Alcohol Withdrawals - A Year Later

It seems this effects a lot of people more than I realize, so it'd probably be a good idea to let people have some peace of mind.

The number one question I draw from what I've read is "How long will alcohol withdrawal take?"

There is no satisfactory answer because we handle this stuff so differently. Depending on how long you abuse and your body type, it could range from a few days to a few years. So let me start off by telling you if you were anything like me what you could be expecting:
I drank hard. Practically everyday since college, which was about 20 years ago. I drank till I fell asleep, or passed out is more accurate. I would say about a few shots of vodka or a half bottle of scotch. I didn't drink well either, I drank shit. I'm sure the wine I usually tossed back had been laced with total garbage. Which we're discovering now, wineries put awful things in to preserve and to deaden the harsh taste of alcohol. More booze, means more drinking.

This went on for a while. I'd go to the market to booze so much, they knew who I was. I'd get that awful nod of judgment knowing they knew my awful secret. To me, it seemed like they meant to tell me "slow it down, man." Wrinkly Filipino faces work late at night at the place I was getting booze. Worst since they are Asian.

Anyway, so I'd mix my shit with soda, so I didn't even have any idea how much booze was in it. Only that I was drinking to get drunk. Somehow, I could actually feel the feelings from being drunk. Reliving, really, a better time in my life, like the smell of fresh cut grass or burning leaves in autumn. I won't lie, drinking usually brought out the nostalgia in me. This while also doing my art projects. I could drink in the darkroom as I printed out photos. It was nice and quiet.

So this went on for years. I felt a lot of emotional pain. Mostly because I'd ruined a lot of good relationships and unable to find another one. Being poor as fuck in Los Angeles is as attractive as leprosy. So, booze help me cope in the dark corners of my room.

Now back to the time it's going to take to clear up. I don't know. I can tell you this much, it's been over a year, and I'm still foggy. 20 years=1 year fogginess. Sleepless nights. A lot of stomach pains. Nightmares. I feel a lot of anger for not stopping earlier. Because I can't feel much emotion anymore. Last night, I fell asleep around 4PM and woke around 7PM in a nightmare. The shades of my windows were open, and I didn't know what day it was. Ordinarily, waking up would signify that I was still alive. In that instance, I honestly thought I'd died. You would think taking a nap would be refreshing. Not for me. I got a nasty tension headache since when you have nightmares, you clench your jaw so tight you put pressure on your temples. And I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. So much so, I'm waiting around for my body soreness to subside so I can get back to sleep. Im mostly immobile, which is the worst part, because I spent a great deal of my time always moving. Doing things. Excited to do things. That part kills me. Being excited to do things. It sucks, because that motivation died somewhere. Frustrating. This is after a year. I think in some weird sense, booze may've also been concealing some other health issues. It numbed a lot of pain, both physically and emotionally. But now, it's come up to the forefront to hit me all at once.

I genuinely feel remorse that I've missed out on some great moments in life. My biggest is not being able to travel, since I nausea really quickly now, so airplane flights are very uncomfortable. And I pretty much feel like a 70 year old living in a 40 year old body. That sucks the most, because it only goes down never up. That's age for ya'.

Anyway, if you're past a year of sobriety and you still feel like shit, don't stress too much. Eat well, take your vitamins and do research on yourself. It sounds really cliche, but it's okay to enjoy life as it is, not booze it up and pretend it's something else.