The People Pleaser

It may seem odd to my readers that I am actually a people pleaser. In relationships, I find broken women and attempt to fix. Broken women hate us, but love us at the same time. You can't fix broken women. I have to learn that.

The other thing about people pleasers or in this case..."nice guys" is that we constantly put others before ourselves. Horribly castrating, I know. There are so many guys like this...and guess what? They aren't nice people. We're fucking liars. To ourselves. And filled with low esteem that our accomplishments for others are what builds up our confidence. Guess who takes advantage of that? Broken women.

I wouldn't say my mother was a borderline personality person. But she did have emotional miscues. I joked a few times at her laughing at my grandmother's funeral. Or shrugging when I asked why she didn't tell me about her parents dying. Didn't seem like a detail she wanted to share. She couldn't wait to tell me about a flood in her old home and climbing to her claypot roof to wait it out. Like a child. Most people with borderline tendencies act like children. Enticing to men since they like to rescue. Had my Mom not been dragged to the United States by my Dad, I get the feeling she would've fucked around in Taiwan. Fear has a way of bonding people for life.

I didn't realize the push and pull insanity of my last long term girlfriend DECADES later that she must have suffered a little from a personality disorder. Picking fights when things were calm. Black and white thinking (everyone is good or bad) and self-loathing. These women are REALLY attractive to broken people pleasers. Or fixers, such as myself. We think we're Prince Charming climbing some tower, they are uh...whatever princess fits and wants to rescue. They're not helpless by the way. They're just as mean as their witchy step-mother. Just prettier. And pretty girls get a pass. Especially if she thinks she's better than you.

The obvious difference is...you have to command respect from ones that aren't fucked up. The ones that you force to crawl over to you. Push and pull relationships are...I hate your guts go away to why are you leaving me? In 30 seconds. This happened throughout college. Because women are hormonal and fertile or something.

I'm slowly climbing out of nice guy hood. Finding that the less I want pussy or crazy pussy, the less I tolerate. And nothing makes insane women more insane than not getting attention. What buys back your self-respect is not giving it to them.