Alison

I have to admit, I'm an injured person. I think we all are. Especially in our formative years. Especially in high school.

Alison was a redhead. Freckled redhead. The one that Charlie Brown most likely spoke about. Peppy and cute, she was a sexier version of Wendy from Wendy's. She had a smile. Big and broad. She was also queen bitch. Not a bitch to me, but a bitch...in what I observed as a brown kid in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Alison also came from an upper middle class family. Not sure what her pop did, but all my White friends seemed to have gotten rich off alimony. Or a lot of bitterness due to divorce. I know it sounds silly now, but because all the kids of divorce had so much nicer shit, I almost wished my folks weren't together. To get nice shit.

Alison had a group of girls she hung out with. Each prettier than the next. There she was, red hair bouncing around during lunch. The infectious laughter. To me, it was watching everything in slow motion. I still think about this girl every time I feel that feeling again of rejection. Not sure why, since I never did ask Alison out. NOR did I ever want to. She was...I would assume she's someone's trophy wife today. But I recall her and her friend Shelby would harass me in middle school. I think a girl named Shelby thought I was cute or felt sorry for me. And as with all girls, once a popular girl tags you as acceptable, the rest wanna find out why. It's like that even today. No matter how old we are. Katie was so kind to me. Showed up to my birthday party and, well...I think she just had a crush on me because she has a good heart. I think it would be disingenuous of me to say that I didn't like the attention of pretty girls in school. Though it is also where I learned how cruel girls can be. Not only to me, but to each other.

We've grown up now and, some keep in touch with me...I dunno, curiosity?
I know it's tough to pinpoint, but the bruising is pretty deep. Being left out of activities when I think I'm part of the crowd, is injuring. But I'm pretty sure I've done the same to others due to it being done to me. I can be pretty mopey when things don't go my way. Or when I get rejected by women. It's just the way I'm now wired, which I hope to change.

So thanks Alison!