Space And

Some people think that being ignored means...anger. Resentment. Yes, all of that.
I call it giving space where it's needed. Manipulation of people is some people's sport. The anxiety and pain that people inflict on one another...it is damaging. For a very long time.
For me, my core is soft. Broken as one therapist would put it. The people-pleasing side is phony. The reality, I wanna scream. Because we do a lot of this shit for recognition from a mother that doesn't exist.

I am a co-dependent. So desperately sick and achy that someone doesn't approve of what I do. The social media has created more of this. Or created a platform to air all of it out. If I can't entertain or soothe, I'm no one. How sad is that? I spent a spell of time filling empty feelings. Wondering how I wasn't enough. And it all comes to a head when people either a) appreciates me for what I do, or b) has disrespected me.

This is awful. Awful when you run into people who will steam roll you. That sinking awful feeling that you weren't enough. From people you are desperate for approval from. A Mom who may worship you. Think about you. Consider you before others.

Most strong independent women in this world...will hurt you deeply. That's because if you are a weak male, there's nothing else that can fix that. I have to find a place to be fixed.