Me...A Mentor?

A friend of my sister’s asked me if I would mentor her godsend. I was dumbfounded. Have they not shared notes as to how much crap this business is. Let’s be clear, the majority of people who enter this business thinking it’s going to be a creative free-for-all better wake the fuck up fast. It’s a job like no other. There are highs and lows, and excitement, IF AND ONLY IF, you are a driven person. If JUST by stupidity. Be the punch drunk boxer who is too stupid to go down…THIS is the business that is for you.

The rest of you who feel they have a story to tell or audiences to manipulate, can I say something?...Do it. In fact, try your hardest to tell stories that move people. Be corny or over-the-top or awful. If you elicit a reaction, you’ve done your job. I would think if I were to ask someone advice on the business as well, I would think they would also be confused as to what to say and where to begin. Because just saying “do you best” doesn’t work. People who work hard, go by the books and try really really hard actually fail. To which logic is no longer a factor here. SO…what exactly can you express to a newbie who wants to crack into show business (in any field)?

I have no fucking clue. BUT…here’s a list of shit I would hate to hear:

“Meet people at parties.” I hate hate hate hate this. First off, you won’t be invited to parties that people will be able to do anything for you. This doesn’t refer to me, since I actually did go to parties with young celebrities when I first got here. Did I feel confident enough to ask them to be in my projects? Fuck no. In fact, I didn’t have money, motivation and was too drunk to follow through anyway. Also, people you meet at parties won’t remember your asshole face. Get numbers and follow through.

“Get on as many projects as you can.” I hate to hear it. But it’s true. The more shitty projects you’re on, the more lottery tickets you bought. I refer to these as “lottery tickets” because it’s still a long shot. The best you can do is once you get on, don’t be TOO desperate. But do your best to network. People who like you want to always work with you. Idiots have gone on to bigger things because they have a great attitude. Be that idiot.

“Do your own projects.” Hate to hear it. But love the idea. Don’t wait to find someone to help you out. Don’t throw a couple of resumes out there and wait either. A lot of this business is perseverance. The other half is knowing when not to annoy people. This industry…fuck, a bunch of lame wad asshats. They forget their own projects if you didn’t remind them. Are they stressed or forgetful or just asshats? No one knows. But people don’t follow up (unless you’re the power in the relationship). There’s a mentality here where you go to them and not the other way around. The pissing contest between people who are important and those who aren’t. Two insignificant people in this industry trying to help each other could spend years volleying to see who is most important, all the while never budging from their sad lot. For the love of God, be the bigger adult.

“Write it.” Yeah, the only way you won’t hear this is if you are actually writing. Also, if you don’t have the mechanics of writing a screenplay down and you write something and are so arrogant enough to believe it’s untouchable gold…go fuck yourself with a spiked bat, because you will never make anything. That’s right. I have a friend who is too stubborn to know her mechanics suck. Unreadable, unfilm-able, unflappable. I whole heartedly understand that it is your art part. But, God…poorly designed scripts will murder you immediately before you start. Here’s a conversation with another friend who wallows in the deep trenches:

Me: I read your script. You need to put it in a script format.

Writer: I did. You read it.

Me: That thing I read was not in a script format. You wrote it long hand.

Writer: No it isn’t, I typed it out.

I’m thinking…right…they did type it out. Without proper script margins, scene headers, character dialogue format. Film-able action lines. I could go on. But why bother with people like this?

Me: Okay, fine. Sure. Whatever.

People who are starting out love to put unnecessary obstacles in their way. Words  are cheap, but people refuse to spend time to put them in proper fucking format.

“Get into a film festival.” Oh Christ on a cracker. This advice is horrid. Money goes out, no money comes in. I would say OVER 90% of film festivals are scams. Not scams as in they don’t put on the festival. More “scams” as they won’t give you the exposure you’re imagining. Even the most notable ones are run by people who want their celeb friends to have opportunities to direct. Not that I’m cynical about them, but people are really dumb when it comes to this. Back in the early millennium, MAYBE a festival got you eyeballs. Today…I’d save my money and rent a theater for a screening. Then invite important people. OR better yet, have a bunch of your friends with their short films show them too. This use to be called a “showcase.” While a little corny, I think it’s far more effective than giving someone the right to judge you, when in reality a lot of these things are already decided by their peers.

“Watch a LOT of movies and t.v.” This isn’t something terrible to say per se. You do need to know what is selling or what is being made. But it really makes for lazy writing. Most stuff that is broadcasted or produced for screen has gone through a massive filtering process. While a small fraction of projects end up being completely garbage, for the most part they are well produced. YOU don’t have their budget or infrastructure. So what do you end up making? A really cheap version of something you saw. Going to movies is great, IF you can extract the importance of story structure. And a catch-22 because good story is hidden well and engaging. To study it would be distracting to the enjoyment of the movies. If you plan on studying movies or t.v., I suggest replaying things you’ve seen over and over again. In fact, read the script they were based on and re-type the script over 10 times. Seriously. Transcribe the script that you just read again and again. If you’re serious about wanting to make movies. STOP distracting yourself with distractions. A conversation I actually had today (I’m using a real name, because he’s such a fuck-o).

Art: you have Netflix?

Me: Nope.

Art: The fuck? You just look at wall or something.

Me: Nah. Don’t waste time watching things I should be making.

Art rolls his eyes. Art doesn’t do shit with his life. He is proud of that fact.

I would say to this mentor-ee “Look, to get to do anything in this town is just to do it. You can live anywhere and do these things now. What I would suggest is make very small things to see what works. Study filmmakers you like. Don’t just watch movies for entertainment, but really know WHY you respond to them. Real life is far more interesting, so a first foray into making stuff would be just to film someone in your family doing something. Then edit it into a story. Use narration of whatever. This is a slow process but an effective one. All life is a story. Storytelling is craft..” Though I doubt a young guy wants to hear that.