What's Bugging Me

I think I figured out why I've been so bummed out about making movies lately. Especially this one project. It's a jealousy alright, but not what you think.

So I've been making short films with a friend I've known for years. It's been a great time up until recently when I'd invited a mutual friend to help out as crew. Eventually, and for some unknown reason, she latched on to him and started leaning on him for support both in advice for filmmaking and I assume just plain attraction.

It didn't dawn on me until recently, the main reason I was so irrate is that I had sacrificed so much time energy and sometimes money to drag her project to where she wanted it to be, she was willing to use this opportunity to be closer to someone she likes. This is not unheard of in his business. It's stupid as fuck, but actually very common. It causes fist fights on set. So, the jealousy on my part wasn't that she was attracted to the guy, the problem was...she was putting a lot of stock in someone...who has never made anything. Yep. Without a single project made or written in the "real world" he was able to swoop down and bend his ear. For what reason? Crushes are funny that way. You tend to extend as much opportunity to include someone into the mix. To me, it was crushing, having spent over a decade putting in enough goodwill into this industry to be sidestepped by this. Especially as we don't share the same philosophy about making movies. Whatever the attraction may be, that's fine. But fuck lady...I've worked in some real productions, if there were any questions, I could be leaned on for answers. But mostly, my answers had been for her to follow her instincts. Assuming her instincts weren't to keep including a guy she's keen on opinion of what she should do. I'm not sure how to describe both the insulting nature of this situation.

My disgust for this situation has been validated somewhat. But to be honest...I don't ever consider myself the third wheel nor want to be involved with being a third wheel and am more excited to make my own projects without having to rely on this type of drama.
Am I jealous? Yeah, I will admit I am. Simply because I put a lot of time into something I felt was more important than to be usurped by an hormonal imbalance.

In other words, I'm better than this shit.