When I was on a dating site, I’d call myself BigDicTom. I
thought it was funny. And girls like funny, right? Anyway, got some really
interesting dates out of them. One was this Australian girl, She was Asian
Australian. We went to this sushi/ramen place in Panorama City, CA.
“BigDicTom…huh?”
“I thought it was funny”
“I had to meet the guy who would call himself that. You know
it was in a movie?”
“BigDicTom was in a movie?”
“No, in ‘Magic Mike’”
“Aw, bummer, really? I never saw it.”
“Well, his name wasn’t BigDicTom, but that guy was named Big
Dick. Joe-something”
“Damn. So it’s not really original. I probably should see
that movie.”
“It’s okay. You probably wouldn’t like it.”
(yeah, now that you think I ripped off a movie).
“I think you see a lot of that more in gay sites than
straight.”
“What? Guys who name themselves ‘Big Dick?’
“yeah, girls don’t care. They probably think you’re being
funny.”
“Well, I was trying.”
“I think if you call yourself that, you have to back it up.
It’s not to your advantage, because it can only be a let down.”
“Not if it’s true” I said it a little too smarmy-ish. There
was a long silence.
“It’s also that you’re Asian.”
“Yeah, I know the stereotype. That’s the funny part.”
“I dunno. It’d be disappointing.“
Bitch, you’re sitting across from me. And second, you’re
probably wondering if my dick is as big as my name indicates.
I finally piped back in “it’s perfect. I call myself
BigDicTom there is a certain level of humor in it, so they naturally think I
got a small one. That’s when I surprise them with a hog.”
We ate in silence from there.
I never heard from her again.
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