Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Legend Of BigDicTom


When I was on a dating site, I’d call myself BigDicTom. I thought it was funny. And girls like funny, right? Anyway, got some really interesting dates out of them. One was this Australian girl, She was Asian Australian. We went to this sushi/ramen place in Panorama City, CA.
“BigDicTom…huh?”
“I thought it was funny”
“I had to meet the guy who would call himself that. You know it was in a movie?”
“BigDicTom was in a movie?”
“No, in ‘Magic Mike’”
“Aw, bummer, really? I never saw it.”
“Well, his name wasn’t BigDicTom, but that guy was named Big Dick. Joe-something”
“Damn. So it’s not really original. I probably should see that movie.”
“It’s okay. You probably wouldn’t like it.”
(yeah, now that you think I ripped off a movie).
“I think you see a lot of that more in gay sites than straight.”
“What? Guys who name themselves ‘Big Dick?’
“yeah, girls don’t care. They probably think you’re being funny.”
“Well, I was trying.”
“I think if you call yourself that, you have to back it up. It’s not to your advantage, because it can only be a let down.”
“Not if it’s true” I said it a little too smarmy-ish. There was a long silence.
“It’s also that you’re Asian.”
“Yeah, I know the stereotype. That’s the funny part.”
“I dunno. It’d be disappointing.“
Bitch, you’re sitting across from me. And second, you’re probably wondering if my dick is as big as my name indicates.
I finally piped back in “it’s perfect. I call myself BigDicTom there is a certain level of humor in it, so they naturally think I got a small one. That’s when I surprise them with a hog.”
We ate in silence from there.
I never heard from her again.

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