokes for a hacky movie). The ones who survive the ninja defense end up shooting the shit out of this ninja. It takes about a gazillion bullets to take him down. To which he finally succumbs, but not before a 80’s sexy aerobics/phone line worker gets the power of the ninja passed onto her. Incidentally, is Phoenix, Arizona prime real estate for ninjas? Seems it would be the absolute worst place for covering up from head to toe with only your eyes exposed.
Anyways, The sexy 80’s girl Christy is played by Lucinda Dickey (previously seen in “Breakin’”). I don't get it. She looks like a discount Daphne Zuniga:

They're both subpar Carla Gugino:

Anyway, Lucinda is having awful memories of the day the ninja was killed by the police (Ninja Lives Matter). Dead ninja memories now belong to her. And this possession leads her to hunt down the men who took down the ninja..er…I mean her. But one of the officers happens to be a guy who she falls for. Yes, a sitcom moment turned into a fantastic conflict of interest.
Enter Sho Kosugi…what amounts to a cameo. He arrives to shed some light onto the mystery of this very bad ninja. He’s there for revenge. Though his tracking the events of the murders doesn’t immediately have him beeline to this woman. Who shows up with mysterious bruises. Oh, and her boyfriend is a cop.
This movie is just awful. You can definitely spend a great deal of time batting around the logic of all of this. The truth is, you’d probably be going in a circle wondering how no one ever said anything. I’m guessing a ton of cocaine. What starts off as a really strong movie...well, passable for this era, turns into absolute garbage. Too bad.

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