Do What You Can Do

Lately I've been considering doing something else in life. It's been nice dancing around in the film business, but, it's boring me. I guess once you get behind the curtain, the people involved seem to be more trouble than it's worth. Not that I would ever give up on my own projects, only that time away would be nice.

I have a fellow grad school friend who's given it up completely. He shares his opinions with me when he can. I can tell the shadow of storytelling is rough on him. As he recalls when making movies meant something. His family means more. I don't blame him, though...he seems embittered sometimes. The world moves on, and you feel as if you're left behind. In a recent interview with Robert Richardson, the cinematographer that shot "The Hateful 8" he talks about his fallout with long time collaborator Oliver Stone. For some reason, a project Stone wanted to do, got delayed, to which Richardson took another gig (one with Scorsese). Stone felt betrayed by it, and hasn't worked with Richardson since. I don't think it worries him. His two Oscars for cinematography precede his reputation. But he does mention taking his name off "World War Z" to which Paramount has sort of put him on a no-fly list. This is the shit-show you must endure to have a prolific life in movies. I've recently had a falling out with the powers that be. Though I've not verbalized my disgust for the management I supposedly answer to, I have been very clear the worker ants do the work, and these pathetic worthless management steal the credit. It's gut wrenching, as to the technicians who've spent a lifetime honing the craft, as the "powers that be" gladly accept the accolades. With ground teeth, these people disgust me on levels I can't really hide. Will they eventually be exposed? It's not a secret. So what's the next bit of logic...they accept this behavior. For those who believe you can do what you can do and let that stuff go...no one who cared about their industry, believes this.

I know a lot of people would rather not be involved in the drama and politics of storytelling. They'd rather just be fucking filmmakers. The rest of it is such high school garbage. I pursue my hopes of being my own industry. But it's not that easy. Wining and dining the glamour is part of the act. And I'm not so sure I stomach those things.

Being around real people have gotten me a perspective that living to work is not the same as working to live. Yeah, I know...obvious. Maybe I never put myself into the ring and felt the sting of true anger. I'd hope not. I couldn't sleep knowing this. But to transcend the resentment is all consuming. So much so, Richardson has admitted to having sacrificed his own personal family life for the goals of cinema. Does he regret it? No. It was his choice to do so. He fought the good fight early, and most likely doesn't know any other way to live.

Maybe this is a temporary feeling. But having to deal with shady characters lately have really tested my resolve. The threshold of those who moved on, beyond this...well, let's just say they picked a less taxing method of life. And it doesn't mean accolades at some award show.

We can only do what we can, when we can do it. And be happy just doing that. To me, that might mean letting the brass ring go, for the sake of sanity.