My College Friend Chris

Last week I got a text from a college friend. My undergraduate friend that he was on a conference to San Diego and that if need be he would come up to Los Angeles to hang with me. I didn't want to trouble him to have to come all the way up so I agreed to meet him halfway.

I hadn't seem him in 18 years.

I was a little hesitant to meet, not because I didn't want to hang with him, but because of my health and also...I don't remember much since my heavy boozing days. I felt like I would be a massive disappointment. Weird thing to think. Chris was one of those dudes who is just...he molds to who you are. Not for any reason than to make you comfortable in your own skin. He was also the floor residen advisor at our dorm when I was a freshman. He was also a freshman. Boy was I a shit. Chris recalled the days of me sitting alone playing Hendrix and mulling over girls who didn't like me. I haf horrific skin back then. Zits everywhere. He reached out and forced me to be...a human. I was so angry.

It doesn't surprise me that Chris was a CEO of a bank and now a CEO of an insurance company. He's not the stuff shirt you think...he works for them, and has a plan to...gradually mold it more to a people's bank. In other words change how you consider them for a safe client base to invest in. The world doesn't run completely on your goods...it runs on people who like you.

Chris is a natural leader. He is a such an impressive calm person. Much like my friend Jennifer. Both have that thing...I can't explain...they get people. And they like people. And they like the world. And they have such a great perspective of it.

Me? I wish and pray I had their patience and tact. Diplomacy thrives on it. They are so genuinely pure in nature you have no problems handing over all your money to them. They have zero duplicity. For me, my beady eyes and shifty nature instantly makes people nervous. Truth? I have to learn more from them to get past this hump. The hump is a chip on my shoulder. One of anger and resentment. To which...let's be honest...no one cares about. It only hurts me. I am instantly grounded by people who have this as I sorely lack it. The ability to...just let people be people.

This is not to say they are perfect, but they're close. The problem with most of my hair trigger anger comes from a background bully system. A person needs to be on my side, or they are against me. Nope!! No one cares what side you are on. They care to be content. Happy and fed isn't a bad thing. I recently reared my ugly nature when told about a short film was great. This guy couldn't stop gushing over it. I finally saw it and it was terrible. I was champing at the bit to lay into how much I hated it. And of course I shared it. Blew it up. Here's a guy who has said nothing of my short films, most likely thinks they're poorly directed (by me) and won't draw that link, since we are friends. To be fair, I don't see him anywhere near the barometer for what is good or not. So, yeah, blasted the movie.

It turned ugly. So...that said...how would my two friends handle it? The would nod quietly, watch the short and pick what they liked about it. Then placated him with the safe "hey, cool movie, I can see why you like it" That is diplomacy. That is what keeps hurt feelings at bay. And, unfortunately, me from succeeding into a greater way of life.

Perhaps internalizing before realizing is damaging. I have so much to learn. And so glad these people are in my life ( as much as they can be). They are my gurus.