You Poor Unfortunate Souls

There’s  a woman in my neighborhood whom I’ve know as long as I’ve been living here in Van Nuys. A nice lady who lives with an ex-hippie. The old California guard. I can almost imagine them living in some commune somewhere, peace and love. Around here, they’ve entrenched themselves with a trickling water fall and a nice garden. I visited recently and found the tranquility a nice salve from the gloves-up-defense pose. A minute to relax as there is no music thumping, no eastern block language being shouted at each other. A sanctuary.

I understand now why she can be so live-and-let-live. The best position for someone who has lived a life of peace and love is to drown it out with the good vibrations of existing. To manage her anger, rage and high blood pressure, this is all that can be done. She isn’t the calm exterior she sets herself to be. Because she relates to me the devastating accidents she’s seen on her brief drive in the valley. What she does do, is elect to move on with life. Conceal with comfort.

I can’t imagine what she’s experienced in life. My guess, something much more traumatic than a stupid car being stolen. She’s told me stories of jailed drunken boyfriends who’ve abused her (to which I’ve seen first hand through my sister’s relationships, though without the physical abuse). Most don’t face reality but justify it. Which is to say, ignore it. I believe this defense mechanism to be the truest form of denial. It’s not to give me any wiggle room either. I’m mean, angry and bitter. Which I vent up front. These people vent behind close doors, or worse…eventually in something like a school shooting. I’m not saying either is better or worse, but it is how we cope with adversity. The disappointing thing is…it really doesn’t have to be this way. And maybe that is the defense. Recognizing that the world will drift you into (sometimes) unmanageable situations does have a calmness to it. The fact that energy pushes you to where you need to be. Although, it sometimes pushes you into a tent on skid row, the issue is that you will think clearer without anxiety than make rash decision through HIGH anxiety. Stress management, I suppose.

I would consider this blog somewhat of a stress management for me. My bitterness can be expressed here and left to be analyzed later. Sometimes good, mostly bad. Preferably for entertainment. If one gives up hope on humanity (as I’ve recently seen my neighbor upstairs do), then there really is no reason to continue. I hope he finds his way out of the darkness. It’s hard to determine, since he’s alone and confided in me his limited options. Desperation breeds unique options. It’s a tough way to go about life. Whether you’re rich or poor, it’s just a terrible place to realize the hopelessness he must feel.