Being Married

I was asked recently if I'd ever get married. Truth is, I was at one brief moment. Not legally, but I lived with someone for a long time. I think that's as married as I can imagine.

The issue is whether or not you have the capacity to live in someone else's space whilst being on someone else's schedule. I don't think I have that in me. And I guess you could say that's from a selfish point of view.

I've done things on a whim. As a married person, you'd like to think your spouse would be cool enough for that, but generally speaking...they'd rather you be on their time. I suppose at a certain point, we people do get use to it. Shit, I could get use to a 3AM morning schedule (which I'm on). But also, you do these things because you have the capacity to sacrifice. I have very little to put into the pot, at this point, so it's better not to drag others into it. It may seem cynical, but it is very practical. And all the romantic notions are that you grow together and thrive and so forth. Or you don't. But no one ever sees that point. So saddled with...love. But the central existence of life...at its core, is that you can sustain life. Too many people argue over money. It's counter intuitive to what we think we want and need. But...then you ask yourself...when is the right time. Most would answer, there is never the right time. You just do it or you don't. And I didn't. The brief taste of living with someone told me my space seems more...sacred. I wish I had that ability to broaden it. And maybe with age I will.

The same person who asked me about marriage is about to be married. The short time I spent, I listened to bickering. The kind my mother and father do. It's aggravating because it's not romantic, in the least. It puts sand in the vagina, and makes your dick go limp. And you still have a lifetime to go. Is that being a grown-up? I guess. But, I'm in a town of un-grown ups. So sifting through this mess is going to take some time.

I wish everyone who gets married long happiness. I admire these people deeply. Forgive me for sounding corny, but you really cracked a code. Where someone is willing to put up with your garbage and them yours. Laughter does a lot, I guess. So try to laugh as you bicker.