"The Davinci Code" (2006)

I get it, they were smarter back in the day.

They made cryptic message in art. That can't be cracked by today's society. Everything means something else and so forth. If I have to listen to one more "expert" tell me I don't get it, or reveal a massive secret which falls dead with a thud like a dead canary in a mine, I'm going to pummel the movie. "You've heard of it, in fact the whole world has heard of it, you only know it as the Holy Grail" Really? That's presumptuous.

This movie stars Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon, a cryptologist who, on the night of his (convenient) book signing is implicated in a murder of an old dude. The old dude happens to have a granddaughter who locates him to warn him of the danger he is in. For what reason? Because he's a cryptologist. Incidentally, he's never met and had a dinner meeting that night. Conveniently, the daughter knows more than we realize, or she even wants to remember...UNTIL...it suits the plot.

The big to-do about this movie is most likely its retelling of Davinci's codes in his paintings. See what I did there. And a wide sweep of history (which I suck at). It boils it down to dumb historians like me, for entertainment purposes. Unfortunately, it also bores me to tears, considering there isn't a definitive truth anyone can agree on.

Also, there's this odd scene where Langdon brings the daughter to meet the master historian of the Priory (guardians of the phony truth about Christ). What makes this odd, is he brings her to see this guy to get answers ONLY to constantly question his "wives tales." This is a weak tool to get exposition out. Shame on you Ron Howard.

But for the most part...whatever, it's fascinating in the sense that people see what they want to see when it comes to the history of Jesus Christ and the people in his lives. Was he the son of God before he was labeled a deity or did they just find him as a man and decided he should be a deity. Who knows? That's why religion sucks balls. A lot of good chunks of questioning our relationship with the man. I will say, the Paul Bettany character as an Albino thug who ascends to his own label...what a waste of time, energy, Albino power. I think he's a device simply to feel some ticking time clock of finding these two on the run.