More Football Talk...-ish.

Football is the worst time to be sober. Mostly since drunken fun reminds me of college. I had such a great time in college. I somewhat recall the many times I’d stumble around campus exploring. I think I was just very lonely. Middle Ohio is extremely limited for an Asian guy. I went to bars. And I hung out eating at local diners. Mostly, I hung out with a LOT of art school people who thought they were cooler than the world. Man, looking back at those fuckers, I’d want to smack those dudes. I wonder…if looking back now, it wasn’t me what was being exclusive.

There’s a “30 Rock” episode where Liz Lemon thinks she was ostracized by her peers. It was actually her who was too snobby to them. I think I was like that. I think I sorta’ tore people down before they could tear me down.

What’s weird about Bowling Green State University, I was a gruesome looking dude. And to boot, I was also an Asian face. I couldn’t get a date to save my life. HOWEVER, it was weird that I showed up at so many parties. Most of the time, people didn’t give me any shit. I was SHOCKED. But then it occurred to me…in college, this is normal. I think black folk got more shit than I did. I always expected it though. I made friends quick. Some pretty popular kids in high school. Dunno why they sorta’ adopted me. I recall being connected with sorority girls. Just hung with them. There was one girl…man was she hot. I think she ended up dating another friend of mine. I just remember spending time with her. She seemed amused that I didn’t give a shit about people. More that I had plans with my life that went beyond Ohio. Most guys didn’t know what the fuck they wanted to do. They knew…maybe their lives were gonna end up local. I knew I had to get the fuck out. Until, my senior year. Where I met my first love. She was the girl I was going to marry. Sort of. I didn’t think that far ahead Nor did I consider her a lifetime thing. I was this stupid, immature or just full of myself.

It’s so weird now what I think was important. I think when I was drunk, most of this didn’t matter. If I look at old videos with me and my college girlfriend, you can see how fucked up I was. Young, but fucked up. I think a lot of us looking from the inside out, we think a lot of us can’t stand seeing who we were. Looking back, you wish you were back there. I think the fog of inebriation sorta’ kept me hovering in limbo. Since I could drown myself into this drunkenness. I think college football reminds me of the good ol’ days where things were simple. I had hope of better things in life. If I’m in my head for too long, I think it goes back to wanting those things again. This season always reminds me of my party days. And I do miss it. If I could remember them.