Nutty As Fuck

One of the things I’ve got to learn is to relax a little when I film a scene.

I had it in my head about a specific scene where things moved more fluid. During the actual shoot, nervous energy built up and I ended up shooting “safely.” Basically for coverage rather than cinematically. I know when I look at that scene it will grate on me. Because I didn’t exactly have it in my head that way.

A co-worker had told me an interesting thing. He is a 60 year old dude who’s seen a lot. This is his mental check list he does when he makes movies which I think is great. A) does the main character change in any way B) are they active in what they do.

I was watching a documentary on “Star Wars” and it seemed Lucas also faced that issue. Having been behind by two weeks of shooting, it was now three separate production units rushing to get back on schedule. And keep producers at bay who were champing to shut down this over bloated production. I’m not sure if that was indecision or focusing on “the vision” he had, but it seemed this was gnawing at him. The idea that his pre-visualization didn’t match what was in front of the camera. That is heart breaking when this happens. Because you waste a lot of time and energy wondering why, instead of pressing forward. A good producer (in this case Gary Kurtz) pushes forward. Calming the director into the realities of all shoots. Experience would dictate that we don’t always get everything we want on a shoot. I maybe imagine this like a quarterback. If he throws an interception, he can’t dwell on it, or he’s dead in the water. He has to press forward and shake off the disappointment. One possession later, the ball is coming back to him, and he has to decide whether to keep making the same mistake or shrug it off. For the time being anyway. True leaders win the war, maybe lose a few battles. But decisions are made within seconds if not minutes of the actual issue. One false move, and it can be a disaster.

It gets to me. I’ll be honest. It has nothing to do with actor performance. For me, I’m looking at a lot of things. Boom shots and so forth. In fact, one take the lavalier (remote microphone) taped to the actress was in the shot. This burned film and a possible good take. I lost it…internally. I know some have lost their shit openly. There’s a behind the scenes of Ridley Scott flipping off his headphones and cursing when a camera had jammed during a take. I have no luxury. And who would I vent to anyway? It’s humbling.

I actually forgot how panicked it gets. Waiting for light to change in an exterior. Repositioning light, actor’s eyelines, the 180 rule, park rangers shutting us down. It’s all run and gun. Which is running through my head constantly, all the while deciding if a take is useful or not. This is your support group that needs to monitor you and the work. Again, I would not recommend my work flow to everyone. I do wonder the times I did have when all I had to worry about is actor performance. Especially when dialogue is involved. Shooting movies are disjointed process. In a bigger movie, they don’t care much about running through footage. In mine, I have to decide sometimes where to pick up a line on camera or where to end a scene. This juggling isn’t the most optimal in getting it right, it’s getting it down on film. I piece what I have in my head, run through it again before wrap and still have to figure out if my crew doesn’t want to lynch me. I mean the ones I have.

I think it’s the same on whatever budget, time and temperaments you have. On “Saw” I saw director and producer hovered over a script wondering what can be cut and still maintain the core of the story. This is painful for all, since it means less screen time for talent, and retooling your brain to see your movie in a different way.

On “Fast 7” (for which I only scanned the negative) director James Wan (who also directed “Saw”) had to deal with the tragic loss of Paul Walker. Actually he dealt with two issues. One, how to finish his installment in the series with what footage they had with Paul, the second preserving the franchise to move forward without hate from the public. That is a ton of responsibility.

When I was shooting “Afro Ninja” the director took on a lot. I’m still unsure how he got through it. There was even a specific time where he had to leave (with his producer hat on) and get money to pay for a location. He literally went to a bank and returned with a briefcase while the crew waited, and complained. I didn’t know it at the time, but I sensed the pressure. And he never cracked. He plodded forward like the captain of a ship. I have a great amount of respect for him, considering he also spent $1 million of his own money to have his movie realized.

I know in the grand scheme “Nick’s Van” isn’t on that scale. Nor even on a moderate scale. This was no budget moxie on everyone’s part. True grit, I suppose. I also contend that none of this gets easier. That’s cool. I don’t expect it to. The simple fact that something was made, and I can hold it says a lot already. My co-worker/friend Kai simplified it…”man, you have something.” It wasn’t “something” like lighting in a bottle, it was…anything. A thing. I love the concept that people still appreciate “can-do.” Matter of fact, I support this type of insanity. As with my friend Bennie. The guy is gung-ho and respect the hell out of him. He shot a full feature with a 16mm crank camera. To which I HAD to be a part of it. I constantly remind him what steel nuts it takes to do what he did. Good or bad. And I always check in with him when I can.

There’s a documentarian now who is attempting to make a film preservation interview movie that he intends to shoot with film. That guy is nutty as fuck. He wants to interview ME. Because of what I do. How can I say no?

To be perfectly clear, I want everyone involved to be proud of what we did for absolutely no money. It’s near impossible to do so without sacrificing so much. And the public can get cruel. No one cares about your obstacles, only that you didn’t waste their time. I do often get cerebral about it, ‘cause mostly, I’d just like to improve. I suspect this is very much like golf. You play the game, but you never master it.