It's hard to expressed into words...everything that you are feeling. I happen to still like writing handwritten letters, on paper.
It was rough putting one together this morning that essentially ends a working relationship. Mostly because I did come to the conclusion that whatever we may have done in the past, wasn't enough. And it was implied that more minds had to come up creative. Or it was a personal issue. Or whatever the case. I don't need to be around this aggravation, as my good friend from art school use to tell me.
I also just realized what bugged me so much about it. Here we were two people who bounced ideas around with each other. Like...really loved the creative comraderie. We'd randomly communicate with each other a story idea. Or an idea for a short film...those days are long over when someone else is let into the clubhouse. See, there is a jealousy that gets into your stomach. That some people may not understand. To include others into your plans means you risk making others feel marginalized. When you get to the point where you have to draw attention to the lack of appreciation, then you are put into that box. My reaction is to allow that other person to feel what is lost. It's not a grudge, only that...the realization that people do more for you than people realize. I have to allow people to fail on their own.
I often wonder about this updated edit that I did at my own time. How much time and energy was wasted when it could've been focused on my own projects. Or interests. I did it on my own, so I have no one to blame but myself. But being undermined, underappreciated and all around abused...It was time to move forward. Simply put, if a person can't value you, you have to value yourself and cut ties.
And that's where I'm at. Not necessarily a fun thing to do on a Friday when I hand write a letter, but necessary. Being an adult sucks.
Good for you, Tom!
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