5 Least Favorite Movies of 2017

I figure I might as well talk about the ones that I didn't care for in 2017. Again, I would say these are movies I saw in the theater and not more than once (obviously).

5. "Alien: Covenant"

You almost want to get back to the series they're about to retcon. Ridley Scott completely lost his way with this retarded prequel. A LOT of things are wrong with this movie...mostly people constantly doing dumb fucking shit. Scott needs to know most of the "Alien" fans know more about the world than him. And the fan-fiction I've read have done it better. If that's not insulting, I don't know what is.

4. "Split"
M. Night's Marvel universe seemed so forced. You go through the entire series of events and come out a...franchise? That's the biggest "fuck you" to build atop a guy who already pulls the rug from under you.

3. "John Wick: Chapter 2"
It was such a drag to see the fun from the first one drained from this one. Time will prove the short life of Wick. To be honest, I couldn't tell you one fucking thing about this movie. I almost wish it was about...anything. The first one was so fucking cool.

2. "Logan"
I fell asleep twice. I probably should give it another go, but I'm not...what the fuck is up with these setups only to drag it out. We know it's the end of Hugh Jackman, because he's too old for whatever. But they're going to re-boot this fucking thing again, so who fucking cares? This movie drags on and on and on. Like it doesn't want to let the guy go.

1. "Kong: Skull Island"
It's the "Three Billboards of Ebbing, MO" of monster movies. Makes no sense, desperately clings onto camp, and is so erratic and meandering it just made me sad. Is Kong good or bad or..what the fuck is he? I'm racking my brain trying to figure out why they took it to the jungle with the least charismatic people on Earth. Even Samuel L. Jackson couldn't pull off enough "mofo" laughs to make this remotely fun. And it was such an easy movie to make fun. If you didn't follow "the legend." There's a movie with Dwayne Johnson coming out this year that replicates this new monster world building called "Rampage." Which is the adaption of that video game we love so much. Here's the surprise...they're mutated humans. I'm looking forward to when they shrink into a naked human shuffling off the 8 bit screen.