What does a remake southern gothic thriller look like in the hands of Sofia Coppola? Achingly beautiful exercise in who gives a flying fuck?
This movie, so says Sofia, is an adaption of Thomas Cullian's novel which is based on a screenplay. Sofia has admitted that they needed to get permission from Universal in order to make this flick.
The story is simple, an injured Union soldier is discovered by a young girl who then brings him to an all-girls boarding school in the south. The 1971 version was directed by Don Siegel and starred Clint Eastwood. And...man what a difference decades makes. This is a completely castrated garbage of a flick. And I would put my money on the fact that after Sofia saw the first one, she was so enraged by the misogyny, she had to correct what she thought was wrong. What she ended up making was a boring slog through her own bullshit.
First, Nicole Kidman is casted as Miss Martha. Sorry, not enough old age makeup could make her less appealing than Kirsten Dunst, who plays Edwina, the in-house long suffering and depressed teacher of these school girls.
Colin Ferrell plays Corporal McBurney, the injured soldier who charms them...without an ounce of charm. Not sure what women pass as charm other than being attractive...so he could read the Gettysburg address and they'd already be wet. Now who's misogynistic.
Their urges are supposedly re-ignited when man meets women. But there is not an ounce of primal lust in this movie. The balls Don Siegel had to add a lesbian dream sequence still sears in my mind. The lack of trust Sofia has to make it a catfight made this a ho-hum snore.
As McBurney, Colin Ferrell was useless. I mean...non-plusse. They could've put a dildo with eyes on a sweatsock and it would've had as much charisma as he was trying to push. Conversely, Clint Eastwood was wicked. You could tell he would fuck that 12 year old. His sexuality snaked through the women like electricity. Sofia assumed you'd already feel the urge because...well, because...it's Colin Ferrell, right ladies?
The single most offensive part of this movie...leaving out the raw nudity. Elle Fanning plays the same sex starved character as Jo Ann Harris in the '71 version. Elle is named Alicia in this one whilst Harris is named Carol. They are the sex kitten with insatiable lust. You know what this idiot Sofia Coppola did? She made this sex-kitten into a gold digger. Yes, in this characterization of this character...Carol/Alicia is viewed as a girl whose mother most likely told her that she needed to land herself a man at any cost. Rich if necessary (backstory told by Sofia in podcast). In the original, Carol could not ooze more sex through a bag of burlap. Jo Ann Harris made you pop a massive boner. She is suppose to be a fucking porn actress. Sofia casts Elle Fanning.
But she won the director's award at Cannes. Fucking dumb frogs. This movie was a terrible feminist mess of a movie, cloaked as art. I am interested in hearing a woman's perspective on it. I LOVED the cinematography. Lush and hauting. It looked and smelled like the woods I use to hang out in when I was a child.
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