Dyin' 'Aint Much Of A Livin'

--so said the outlaw Josey Wales

“Do you have family nearby?” the doctor asked.

“No”

“Friends?”

“Well, when I gave up drinking, I sorta’ distance myself from people in general.”

“I see”

Then it occurred to me…if I die in L.A. I will die alone. That is a sad thought, considering it will most likely be in my apartment. But worst, that my rotting corpse won’t be found until my rent is due. So hopefully it’s going to be close to the end of the month. THEN, what with litigation happy tenants these days, most likely I won’t be found until they rent is overdue by half a year. God forbid they knock on my door.

Dying alone is what we all have to go through. Alone-alone is different than alone-around-family. There is something a noble about dying alone. Atop a snow covered mountain. Accepting the fate that is on us. The Japanese do this. Go up to the mountains, no more of a burden to their family. My Grandfather did it. He was trained around Japanese.

You do have to wonder sometimes…when you die, and if you die alone, what would people piece together in what you’ve died around. Not like you would care. But it makes me look around and judge what type of person the investigators would think. Sometimes…you wonder if being murdered would be so much better. Especially by a loved one. If they truly loved you, hopefully they’d hide your amassed shame (“Garbage Pail Kids” collection, high school love letters).