Admitting Your Addiction

I'm sure there are people out there that believe that even your most stoic folk are to be respected for your stoicism. If you think about people who come back from a horrific war, they don't say much about their experiences. They quietly try to numb all the noise.

I was asked recently whether or not I could ever see my parents as flawed people. In my Mom, yes. She has a lot of unresolved issues, as we all have. For my Dad, I've never seen it. He's flawed in the sense, maybe that he was never around, or was really that present in life as most Dads were in Ohio. He had a business to run. But he was never angry. He kept quiet if things bothered him. I think a residual effect of my stern grandfather.

I contend that parents have given up their right to appear...shaky. I think the whole idea of hearing about an addiction from someone you care about or respect tends to have that effect. When I listened to Adam Carolla's podcast, he frequently talks about his welfare hippie Mother who would constantly "freak out." This shakes the child to the core of whom to trust. In another sense, admitting your addiction, if you are a functioning person of society, seems to shake the core of people who do rely on you. Think about it, the person whom you think has their shit together...doesn't. Yes, a LOT of us...if any has any of our shit together. But the perception and the reality are REALLY different. It's how the person feels as well.

In today's world, coming out and telling people you have an addiction is met with...quiet. I've recently told a friend about my drinking. And she was surprised. Like...really surprised. To which a lot of things can be made of it. On one hand, I can take offense to the idea that everyone can have a weakness. On the other, maybe there was a sense of closeness now that someone has this information on you. To admit to weakness is tough. MANY people will never do this. There is no way they could ever have others see them as they cannot bear to see themselves. These people lash out in other ways.

The idea is that a person of moral structure can fail and fail bad. For others to know this, seems to bite at society's need to forgive. It doesn't happen easy. Being judged on something you thought was reaching out for help sometimes cuts hard.

I say, still reach out though. Or admit clearly that you have these problems. NOT to your kids. But...to people who care about you. It's a pretty good step and people do try to be helpful.