Leadership And Success

I'm reading a fascinating book on success and leadership.
Without going into too much detail, the idea is that it is all about self-satisfaction. You don't need a Rolls-Royce to feel accomplished or like you've beat society. What it boils down to is that you did the best you felt you could. Yes, felt...you could. I would assume many on skid row or tent city did the best they were capable of. And if living day to day in an existence that requires very little frees you from the constraints of...expectations from others...you have found your own success.
Though, the thing is...there is also purpose. That is what homeless will lack when searching. Purpose. Purpose is the ingrained feeling in practically everyone who is trying to figure out what their place in society is. Most (as I've written in the past) link them to their children. Children give purpose. It means they have to attempt to keep something living alive (I know, I'm simplifying here but bear with me).
The association here to Hollywood is...a lot have found monetary rewards and accolades without a shred of success or purpose. That is deeply profound to me, because I sincerely believe it is the root of all the assaults that are occurring in this town (since its discovery).
The lack of purpose or sense of success despite fame and fortune is an empty hole to which self-satisfaction won't exist. BUT there is a difference between self-righteous (Meryl Streep) and self-satisfaction. I doubt Meryl has dumped the demons in her psyche as much as Brett Ratner has. Or Harvey Weinstein. His perceived success is deeply rooted in what he was able to get away with for so long. His identity tied up with horrific sense of entitlement and blustery bullying. This is an empty person lacking purpose. Had his purpose been to usher undeserving actors and movies to Best Actor and Best Picture accolades, this is an emptiness that could not even be filled with the highest of honors (now since tarnished).
Kevin Spacey...most could tell was battling anger due (presumably) by his lack of freedom of being a gay man. That doesn't excuse his pedophilia, but it does explain how his behavior would exhibit less people to speak about it. In essence, his "success" didn't cover the hole that was missing in him. The self-satisfaction that he was the best person to himself and to others. In his world, success was revenge.
Which is typically what we all came to Hollywood to accomplish. A sense of revenge. Most of us who made movies, to which I joke...make movies to finally write our own history. We can bully the hot girl who wouldn't give us the time of day. Or have the jock get de-pants. Or live our space fantasy. I would bet most of us came out here to prove that we are better than our fellow man, instead of what is really important...that we were happy with ourselves.
I got to talking to a friend yesterday that we both shared our stories of women who left us. They were very very similar. In that we both stubbornly came out to Los Angeles to carve out our place. Originally, I set out to direct and write. Fame was to be the aphrodisiac that was lacking in a relationship where the women lost respect for us. What we overlooked wasn't the money or the big home or the fame or the envy. What we forgot, was that we didn't do any of it for ourselves. We did it to impress them. Then when push came to shove, we lost them because we didn't do it for ourselves. When I was first dumped, my first reaction was that she would be sorry. That I would be a success and she'd end up married and miserable to someone back east. This isn't self-satisfaction. It certainly wasn't success. It was success to spite others. And this is the emptiness that runs rampant in this town. Not saying it's not understandable, but when that occurs, you fracture yourself from the realities of yourself. In the saddest sense of irony, you could live in that mansion in Beverly Hills with ten cars and remain pining for that lost sense of youthful exuberant...purpose (watch "Citizen Kane").
Recently, I spoke with an acting class who all seemed so wide-eyed and excited about what was ahead of them. Some young. Others young-ish. The town is brutal because of people who have gone through hard rejection (confused that even pretty people will face this). To this, I told them a simple thing.."stay real to yourself." What I hope they got from that is...you are a unique type that someone will want. Don't adjust for them. Afterwards, I spoke to the teacher who had invited me to his theater and we talked a little.
I told him I was working on these little micro-episodic shorts that have...no reasoning behind them. He was perplexed "so let me get this straight, you are making these short films, shot ON film and you are funding them yourself with no real goal to want to direct."
Yep.
I walked away from his place with his face still skewed in confusion. I've finally gotten to a point in my life where the simple act of doing for my own benefit and hopefully to the ones involved was the joy in itself and serves no other purpose than we are making and creating and enjoying the process on my own terms (which is typically neurotic). Answering to others means we're on their schedule for success. Fine. No big deal. The best I can do for myself is that I continue to enjoy what I do and what I can do for others. Which is why I think my final goal is to guide other filmmakers to make films. On film, of course.