I Can Eat Solids Again

I can eat solids again. When you’re in production mode, you don’t eat much. I drink a lot of coffee. I try my hardest to put down food, but I get in a panic mode that makes my stomach both hungry and nauseous. So what happens is that I really let eating be lowest priority. I still have issues running through my head. I’m not sure if its stubborn of stupid, but when I wait on film being processed…it’s a bit nerve wracking. I don’t spend as much money as other productions. In fact, I am certain I spend a lot less. But it still is my issues. I recall during the shoot, the 60 pound camera falling on top of me. To which, something was knocked loose in the camera that caused it to shut down. I’m not sure what. But the camera has somewhat in a failsafe where it would have an annoying beep if say…we fell out of sync. The thing with film cameras versus digital is that sound has to run separate from picture. If voltage drops or, a fuse burns out, it will indicate an error. My camera would auto shut down. So we’re out in the country shooting this movie, when this error occurred. I did my best not to panic. In fact, it freaked me out I wasn’t more panicked. This shuts us down for the day. I understand in a big movie, we’re talking about hundreds of thousands if not millions. Here…it’s people’s time. And we still had another scene to shoot. Blargh!

This occurred at the start of the movie. Which we had to roll the rest using the camera we had. I eventually got it to work again, but we still suffered another time this occurred. Again, it’s a mystery as to what may be effected by it. Only that I am at the mercy of the gear. This is not delicate equipment. I far more trust a film camera in hostile weather over digital. And they all have issues. But it still doesn’t make me sleep any better. I am playing in the Big Dog’s world, with little dog money.

Speaking of sleeping. That’s another thing that falls through the cracks. I have slept very little. My mind and body runs to exhaustion, and rather than sleep, I shut down. Little naps here and there, trying not to feel the day’s pressure. All self-inflicted. The best I can do is just to say “what’s done is done” and that the rest will take care of itself. I don’t consider myself a worrier to the extent of being neurotic. Maybe others may judge me as such. I do, however, talk myself off the ledge whenever necessary. Maybe my brain is too melted to be truly panicked. Or too dumb. Only time will tell.