Happy Mother’s Day, you motherfuckers.
I like the concept of this day. It’s to celebrate everything
mom has done. For you 16 year old whores, who are clearly ill prepared to take
care of your brood, I hope it means something more. Like people judging you.
For the rest of us, it means taking mom to a place they give
shit out for free. I’m half way tempted to find a homeless lady, ethnicity be
damned, and take her to an IHOP for a free sundae or something. Then I can
whine to her how poor I am, or how chicks don’t like me. I call that a win-win.
But somehow I’d be seen as a dirtbag and this moment…cruel. Pfft. I call it
ingenuity. She gets a free meal, I get to vent.
My own Ma loves crazy shit like that. She doesn’t like the homeless
though. I think because she lived on a farm, she considers the homeless of
America like they live in royalty. To be fair, she never did say she hated the
homeless, only that one Thanksgiving I’d told her I was going out and giving
away turkeys to the homeless to which she blandly replied “why?”
Not that I asked her to explain, but she did add that a
turkey one day, doesn’t do shit (paraphrasing, my Taiwanese is terrible). She
also believes that Mother’s Day is every day. Actually, everyday is really HER
day. I think it means that we should all live life to the fullest in that one
day to celebrate means nothing. You should celebrate people daily. I think she
might’ve been wanting to get off the phone fast, but she did say to me…”I think
about you everyday.” That struck me pretty hard. I think about family in
general. But in my thoughts, they are…blobs. I have two sisters I communicate
with. So I suppose that’s celebratory enough. It may mean that she thinks about
all her kids. If we’re eating okay and if we’ve been driving safe. She’s a
stickler for the driving thing, even though I haven’t seen her drive in over 10
years.
The image of a mother with an apron and a meatloaf in pyrex
baking pan in hand are long gone. Some Mothers do enjoy that image still. I had
a fondness for that type of American Mother look. Though my own mother wouldn’t
be caught dead cooking or cleaning…which was odd considering how much they’ve
taken to the American culture. Perhaps it was just the wide open spaces they
enjoy. I know my Mom likes that space. Especially the moments of hiding in her
bedroom watching Chinese soap operas. In that way, she’s more redneck than I
ever assumed. My sister has a very bad reaction to cooking and cleaning as
well. She’s lost many a relation because she’s very adamant about the lack of
domestic skills. I have no problems doing the basics. And I don’t recall either
sister ever spending the time doing any of chores. It just miraculously got
done (I’m guessing my Pop and I just got tired looking at the mess).
Anyway, I hope all the Moms out there get the respect they
deserve. Carrying our dumb-asses for so long in their gut must do a number on
them physically. If you can’t appreciate that, then I feel sorry for you.
Here, here.
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