Ann Coulter And "Mandarins"

During a Friday night appearance on MSNBC's Hardball with Chris Matthews, political commentator Ann Coulter used the term "Mandarins" to describe Asian-Americans — and didn't back down after MSNBC anchor Joy Reid challenged her.

First off... fuck the mainland Chinese. They're shitty rude people. And ruthless. So fuck them.

Secondly, they're going to own America (if not already own) us soon. Which sucks. But we sold out to them, so fuck us.

Lastly, Ann Coulter is dumb. Who cares what she says, if not just to get headlines, she's slowly turning into a pickety witch. Hooked pimple nosed weirdo. She's blonde, which naturally means for her the "master race." So whatever. Let her ruin Trump from within. Not that I hate Trump, but if you got someone in your corner like her, you're fucking yourself.

I'm from Taiwan, the republic of China...I have no idea what the hub bub is. I also don't need to be told what the outrage is so I too can be outraged. NOT because I want to stay ignorant. But because it reminds me of when I was in high school these WASP kids kept telling Jew jokes. To which I never understood what they meant. I prefer not knowing these things, since not knowing racism would mean that shit is dead. These other Asians who spoke out against Coulter are just giving her free press. Good job, idiots.

Old Fucking Ladies

Maybe you can explain this conversation to me, as I was interrupted writing a new script.

I was sitting by the pool typing.
Lady: Excuse me, who are you? Do you live here?

I'd seen her before. She was the same woman who we spoke about bees (my car is peppered with dead bees every morning due to someone killing them somehow).
Me: Um..yeah. Over there, that's me (pointing to my car). We talked about bees for about 10 minutes.

Her face seemed to register something. What a dummy. She isn't old. Just a busy body whose mind is always trying to find something wrong with young guys. Anyway...that wasn't the conversation that has me perplexed, it's this one:

Lady: I thought you were the guy who lived upstairs from there.
Me: Oh, you mean the old guy.
Lady: (curt) No. He's not old. He's the guy with the gray hair.

Here's the sarcasm...WHAT THE FLYING FUCK YOU STUPID FUCKING LADY..."He's not old. He's the guy with the gray hair." She wasn't even listening to what she was saying.

And yes, I found every reason to let her off the hook. Short of telling her "Old guys have gray fucking hair, idiot!!" But that's not respectful. I just wanted to get back to writing. Which is when she took a seat and started yammering about...anything. She's one of those types that is hard of listening. She hears fine. CAN'T FUCKING LISTEN. She's not interested in what you're saying, only that it's a bounce board for her to continue telling you what she thinks. And nothing...I mean nothing derailed her. A simple correction of her facts sends these types of people in the stratosphere. I'm done engaging in any conversation.

I will end with this, she has this enormous fear of homeless weirdos hopping her fence and raping her or stealing her shit that she's (as I was told) installed an expensive security system. I told her about my theory. Let me repeat that THEORY, that the gang assholes who are in our neighborhood seems to respect our borders. That anyone fucking with us would have the heat come down on them hard. She shrugged what I said off and said "you don't have to worry, you're a young man, they won't mess with you." I would assume this is the purpose of her life. To pre-package her life into these convenient paranoid rants. I don't doubt there is a criminal element in our neighborhood. But, perhaps it's me being naive. It's clearly the only neighborhood where people actually seem to have jobs around that area. But it's pretty rare that I've gotten into anything with the criminal element. I really think they would rather not deal with the hassle. But...she's convinced otherwise. I bet she envies my stupidity as I envy her herb garden.

"Suffragette" (2015)

I know what you're thinking, how does a world class d-bag like you care about women's right to vote...well...

...one of the terrible things about this movie is…who cares?

Yep, this movie REALLY falls under the category of…not that big of a scope. Though most of the people involve seem to think it’s a topic that is super important. I guess not to me. Worst, these types of movies are hard to negotiate, since it requires the person to have this one small detail in their life consume them. In other words, let’s say I make a movie about my love of vintage cameras. If they made a movie about that, it would be where every scene I’m in would require I talk about a vintage camera. Though not as trite as gear, it still is a small detail of a person’s life. It doesn’t eat up two hours…that’s for sure.

It’s about women’s right to vote. Which, in America, didn’t happen until 1920. In the U.K. it didn’t happen until years later. In Saudi Arabia, it just happened last year in 2015. Does that surprise you? Not really. We knew those sand monsters like to oppress women. Imagine if these filmmakers grew some balls and really attacked the problem. Well, you wouldn’t get funding from America. You certainly would be labeled a racist. Instead, British men are the enemy here. Carey Mulligan…the new feminist actress, stars as a woman who works at a landromat where the foreman/owner/manager (who fucking knows) is real rape-y. The details are vague, but it seems he chooses a different female worker to bang for favors. Carey, apparently, gets too old for the jerk, so he moves on. She also gets married to a co-worker and they have a son. She literally bumps into a woman’s voting rights activist and seems to accidentally trip into the suffragette movement. Women who use force to get the government to listen to their pleas of wanting to vote. Hot on their trail is a Jean ValJean type character played by Brendan Gleeson, who seems to pop up every time they need a ruddy faced bureaucrat.

You know I honestly could care less about making a man-hating movie. But to do it as ridiculous as this movie is pretty sad state of our desperation to right some wrong. There isn’t a sympathetic man in this movie. Well, one, but they gave him so little time. And, more or less, castrated him as he’s married to the Helena Bonham Carter character. The real problem with this movie is that it would’ve been much more interesting hearing about this mythical woman Mrs. Pankhurst (played by Meryl Streep), then to follow a deep-in-the-trenches worker (which is a made up person) climb to the movement. This was a case where a woman’s hero’s journey seemed to be actually out of reach. A valiant attempt at what amounts to a sugar packet history lesson.

Poor Gorilla

In my hometown Cincinnati Zoo, a child fell into a gorilla cage. And the zookeepers shot and killed the poor simian. Fuck. Can you imagine just chilling in your home and some toddler came into your home and because of your past minor infraction, the cops blasted you out of your Voltron robe? Okay, that may only be me. But damn. Here’s a gorilla minding its own business and having to die like that is heartbreaking. Not that I like gorillas in the least, but I can understand the policy of the zoo as well.

Not to laugh about it, but first off, that gorilla doesn’t have family that will sue. Kids folks do. Zookeepers most likely reacted to save the child. I blame this fucking litigious world we live in now. Made by us. So, blame that first. And second, stupid parents who let their kid out of their site. This is what happens. I hope this kid gets known as “The kid who got a gorilla killed.” And that he lives with it until he’s a teen. He should be like…um…that Macauley Caulkin. He’s that stupid “Home Alone” kid.

And not to completely blame the dumb kid. Let’s face it, if I were that age, I’d want to go swimming with polar bears.

What can they possibly do now with a dead gorilla’s body. Beyond me man. And incidentally, how do the rest of the simians in that habitat feel. I suppose when it really comes down to it…we’re the real animals.

Yeah, I got corny there. Go fuck off.

"Triple 9" (2015)

Really scratching my head on this one. I knew a person who worked on it. I worked on director John Hillcoat’s movie “The Road.” I liked it, but not really sure what this movie was trying to say.

It’s a harsh cop story. I joked that it was the opening scene of Michael Bay’s “Bad Boys.” And you’ll never hear me say this again, but at least Bay was smart enough to know this was a 3 second scene not a feature length movie.

From what gathered from the muddled plot. Casey Affleck is paired up with Anthony Mackie. What the “newbie” doesn’t know is there are a group of corrupt cops robbing banks and splitting it with Russian mafia. There’s a subplot of a Mexican gang thing going there, but I don’t want to confuse everyone. That dude from “12 Years A Slave” is at the head of this nonsense. Attempting to regain his son through an Israeli gang (I’m not joking…in the heart of Atlanta!) moll, Irina, played by Kate Winslet. Her accent is odd, since she seems to be copying an off-beat accent of her sister played by Gal Gadot (who really is Israeli). Better as a t.v. series? Probably.

So, this thing is a star studded movie which really wants to be a “End Of Watch” tension. But it fails. It’s not scary, it’s funny. Casey Affleck is ridiculous as the cop with the white hat. He’s a dope. Aaron Paul is a junkie who was part of the original bad cops/gangster bank robbers, and is brothers to Norman Reedus. Have I named some names here. Well, go check out on IMDB who was GOING to be in it.

My biggest gripe with this movie is that I have no idea what is going on. There isn’t a real through story with anyone involved here. And everyone speaks in a ultra-serious tone. As if we move through life knowing what we say is the most important thing in the world. Fuck if I know. A “triple 999” is officer down. This leads every cop to drop their shit and go to the scene. Which allows time for them to do a crime. Yes…it seems NO ONE saw “Bad Boys.” I think I realize what the deal is with these big named actors in small movies:

Now that shooting gets down in 30-40 days, some of these “names” show up for maybe a week, shoot their shit out, and still get paid a full shoot price. Who wouldn’t do that. Which, by the way, at the tail end of Steven Seagal’s career, that is precisely what happened. He nickel and dimed his way through crap. I guess it should be a lesson in the new Hollywood. Don’t put your work ahead of living standard. Cary Grant was actually one of the first actors to realize it to be a job, and NOT an artistic endeavor. He treated it like a job and walked away financially solvent. But I’m not saying sell-out to everything. It is admirable that Woody Harrelson, who appears in this movie, may well be doing it as a lottery ticket to more respectable roles.

Anyway, on a slow night, this is an interesting watch. It’s a step below “Street Kings” which follows the same theme and tone. Also, this is the first time I’ve ever seen a digitally shot movie that seemed so…digital. Almost like they were proud this looked cheap. How awful.

16mm Film

It's a format that seems to illicit a lot of old school porn projection. That was really regular 16mm. If you go Super 16mm that's a higher class of porn. Porn that needed to be transferred to VHS.

16mm is a film gauge that is roughly half the size of 35mm. It was made for economical reasons in shooting educational videos or documentaries. For the most part, the format was considered sub-par until the late 60's where you could make a full narrative feature on it and then have to blow up to 35mm (since not many theaters, save for porn houses project 16mm).

I love the format, because it's so very specific. It is grainy but still retains a gloss to it. We did some test of movie set in the 1970's. The stand-in actors were in 70's garb next to vintage 70's. IT IS BEAUTIFUL. Even on a base color grade, I saw the image from across the room. It has...a grit and bold color statement that is noticeable. A digital capture is pretty flat. Since you see so much in the shadow detail, it has to turn a little "milky." It's only after years where dye tends to fade. Or poor storage exacerbates it.

The format was also very popular in the 80-90's for television. "Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman" was on 16mm, as was "Sledgehammer"'s second sesason. More recently "The Walking Dead" embraced that format, since it really helps with the makeup effects. If you re-watch the first season, it STILL looks fresh. Digital technology moves so fast, it's hard to see anything from early days of digital and approve of the look. No one seems to take this into account. Well, maybe they do and just choose to ignore it. I would say even the movies of the 70's that originated in 16mm would be relevant given a simple scan. But that would sort of ruin the effect for me. These need to go to print.

I really dig the look of 16mm film. It is a format that seems to take people back because of the grain issue. I like the grit. A lot of old timers are coming around to not have to deal with the unruly nature of the film. I get that...as a filmmaker, the last thing you want to do is worry about the results due to fading infrastructure. Suppose a storyteller should only care about storytelling. Give 16mm a chance.

Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Are Splitsville

I always thought a headline like that was much more quaint, then pre-30's Heard accuses Depp of domestic abuse. To be honest, isn't it all domestic abuse.

Anyway, yeah, no one thought it would work out. And to Depp's credit 15 months with a young bimbo whose film credits are pretty much garbage is a feat. Riding on the coattails of a long marriage, it's clear this was a rebound. Also didn't help that Depp's mother had passed away recently. I would think he gets a little pass. I don't make excuses for a spousal abuser, but you can't help wonder how people put themselves in these situations and not expect press to be involved. Shit, we're bored stupid with our own lives. Imagine being rich with nothing else to do BUT act dumb.

"Fire Down Below" (1997)

This could mean a lot of things. Including the beginning of the decline of Seagal’s career. Or the ONE fire in the movie. OR toxic waste, which is less below than on leveled ground. OR...redhead Marg Helgenberger's snatch. Who knows?!

I get the feeling this movie was done solely so he could play his music (which isn’t all that bad, just…don’t do it in a movie). I also feel most of the actors in this movie did it because of their love of the hills of Kentucky.

Let’s count the corpses in the wake of this mess: Kris Kristofferson, Marg Helgenberger, Randy Travis, Harry Dean Stanton, Stephen Lang, Travis Tritt, argh…the names really hurt my ears. Because I know they’re all better than this movie deserved. And here’s the funny part…this movie was before it’s time

This is about Taggert (Steven Seagal) an EPA worker…or is he…set to figure out what is poisoning the water in Appalachia Kentucky. Oh, it’s a rich asshole, played by Kristofferson, who pays the townsfolk to look the other direction. Sound familiar? Yep…Flint, Michigan. Timing is everything folks. He runs across the rich asshole’s son, who is a weinie white boy who looks more inbred than anything. The typical post-teen 90’s hair, surrounding himself with tough hillbillies that give Seagal a hard time.

Seagal meets up with the town outcast Sarah, played by Marg Helgenberger, a sort of Hester Prine to the good wholesome people. But she has a darker secret (of course). Seagal gets a ton of brushback from the people. But…the whole time, I’m thinking “what a buncha’ dumb bumpkins…you can’t spend any rich asshole money if you’re dead from radioactivity.” The whole movie is a child’s view of how toxic waste is stored. Apparently the process is similar to old wives tales of storing them in barrels in the open. Millions of gallons of lime green fluid, of course. Where the expert EPA Seagal can’t even locate. And how do we show he’s an expert. By having him bear paw a few test tubes and dipping them in water. Genius!

The saddest part about this movie is the wasted talent. Harry Dean, I assume, did this project so he could play his music in the end credits. Again, I really sense this is all about musicians who accidentally made a movie. The logic is ridiculous to the extent of a moment when a cave full of dead bodies are COMPLETELY ignored over the toxic cleanup that happens…um…a few days after it is reported (no wonder I was stupid enough to believe justice is swift). Apparently in this town in Kentucky, everything happens within a few days, if not a few hours.

The story, and plot seems to be absolutely tacked on. Even for the low expectations of a near millennial Seagal movie, you want just one morsel of truth. I think he gets in his own way in this movie. I would bet you anything the original script, written by Jeb Stuart, had subtle nuances of small town in need of being saved from itself, turns into ow-you-broke-my-arm scenarios whenever Seagal felt the story lagged. Yeah, that’s the point. This movie was made for someone with more of a moral high ground. Say for example a younger Clint Eastwood. He’s suppose to be a dark angry person, but a strong conviction for right and wrong. All the noble lines coming out of Seagal seem phony and forced. That pained look you see?...it’s his personal character wincing at the phoniness. I don’t think it’s any surprise this was a Warner Bros. movie. It seems Eastwood’s Malpaso must’ve passed and, at the time, the next man up was Seagal. What a shame. I sense it would’ve been a movie they brought back up in the wake of Flint (like “Erin Brockovich”). Instead of a coda to Seagal’s imploded vanity project with a studio. So many good things gone to waste.

"The Glimmer Man" (1996)

Strangely enough, this movie about serial killers is Steven Seagal’s most comedic role. He’s a zen cop paired up with Keenan Ivory Wayans to find a person who is murdering families, but it becomes much more than that as it involved Seagal’s past. I couldn’t tell you one character’s name, but I love this movie for all the wrong reasons.

I’m sure, as reviews have mentioned, this was Warner Bros. fast tracking on the heat behind “Seven.” Around the mid-90’s we had a ton of serial killer movies. So why not have  one with their most bankable star. I’m not sure what Wayans was doing in this movie, besides a paycheck, but…you almost sense he was written for a different person in mind. As with most castings, I’m always fascinated by what could’ve been. What would’ve been the pairing? I’m not sure. But Wayans hold his own against Seagal’s random non-sequitor comments. They are odd tidbits of stream of consciousness that, well, honestly, I’m not entirely sure how Seagal got away with saying those lines. In fact, he is actually the comic relief. Kind of.

The story begins with Wayans as a L.A. detective being paired up with Seagal who is something of an expert at ritual killings. He’s a zen weirdo who is disliked by the L.A. branch (didn’t know they swapped) police department. He is a New York transplant and seems to know more than the “laid back” West Coast. Kind of.

They both seek out the ritual killing but stumble on something else. Copy cat murders made to look like the actual serial killer. SO now we have TWO plots going on. Which ties into a random school shooting scene, where upon chance these two end up at a school being terrorized by a mentally unstable kid…who happens to be the son of…ah…well, it’s all so complicated and random.

Let’s be honest here, back in those days I was more interested in how Seagal was going to kick someone’s ass that sass mouthed him. And there aren’t many disappointments here. Though a majority of the time, the assault charges alone would’ve sidelined him permanently. But that’s our pussified 2016 eyes looking back at a world that seemed so much better if you can smack hired goons around. I think these types of movies will always have a place in Americans’ hearts as long as due process is still part of our justice system. To me, justice meant Seagal busted chops so hard, people would be afraid to file any charges.

I really like Keenan Ivory Wayans. He always seemed like such a pleasant person. I think they were trying to look for the next “Lethal Weapon” Black/White combo. And it’s not a bad attempt. Only that…if you think about the presence of Seagal and his overbearing personality in most of his movies (not needing a sidekick), I would say it’s a miraculous accomplishment.

Look for that underrated character actor Bob Gunton (warden from “Shawshank Redemption”) as another sleazy rich guy slimeball and a young Nikki Cox as a Catholic school girl. Both a lot of fun to watch.

Drag That Mule

I swear to God, finishing a movie without money is like dragging a mule up a hill in desert heat.

When you're so close to finishing a project you've sat on for so long, it's aggravating to have to look after the details. You assume other people would have the wherewithal to take an enthusiastic drive as you do to complete the fucking thing. But they don't. Which makes you wonder if they give a shit, are hearing what you're saying or stop caring. I say two out of those three.

The other thing is, even though this is a chosen profession they've dedicated their lives too. It is still a drudgery to do something for others, especially if you're not excited about it. At least that is the impression I get from people who don't meet you at least half way. When the post production comes to you with the ticky tack detailed nuances of the final, you know they've lost faith. Or at least, that's the impression I get.

Why should it matter? Because these are people who don't fucking know what is going to play or what doesn't. A favor doesn't mean much if they aren't enriched by it. Thus, if they don't care or buy the story, they don't put any effort in it. Or minimal effort, in hopes you aren't pissed off at them. But, if I am able to see the forest through the trees, I would say it's pretty transparent.

I'm not saying you need to blow sunshine and rainbows up anyone's ass. Just that making an effort means a great deal. Having someone know you're doing all you can for their project...good or bad, means you have a working relationship. If the case is that you don't believe in the project JUST FUCKING SAY SO and leave. It goes back to what I've been saying since day one...no one wants to say "no" to someone, because if the project does well, they'll be the one that missed the boat. It's easier to say yes and do a half-ass job. But in the end, you're only hurting yourself.

Don't Believe It All

I was watching through some old Steven Seagal movies.

It’s funny how everyone has an opinion of him. And none of them all that positive. As it’s pretty easy to shit on someone who is so arrogant and self aware. But having worked with him through one movie, I have to say…it’s only that he’s famous is that he gains that type of reputation.

I recall on our set, he was usually flanked by a big entourage. Most likely bodyguards. And he was quiet, and didn’t show up until everything was set. Now, if I told you this and said it was…Marlon Brando, you’d give him a pass. Because…it’s someone you consider a “real” actor. While it’s true Seagal is considered more of a personality than an actor, he REALLY didn’t exhibit a different behavior than Bruce Willis or Tom Cruise does. They just show up to work. Not chit chat. I would say if you studied the habits of just normal actors on set, you’d see the same thing. They’re just not famous so it’s not a story.

Yet, a lumbering giant like Seagal seems to have a more microscope to bad behavior than any other actor of his genre. I would say, it’s very unfair. Had Jeff Speakman (yeah, you don’t remember do you, primed to be new action martial arts star) broken through, he would’ve been saddled with the same ridicule and most likely stories would be conjured up about you on set.

This is how rumors start. If you are an actor, it takes one person who has a beef with you to spread some misinformation that you are a difficult person to deal with. Or you have weird rituals or whatever. This will haunt you throughout your career (Richard Gere and gerbils was most likely the work of a disgruntled assistant). THAT’s why stars need to be guarded. Because their reputation is box office (probably moreso in my generation than now). For Seagal to demand I light and shoot him a specific way, doesn’t mean he’s demanding. The better narrative is if I told you he blustered at me to do everything he demanded. But that wouldn’t be the truth. In fact, after this meeting, the crew were very curious as to what he had to tell me. To which I listed his demands. The lowest grip on the rung mentioned to another grip how he felt it weird a star would have the same standards as an aging actress. These are how these things get started. Sometimes…we are actually active participants in getting a star to act odd. Just to see what that person would do. THEN, we base it on THAT incident. We’re more fucked than they are.

The same thing with Andy Dick. My roommate a decade back was his assistant. Everyone has an Andy Dick story in this town. He really does it to himself. But most of it was really untrue. Having spent some time hanging with his posse, he’s really boring. He does things on whims to stave off his own boredom. And he’s surprisingly generous. He’s got weird foibles that I would guarantee aren’t any stranger than a typical American. But since it’s him…the stories circulate. I sometimes love doing that because it’s much more engaging then…oh he’s shopping for a birthday present for his son. Good guy. Yeah, that’s boring shit people tune out of. Unfortunately, a lot of times spicing up your encounters make people perk up.

So, if you ever get around a star, do your best to not fluff up a story to suit your entertainment value. I hope I haven’t. Oh wait, I have. Just the name Steven Seagal itself probably drew an audience of looky-loos.

The Acupuncturist pt. 3

As I walked into the office, the door was open. It’s in a strip mall type area. Door…wide open. I stepped in when I saw my acupuncturist. I apologized for being early. She hustled me in. Smiling and touchy feely and in her Russian:

“It’s okay. How are you?” Didn’t wait for an answer. “I’ll be with you in a second.” She seemed agitated. I waited in the  waiting room, picked up a Time magazine and started to read about the making of “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.”

“Fools!” I thought. I’ve got the inside scoop. I worked on it (which I didn’t know any more than the average Comicon nerd).  I flipped through the pages as Russian was being flung around in the back room. None of my business. I continued to read. A hairy, bear of a man appeared. I didn’t look up from the magazine, but caught him out of the corner of my eye. Acupuncturist spoke to him curtly in Russian and hustled him to the exit. He left the building, but didn’t get too far. Just outside the door. To which she cheerfully switched gears and escorted me to the room.

“Ah!” she was really flustered. “So much going on.” I explained to her how awful I felt. Jaw and neck pain.

“Vee work on your back and then front.” I had no idea what she meant but okay. “Take off shirt.”

To which she finally let loose with the commotion. She told me a guy had come in and brought in her lover for acupuncture, I wish I was making this up, and his wife had shown up! The commotion was the wife really upset and trying to save his marriage. They also have a 6 year old kid. As I laid there with my shirt off face down on the work table, I hear them STILL arguing by my window. She apologized profusely.

“Sorry, they are friends, but this is…they come to my work place. And they do this.”

“Man, you're caught in the middle.” I’m half expecting to hear gun shots. But more scared that SHE was agitated. Being stuck with needles while someone is distracted is…well, had she not been Russian, I’d be scared. But with the amount of vodka these people can drink and still operate a Kolishikov, I wasn’t all THAT worried. But still…

Then I felt a pin prick. I winced. The needle went into my neck. Then the left palm (where I’d been experiencing numbness). Then a few more into my trapezus area. It felt like when they hit a sore nerve. It felt painful but good at the same time. Then she was quiet for a bit. Hovering over me. I felt the needles move a little. Then I heard a machine hum. Which is when I first felt the electric surge through a muscle. Like when you shock a frog. My muscle twitched. It felt like a mini-shock wave through the tissue. It pulsed. Felt odd and I stiffened.

“Wow. That’s odd.”

“Yes, it’s good?”

“Yeah, just feels weird. But fine.” I think it was a TENs machine. But didn’t want to look up. After a while, the vibrations started to feel really good. Which is when I zonked out.

A few minutes later, she returned. Asked me how I felt. I told her she could amp it up a bit. Which she did. And I went into a spasm. She tuned the machine down. Man, it was a weird feeling. But good weird. She finished with a bunch of needles to my jaw and lower neck.

This is by far the best session I had. Funny, that couple’s spat that occurred just outside my window just seemed to disappear. BUT, it brings me back to my original assessment of this woman. She surrounds herself with some real drama. I mean, most people in holistic medicine seem to desperately need it themselves. I suppose that theory exists for a reason. Ah…North Hollywood.

"Death Wish 3" (1985)

In movies, it seems cops have the same contentious relationship with vigilantes as mimes do with clowns. They get the same result, but each thinks it’s doing a better job.

Paul Kersey has returned to New York City (or London in this case, as the locales feel…very colonial, even in its dreck). He now goes under an assumed name of Kimball. And this movie wastes no time in having someone Paul knows die. Unfortunately, a mix up of sorts gets Kersey…er…I mean Kimball into the crosshairs of a hardass police captain played by the late great Ed Lauter. As this s a Golan-Globus Cannon Group joint, naturally Ed roughs up Kersey…um…Kimball freely, since he knows of Kersey’s reputation. Not before Kersey (fuck it, it’s Kersey…assholes) gets in his own licks. This act of self defense lands him in a jail cell, which is where we meet Kersey’s nemesis for the film. Now, if you miss the days of when pasty White weirdos were the criminals…boy, is this the movie for you. He reminds me of my friend Tavis from high school. He was a red-neck gangly weirdo. But an interesting overbite. This is the leader of a gang that muscles an apartment complex for money. He's played by Dan O' Herlihy's son...Gavan. By the way, one of his minions is played by Alex Winter. We’re officially gone Edgar Winter up in this bitch.

Well, the city is riddled with crime, which…to be honest, would rate a typical loot job after a Black person got killed by a cop status. In other words, And it’s also silly, since they know the apartment complex these crimes are being taken place in. Not like they have to run down an apartment complex. Because, you know…apartment complexes don’t just up and run away.

Also, times have changed. There’s a scene when a mugger who steals purses and cameras gets a Paul Kersey special. Blasts him out of his sneakers. And…I laugh when I type this…the whole neighborhood cheers. Yes, a guy who steals lady’s purses gets blasted in public and they celebrate. Versus now, when ghetto neighborhoods complain of police brutality when a criminal is blasted. The argument being “a purse isn’t worth someone’s life.” Well, we know this guy won’t be stealing purses anymore. That’s the point.

But Bronson, being Bronson still had time, in his neighborhood watch program to bang his defense attorney (who is like, 30 years younger than him). He's THAT macho that a brief encounter where he blows her off at the courthouse, she tracks him down to get some of his D. I was sorry to hear of the passing of Deborah Raffin, the woman who played this role.

Well, it starts off strong, then turns into a ten minute ending shooting gallery. It's always hilarious when people scream as they fall off a building after being shot.

I digress. This movie is silly. But good to see Martin Balsam tackle a different role than a father figure. You know, these are the types of movies that perfect for you to see the movie from the villain's point of view. I would say, if you belonged in a gang...Paul Kersey would be like...the Boogey Man.

My First Film Production

We didn't have a legit film school back at Bowling Green State University. So my friend Ed and I muscled this short out of whatever resource we had. To be accurate, I'd towed it together by spit and gum. It cost me, what I thought was a pretty heavy sum at the time of $4,000. Partially funded by sororities and fraternities I'd tapped danced to donate a few hundred. I spent months in the bell tower of University Hall hovered over a Moviola flatbed editor with a cracked screen, and trim bins of film, surviving on Coke and pizza.

Yes, film ran through a machine back then. Had to splice images from one strip of film to another. That was from the film stock to dailies (yes, they use to have to be printed) to the final answer print.

Which is what I recently rescanned nearly 20 years later to 2K resolution. Despite the awful exposures I did with the movie, as we didn't have a light meter at the time, it came out relatively well. I credit DuArt of New York to have finished it into a print. This movie can be played at the New Beverly if I wanted, since it is an answer print. Since it has an optical track on it. The mix, which I paid a guy named Jerry Frederick, who was had mixed "The Evil Dead" for Sam Raimi. He was based out of Ann Arbor, Michigan and was the closest thing I had to movie royalty. He was a flaming gay dude who had a basement of sound gear. Really proficient in what he did. But kinda' skeezy.

The only thing I remember from this movie is it was rainy and cold. And we took every opportunity for production design. Perhaps even some parade that was happening within the city. I don't recall.

I also had a really great girlfriend at the time. I remember seeing this at a packed Dorothy & Lillian Gish theater and she being proud of me. Accomplishments don't mean all that much if you don't share them. I also remember inviting local townsfolk to it. And to my surprise...THEY SHOWED! It was pretty amazing. I don't mean to make it sound like some Frank Capra moment, but it really was. Keep in mind, it was 1998.

This poster was unearthed by my friend from that era. We've know each other THAT long. What was really touching...all the principles in the cast STILL have this lame poster. I remember this was my first time designing a poster, so it's really rough. But, it's really amazing everyone kept a copy of it. My friend Eric even went as far as to have it framed (mine is collecting butter and grease stains on y fridge).

It was a very small moment, but I'll never forget the moment I got to screen a movie I struggled to have made be seen by complete strangers who wanted to see what a kid could make.

I'm not sure people fully understood the movie then. It was dark, shoddy acting (sorry guys, it's bad...bad directing too). But the core of the movie came across. We made a college drinking regret movie a few years before they became popular. I watched some of it while I was transferring and...a lot of it still cracks me up. The audacity of the topic. And the fearlessness I had back then. It's one of those feelings I hope everyone gets to experience at least once.

"The Road To Morocco" (1942)

Bing Crosby and Bob Hope star in this odd couple adventure into the Middle East, it’s no wonder Seth MacFarlane aped this duo when he made these odd side adventures of Stewie & Brian in their spoof "The Road To Rhode Island". Something of a musical drawn from the days of vaudeville, we get schtick and shenanigans all in the name of fun. It’s especially nice to see a very young Anthony Quinn play a sultan. A wonderful serious contrast to the wacky stylings of Hope & Crosby.

Also, the jokes are really…um…not politically correct. For instance, at the bizarre, they both learn that in the (presumed) Islamic religion a man who is destitute and mentally disabled is to be taken care of, and is never bothered as he is given free things. In a very insensitive to today’s society but riotously funny to me, Hope acts like a full-on retard. The schtick doesn’t stop there…so he attempts this retard on a shopkeeper who…happens to have a speech impediment and explodes at Hope believing he is mocking his patois! Fuck that’s funny.

The women in this are really classically hot. Dorothy Lamour (who's done seven of these with Hope/Crosby) plays the love interest to them both who seems to have an ulterior motive whereas Dona Drake plays a sweet as pie harem girl, who has eyes for Hope.

This is a fun movie. Some of the jokes are surprisingly current, a lot is dated. But it’s fun to follow the banter. If you think about their relationship, it’s so very much like a buddy cop movie. It seems they began the trend of when one character bamboozles the other in an attempt to get out of trouble, but the tables are turned as secrets are revealed. I would say a movie like “Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid” writer William Goldman may have been influenced by the duo. You could probably draw the same back and forth swindling in “The Sting” as well.

Fun stuff.

"Saturday Night Fever" (1977)

It dawned on me that, when I first saw this movie as a kid, it was stupid. Disco sucked and the fashion was dumb. The music by The Bee Gees was already dated. That's because I'd been watching the PG rated version all this time.

Even in today's culture, I'd consider it a Hard 'R' rather than the 'R' given. In fact, I'd say it caught up to the sexual insanity we face now. That a girl who is so tired of chasing an unobtainable dancing fool would allow herself to be gang-banged, and then go about life as if nothing is wrong. A cum-dumpster of sorts. Or as Tony Manero says "you're either a good girl or a cunt, which do you wanna be."

I feel bad for the schmucks who fell for disco. In the documentary that accompanied this disc, it does mention the fact that people were tired of the sick and dark. They were 2 years after Vietnam War and wanted something mindless. Disco was the answer.

There is no real plot to speak of, in this movie. Only that Tony (none other than John Travolta) wants to win a dance contest and is trying to survive the harsh realities of Brooklyn. He shits all over a girl who fawns over him (aforementioned Annette, played by Donna Pescow) to get hooked up with a wannabe uptown girl, Stephanie (Karen Lynn Gorley). Even her name is WASP-y.

The 'R' version of this movie is amazing. The language of the city is so authentic, you swear you're living in the sweaty city. It's a night of just...showing off your dance moves. Which was what this movie is based, a story about the underground of disco.

What is truly amazing about this movie, is Travolta. Yeah, he is Vinnie Barbarino, but...as Tony, he has depth no real teenager has. Even though he's sort of an ignorant clod, unimpressed with Stephanie's airs, he sees his life for something bigger than the mooks he grew up with, or works around. In that sense, they're a pretty good predecessor to "Good Will Hunting." He has natural talent, good looks and a curiosity about the world. Yet, he expresses them like a caveman. To impress his friends? Most likely. He knows it's a dead end hanging around. But in the meantime, the dancing makes him feel like a king, if only...well, there is a secret to that as well which is revealed.

Tony Manero is a dynamic complex character. He is racist, but not. Misogynistic, but not. A thug, but not. Hell, he don't even knows what he is, but something eats at him to be more.
Expertly directed by John Badham, who incidentally re-created the dancing in "Short Circuit" which he also directed.

Does the movie hold up? Story wise, definitely. Fashion wise...I think polyester is going to make another come back.

Why I Hate Remakes

I think I figured out why I hate remakes so much...
When I got into movies, the ones I loved were embedded into my head. I could watch them repeatedly and never grow tire of them. They were great stories told with great craft.
The issue with remakes is, this notion of iconic moments. Movies that reach this status are pretty rare. The American Film Institute loves to put together lists that rate them. This is only a tiny poll of what is out there. And it's a complete mess nowadays.

The idea of original stories that become legends, is that reason alone. Take "The Magnificent Seven" for instance. A classic of a remake. Actually, perfect example. It's a solid western, but taken from "The Seven Samurai"...what you essentially did was re-tool with English for American public. What you didn't realize was, in doing so, you've diluted the history of the Akira Kurosawa movie. Thus, thinning out the iconography of a Japanese classic. The world doesn't know Toshiro Mifune due to this. The same as if you remade "Ghostbusters." What the new generation will see is THIS version of it. Thus, diluting the impact the original had. And, the residual effect is also fucking with star power. You've now reverse the roles of the characters and putting the original cast into a more...filtered role. They become less important in the history of film.

There are no stars today, because of that. You think Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie or Will Smith are stars? Nope. Stars had projects that are embedded in the history of film. I wouldn't say "Top Gun" belongs in the canon of movies like "Rebel Without A Cause" if you consider the relative years spaced between the two.
What remakes do is kill stars. They should be the most up in arms about it. Since their legacy is dissolved every time sequels or remakes are done. The only truth we're left with (and obviously), it's completely and totally a financial thing. A remake or sequel, you can quantify the audience. It crushes the spirit of those looking for original material, since it can't find an audience without distribution. To which, they want a sequel or remake.

A-list actors should fight harder for their legacy to be preserved. I understand it's just movies, but I think, there are usually not many people who clamor for remakes. It's always met with a groan. But the audience still shows up. And until that changes, we will never have stars ever again.

Vegans: Dumb Airheads

The fuck you climbing Mt. Everest for?
Dr. Maria Strydom suffered high-altitude pulmonary edema, which fluid built up in her head and she died. The sherpas must be laughing their assess off every time these White billy goats attempt this. For what reason...here's a new one:

“It seems that people have this warped idea of vegans being malnourished and weak,” Strydom said in an interview on Monash’s blog. “By climbing the seven summits we want to prove that vegans can do anything and more.”

So Vegans can do anything? Well, apparently they can die a painful death on a mountain already littered with corpses. You know what I'd be more proud of? Helping retarded children in Africa or some shit like that. Even if you reached the summit, no one gave a fuck. And no one gives a fuck now. Your family is devastated though. So...great job proving to us...nothing.

I also need to add, this whole notion that she died doing what she loved. Slowly suffocating in high-altitude wouldn't be my first choice of doing what I love. People, the thing has been scaled by people already. You're not breaking new ground, so do something else. Christ.

Resurgence Of Kodak Motion Picture Film

There’s a massive push to make shooting on film relevant again. A film lab is to be open at the end of this year in New York City. Others are popping up again in the southwest to take on the influx of projects throughout the U.S.

Though still over 70% of movies in the U.S. studio are strictly forced to shoot on digital medium, there are the big budget ones that are convinced shooting on film is optimal.

On a selfish side, yes…completely. If you’re in the trenches trying to be taken seriously, film negative is the only way you should shoot. The movies that shoot digital and attempt to make look like film, most have discovered, is costing the same. What happened? Simple, the flagrant lies of “shooting digital is cheaper” exist solely in…production. As I’ve mentioned in past post, most overlook the end product. Which is a LOT of beauty work for talent, post grain addition and many other implements to give a big budget look. There is a phrase in Hollywood techies that says “pay me now, or pay me later.”

The competitive nature of our industry relies that you act as if you’re much more than you actually are. So, if someone shoots digital and wants a film look, the post-houses are holding the cards. You already fucked over a lot of post houses in America, they’re getting a little bit back by your reliance now. Need makes studios empty their wallets fast. Desperate need makes them listen. Rental houses are happily nickel & diming your production because your mindset is “digital is cheaper.” Keep a close eye on your bottom line, and you’ll discover how silly that is.

And I’m not suggesting all projects shoot on film. It’s a poor business model for people who don’t understand the infrastructure. My boss has told me numerous times, the surest way to get people’s mindset into their project is to separate the creative part from the nuts and bolts. And too many people are reliant on the nuts and bolts. Sort of. Since technology changes constantly, unless you are there day-to-day what is new today is old tomorrow. Literally overnight. Who can fucking keep up? Film is what it is. I can scan any of your projects from the 1980’s and still get an image that could withstand the market today. It’s near impossible to look at a digital movie from the early 2000’s and it being acceptable. In relative sense, digital is taking WAY too much time to get to where film is already.

Now, is it a psychology thing? Maybe. Can we convince ourselves that a “soap opera” clean look is more natural? I’m not sure. I know every talent hates looking at the unfinished raw of themselves in dailies. Not so in film. There is a flicker in film dailies that sort of lulls image conscious folks. This might be the saving grace of film. I’m not entirely sure why there is this resurfaced interest in film, other than, quite simply, people just like the craft of it. The decisions are much more impactful when shooting movies on film. Could be that they can’t get the look of movies they admired as film fans with digital. My theory, the commerce is catching up with the art again. A lot of vendors are bending to the whims of creative types who don’t mind the extra step. More awareness is being brought to those who didn’t know they had other options. And finally, you only have to shoot with it once to understand why the process is so magical. Instantly, you are shocked by what you did and what you got. You feel something much more tangible than booting up a hard drive. Most people feel accomplished. And though big studios could give a shit what enriches you, eventually they may run out of people who prefer craft over the bottom line.

Kudos for at least ONE American company that didn’t fleece taxpayers for its survival. That’s something to support.

"Sorcerer" (1977)

I thought I'd heard it before, but my amigo The Van Man, alerted me to the podcast of WTF with Marc Maron, where director William Friedkin speaks of this little seen or underground famous movie. First off, Friedkin is a total dick. You should never, ever, ever...don't care what era you live in endanger actors or crew. He laughs about it now, but you really want to bust him in the chops circa 2016. It's also not enough to dismiss it by saying he put his life in danger as well. Good, go kill yourself then.
That said, he reminds me of Werner Herzog in "Fitzcarraldo" a filmmaker attempting to bring a steamship over a hill which leads him to a sense of madness. Much like Friedkin, Herzog had a reputation of odd behavior to get the result. To a production, it may seem the ends justifies the means. However, in today's society, jeopardizing anyone for a movie is silly and should be criminal charges for that.

"Sorcerer", a remake of "Wages Of Fear", is fascinating as it takes a hardcore John Huston like stance on man and humanity. We're first introduced to four characters from different parts of the world, that end up in hiding in some Dominican country. The icons of German fascism are clear in the oil well that is in the jungle. The men there stand out to the destitute natives. They are a stranger hiding in a strange land. When an accident destroys the wells, a call for volunteers to close the disaster is put to the people of the town. Desperate for the money, the fours ex-patriots are assigned the duty, only to learn they are hauling highly volatile nitroglycerin over 200 miles of rough terrain.

Yeah, it's a man's movie. Full of greasy, grinding gears, sweat and mud. And people don't live. Had this been a few years earlier, you almost sense a Sam Peckinpah-esque mess. Instead, it's a great combination of thrills and tragedy. Every man is introduced with a empathetic situation to their lives that lead them to this town. Most will have to find a way out. And, it was about working together to get there. Which, as Friedkin had mentioned in the podcast, seems to be the universal theme of our world. We all need to work together so that shit don't blow up. That's pretty cool.

Check this movie out if you get a chance. I think it's one of Friedkin's accessible movies. Unless "Cruisin'" or the "The Boys In The Band" are more your...heh heh...flavor.

"The End Of Tour" (2015)

It is miraculous in the sense that you wouldn’t think a movie about two guys traveling in a car would be that interesting but it is utterly fascinating. I’m sure in the celebrity world there are plenty of famous people who play off that they are very ordinary in life. To which, the general public don’t buy it for a minute. Not because they buy expensive things or eat expensive foods or have sex with the hottest women, but that if someone dissected your life, every minor detail under the microscope would be magnified to douchebag levels. That would mean, the off-the-cuff trips to hot dog stand for the common man’s meal is met with a lot of eye rolls. When in reality, we aren’t all that different from each other. In terms of skill, talent and intelligence. The difference is expressing it to others. To which the value of that is the relate-ability to what’s at our core. You gain a lot for telling people what they want to hear, more so in telling it so bluntly and clearly.

I scanned the dailies to this movie a few years back and recall being…intrigued by it. It seemed so…normal. And that’s just what it is…a taste of the Midwest and fame.

David Lipsky (Jesse Eisenberg) is a Rolling Stone journalist and a marginal writer for books. When the opportunity to escort David Foster Wallace (Jason Segel), a celebrated novelist comes around to the last of his tour, he instantly begs to write a story about him. This would mean spending a few days traveling with the oddball writer (as most writers are oddballs). What manifest is a dissection of fame and perception of success and fear and everything else that accompanies success. This is the movie I’ve been wanting to make for years, just that director James Ponsoldt & writer Donald Marguilies has cracked. That they are fascinating people who have divergent lives. Though Wallace is suspicious of Lipsky at first, we know that this relationship is going to go awry when the reality of a famous person’s life really sets in.

As a big city journalist dissatisfied with his latest, accompanying a rock star in the book world, it’s within minutes these two have to be wondering what the others’ motives will be. To that…AMAZING!

I love this movie on so many levels. Simply because it shows the simplicity of Midwestern life in the 90’s, but also that it gives insight into creative people minds. It didn’t have to be Wallace. It could’ve been Axl Rose. The only thing you know is that the world sees him differently than he sees himself. He answers the most pretentious of questions: is the success in the creative world all that matters? Will people like you for who you are? In his memory banks, all he can derive from this is…a non-answer. The type that doesn’t leave you frustrated, since anyone who does these things ask themselves this as well. To the frustration of loved ones or well wishers. In his attempt to figure it out too, and if you are left with the same emptiness, you aren’t so lonely watching this film (I suspect, the same as if you’ve read his books). On paper, how in God’s name did they grab the essence of the man without a plot to speak of is short of genius itself. I know a lot of people were turned off by the sense that it was a talky, pretentious poetic trip, but it was surprisingly down-to-Earth and matter of fact.

What a joy it was to watch this movie. And I sincerely feel another discovery for future film watchers. It’s enlightening movie and exquisitely crafted. I recommended highly. Also, the fact that Jason Segel wasn’t nominated for an Oscar is history’s loss. I haven’t seen a performance this immersive in a very long time. Wonderful.

"Ant-Man" (2015)

Okay, I'm super-hero''d out. This movie is exhausting, yet still has moments of fun. And that's not too bad.

Paul Rudd as Scott Lang/Ant-Man is a large part of it. A normal dude who steals a suit that shrinks him to ant size. Mchael Douglas is Dr. Prym, which in this world seems to be a counter rich science-dude than to the Stark family. A lot of industrialists in...Marvel universe?

Anyway, Douglas is a good guy. He's developed something he must now hide from people hoping to exploit it. The frustrating thing about this movie is...what's the problem with having them use it for military? Only that military is bad...I guess. Hippie shit, no doubt.

Lang isn't a good guy. Well, he is and he isn't. He stole from rich people and spent time in San Quentin. We rally for him, because he is a Robin Hood of sorts. And Douglas sees his burglary prowess. To which he gravitates to, in order to save his relationship to his daughter who is now living with a mother (Judy Greer) and step-father who is a cop. TOTAL comic book scenario.

When the action sequences work, they REALLY work. They don't spend too much time humanizing the ants. But you feel bad when the mini-war happens in a kid's bedroom. The effects are pretty amazing at ground level. A long way from "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids." Though I prefer practical elements over CGI any day.

This movie is just fun, if you don't dig too deeply into the logistics. There are a lot of logic flaws that seem very lazy. Like, how a guy in a suit who's been through water piping, blasted through walls and glass, can take a Tazering. Things like that will annoy you. But then again...I'm a firm believer in John Cassevetes "Continuity is for pussies" mantra.

"The Nice Guys" (2016)

As a massive Shane Black fan, this movie is crushing. And I defended “The Last Boy Scout.” Warner Bros. seems to be getting his dreck as Marvel uses him as a gun for hire to fool Warner to believe he can direct. He can’t. This movie is an absolute mess. I am certain Black can’t possibly be proud of this movie. It’s awful.

Sure, thank you kindly for the repeat shots of porn star tits. Or, the debaucherous scumbag references of Los Angeles, but aside from all that, it just is too silly to even be interesting.

The year is 1977, and we are deep into a plot about a thug-for-hire Russell Crowe and a sad-sack gumshoe (Ryan Gosling) with a daughter. There’s some tragic story there about the mother’s absence, but it is strangely played for laughs. As is Russell Crowe’s backstory. There is none. He seems to be a good guy who wants to do good, but sees the world as awful. Presumably a recovering drunk, he hires Gosling’s P.I. to track down a girl gone missing. Sound familiar? Yep, “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” follows the template. Except here, it’s really ugly and not very fun.

The story takes odd turns, leads come up dead…and the wise-cracking timing is off somehow. There are good moments, but that’s all there is. There are the moments of endearment. Dad jokes type endearing, where you feel it’s been told to Black by a drunken molest-y uncle or something. It’s silly stuff you see in every movie he writes. Everything just seemed so misplaced. The action didn’t even seem all that thrilling. And the fight sequences are clunky. Save for punch sounds, you wouldn’t know if anyone even got hit. And the teen daughter in the world of porn in the 70’s is really odd. Odd that it probably seemed more natural in a movie like “Boogie Nights” but for Gosling’s kid, she was suppose to seem precocious, ended up being a lot more unnerving.

The movie is also shot digitally. Film negative would’ve added so much more to the mood of the movie. And you can tell how much they were fighting with the modernized look of digital with the analog look of film. The setting just looked..plastic and flat. There wasn’t that aged feel, even though they had “aged” film in the movie itself.

If you’re going for a plot, there is none. ¾ through the movie you’re actually really confused as to what they are suppose to be doing. Never fear, someone comes into push the story forward. It happens too many times that you wonder if luck doesn’t play a role in their work. They’re not good detectives or muscle, they’re just passive bystanders waiting for someone to tell them their next move. TERRIBLE mistake.

I get that the studios probably thought “we can’t pass on the guy who wrote ‘Lethal Weapon.’” That is close to 30 years old. Wow, what a difference Black is going through. He’s lost so much more when he started directing. Weird, since it seems most people figure out how to directed by writing. This movie stinks bad. Sorry…it just does.

"Billy Bathgate" (1991)

This was in a two-pack blu-ray I got for $2.00. I want my $1.99 back

So…instead of focusing on the gangster, we see the gangster life through a supposed “kid” and his relationship to Dutch Schulz. Okey-dokey.

Dutch is played by Dustin Hoffman. The least intimidating guy pretty much…ever. Yet he’s asked to play one of the most hotheaded gangsters in history. Sorry, don’t buy it. The whole entire exchange between him and Bruce Willis is silly. Tough guy talk from a nebbish to an action star is really weird. It doesn’t really matter how many tantrums you have him throw, he’s clearly not that tough.

The story does focus on Loren Dean’s character, who is a kid from the depressed streets of the Bronx named Billy. He changes his last name to “Bathgate” on the spur of the moment name-game. Of course no one from those parts would understand it is a fake name, since everyone in New York City knows every street. Your pretty much defined by where you grew up. So, it’s boneheaded. Or is he smart? So says Dutch Schulz, so that he can be integrated into this plot.

The movie is really stupid. Characters doing things to supplement the plot. Such as, Billy always being within earshot of Dutch and the lawyer. And Dutch’s gang which included a very young Steve Buscemi, seem to take a shine to the kid. For no real reason. He’s annoying but he is a go-getter. Sort of. They’re so dumb, or at least the script is, because they constantly mention the googly eyes he makes to Mrs. Drew Preston, the gangster moll who is passed around, but turns out she’s just a bored rich guy’s wife. I guess since the story really needed her to be. It’s a weird mix of what seems like reality and a fantasy role play between actors.

There are easier ways to get a Nicole Kidman naked, considering this was roughly her first role. It was odd how awkward her nudity was in this movie. Shown but then covered up. Is it worth sitting through this movie to see them. Hell no!

"Ghostbusters" (2016) trailer hates

“Geek culture is home to some of the biggest assholes I’ve ever met in my life,” Feig told the New York Daily News... “Especially after being attacked by them for months because of this ‘Ghostbusters’ project.”~ Paul Feig

So there lies in wait, the most hated trailer on YouTube. And this was the response from its overrated "director."

"Bridesmaids" was the most overrated dumb, unfunny sack of shit ever. I use hyperbole to combat the flipside which dubbed it "the best comedy ever made." Like we never thought women were funny. They aren't. That movie isn't. Of course, that just means I don't have a sense of humor. No, I just found torturing Wiig over her low-esteem versus Rose Everyone-Wants-To-Bang Byrne really tiresome. No one ever stopped to think that behavior between shitty women isn't funny, it's tragic. Even more tragic is that Maya Rudolph is way too understanding or completely idiotic for befriending two clearly different people. It suited the plot. Barf.

I did like "The Heat" and "Spy" though. There is an endearing quality to that movie that transcended Bridesmaids." Sisterhood done to a better emotional core. Not some phony plot device that suited its story. It was so fantastically dumb, it became something of a mythical land of make believe.

I've said it in the past, so I'll mention it again here...there is an arrogance to remaking something all these "geeks" love. And then flipping it to say that these geeks need to get over themselves. So says the guy who relies on their ticket sales to keep making his crap. His attitude, for sure, breeds the worst in Hollywood. Believing your own press. Which is only good when you are succeeding. Good luck when you hit the basement. See how many of these geeks will bail you out.

San Francisco Police Chief Resigns After Shooting

Where are you Dirty Harry Callahan?
Lady sitting in a car that was reported stolen. Cop turns on sirens and lights. To which STUPID FUCKING lady drives off. To which she endangered many of your homo lives. Guess those lives don't matter.

Anyway, car slams into a utility vehicle. And then cop shoots lady in car. She died. She happened to be Black. So, therefore, police chief resigns with his paycheck securely attached.

Society up north have to be the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet. IF you steal a fucking car, it's your ass. NO ONE seems to believe the consequences can be that grave. Driving recklessly through the streets...and if we're going down this road, with what amounts to a loaded weapon (crazy car thief behind a wheel), the world is a BETTER place for not having people like this on it.

Get it?
But instead, piece of shit Mayor and it's bobble headed creampuffs want Chief to step down. He gets paid, you lose experience. Man are you dumb.

But whatever, this stems from a Mexican homeless man who was wielding a knife that got shot by police. What's the alternative? Let him walk around with a knife wielding it at the general public? Also, whatever happened to that illegal who shot the poor tourist WHITE girl in San Fran? That ever get resolved.

Grow some fucking balls, you assholes. Not every Mary in that town has to decide what you do. Especially since they function on emotion and not common sense. Fuck, man.

Cruelty To Movie Minions

 Click here for the read

My film school friend came across this blog about a production assistant/office aide who quit the movie industry because of the behavior of a Academy Award nominated director. People guessed it to be Alexander Payne. The guy’s movies are boring and stupid. He’s got as much relevance as that other fly-by guy who did “Napoleon Dynamite.” A hipster’s messiah.

Well, that wasn’t my point as much as it’s very strange to hear of a subpar movie maker behave so poorly. She blabbed about the insanity that went into making (presumably) “Election.” The shit that “Entertainment Tonight” won’t show you. Because it hurts people like Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Broderick. People are shitty people in general. I’m not sure this chick should be surprised at the morally bankrupt people of this town. But I understand, NO ONE should trade their dignity for fame (and/or fortune). Most people do though. Or attempt to swallow their pride. It’s a very feudal society in that we all have to prove we belong here. This chick chose the wrong test to take.

I gripe and moan about the assholes in this town, probably to my disadvantage, but to sidestep it all, or attempt to, you can put yourself out the game, as she did. OR…play the game by your own rules. Does that mean you will starve for a period of time. Probably. Or no one will want to partner up with you. But, the way the business is what it is now, you can do what you want, where you want, and how you want. So the reliance on assholes like Payne to make your life miserable has softened. BUT a big warning: because you run away from adversity, is sometimes the best path, but I would always ask yourself whether you’re quitting for the right reasons. If these people were immature asswipes, to end your career short to juvenile behavior seems…soft. In which case, sayonara and next man up. HOWEVER, if you find you can’t look at yourself in the mirror or dread living, yeah…move on, this business isn’t for you. Her experience genuinely is not uncommon. I’ve heard worse. But I will say, we do all have the capacity for cruelty. The Stanford test shows if we’re put into the role of warden, our prisoners will feel the brunt, despite they are only role playing and are really our friends. It’s the nature of who we are. Unfortunately, to move forward, sometimes it does require a thicker, short-termed memory skin. Though, what really happens is, this gets passed on to the next unsuspecting schlub. No one ever treats a person poorly, if they have a job that sucks and no one else wants to do it. Why? Then you may be moved down. EVERYONE seems to have a mentality of privilege working in movies since everyone is enamored by them. If you break through to the position of power, it will corrupt you. Or people may perceive it that way. In which case, you don’t really have the time to deal with these assholes anyway.

The Acupuncturist Pt. 2

The suction cups latched to my skin and I heard the pumping noise of air. Skin sucked into the plastic bulbous container…at least I think it did. Then it stuck there as the pain shot to my brain. Like a titty twister on your neck. 30 seconds passed. She released a valve and air escaped, and the lip of the cups released with a pop.

I gotta say…it did wonders for the side of my face. The Russian acupuncturist seemed bemused by my dizzyness. Studying me like a leper victim. At arms length with random questions. I answered through a fog of haze. After having laid there for an hour with needles, this was the 2^nd stage of recovery.

She disappeared without a word. Which is when I exited the room and went to the front counter. Another Russian lady was there. They seemed to be roughly the same age. They were both speaking some language. The one who is my usual caretaker sat in the back doing something…looking at her phone or something.

The younger one piped up in a similar Russian accent “your neck, there is mark.”

I shrugged, I knew they were welts involved (like last time). “It’s cool.”

She seemed concerned “They will go away.” I smiled like a moron and nodded.

The one that performs the work stepped in “you have insurance through Kaiser?”

Yep, I thought, you took my paperwork. “it will be same price if you don’t have to use.”

I didn’t get it. What are they suggesting?

“We don’t need to go through Kaiser, it will be same price.” I must’ve still looked dumbfounded because they seemed frustrated I wasn’t “getting it.”

“You come and Natalia give you discount, no need for Kaiser.” I thought “why won’t she take the insurance.” They must’ve seen THAT look then finally “She give you half price no matter what, you don’t have to use insurance.”

OOOOOOOOhhhhhhhh. In other words, she just charges me my co-pay for the visit. I’m guessing even after the five visits I get. This got me thinking…

a)    does she like me and want to keep seeing me.

b)   does she pity me like a child and understands I’m more fucked up then they want to say.

c)    More visits; more money (most likely)

d)   All the above

e)    None of the above

What a nice lady.

I got into my driveway and the hot girl who lives down the street came walking up the walkway. I nodded and said my hello. She looked at me weird. Sort of smiled and carried on.

When I went to the bathroom I saw the welts on my neck. They are ugly muthas. Wide as a fist and purple and red. It looks like I had a pigment problem. Fuck it, I feel better. Russians just don’t fuck around.

"My Bloody Valentine" (1981)

If you’ve ever sat around wondering what a Canadian slasher movie looks like…it’s this one: dull and dumb. Even the gore is bland. Which seems to follow suit with the people in it and the people who made it. If it were rated today...it would be at most a PG-13.

In the town of Valentine Cave or something (I can’t even remember it was so dumb), they are haunted by the death of a few of their citizens, because they were acting like assholes when they got drunk and people perished in a mine. Instead of canceling the Valentine’s festivities, they go on with the party. And that’s when one of the dead miners comes back to exact revenge. So the town cancels Valentine’s Day, until one year the celebration re-emerges. For what reason? God knows why. They know they’re cursed, what’s the point of…even a chance this (apparently) unstoppable monster would come back and kill revelers. I mean, nothing beats celebratin’ Valentine’s Day. Well, they thumb their noses at the legacy of Harry Warden. Yep, you heard right…to get in on the common slasher names such as Freddy Krueger AND Jason Vorhees, this disaster of a movie annoints the miner killer (not minor like he kills kids, or minor as he kills a little, but like…works in a mine and shit) Harry Warden.

Now that I’m properly pissed, let’s address the other major dumb ass story line. A love triangle between a guy who left town, and a hometown boy. Presumably they both grew up together. In fact knew the same girl they’ve both been boinking. If he’s carrying a torch for her over these years, it wasn’t like she had moved on with her life. Again, it seemed like some roulette wheel that had horror movie staples and they just spun it and used whatever came up. Bah!

I can tell they wanted to cash in on the holiday slasher movie craze of the 80’s. To their credit they weren’t hiding it. Since in this movie, they placed the day before Valentine’s Day on Friday the 13^th. A nod to who they attempted to rip off maybe? Who knows. They were released the same year. I’m certain this flick is what invented the man of color in the audience screaming for the dumb bitch to “not go in there, dumb bitch!” Anyway, surprised they remade this trash heap decades later…in 3D. Suppose it became free or something. How does a movie about a guy who rips out people’s hearts have no heart? Really ironic…dontcha’ think (fuck you Alanis Canadian Morrisette). I will tell you this much, they really did their best to cram in the titular line of the movie. But you have to wait a very long time to get to it. By then, you sort of guffaw rather than pump your fist in the air in victory. What a waste.