Wednesday, December 23, 2015

"The Martian" (2015)

zzzzzzz...
should've just ended my review here.
Yet
It’s so well crafted I’m certain people are mistaking it for a good movie. But it’s fucking dull. Yes, it’s smart. But it lacks…something. Perhaps because to jeopardize gazillions of dollars and other lives in order to rescue someone, it’s downright silly.
The story is of a Mars mission that goes awry. They do an emergency evacuation of the area only to have left one person behind. Apparently, this causes a shockwave of interest with…the entire world. Bullshit. That’s corny on a level of which I can’t describe. What IS interesting is how he does manage to survive and perhaps lead us to a blueprint of how to colonize a far off planet. Maybe. Unlikely in my lifetime. These movies of survival are cool, if done right. And discovery is natural. This is no “Castaway.” Logic of primitive items dictates that he uses what is at hand to continue living. In this movie, Matt Damon has no concrete reason to live, only…that he must. Dumb. And then we have to spend the rest of our time waiting for the inevitable. Which is excruciating, since the process will take a while.
Perhaps this is not my cup of tea. It’s heavy in science. The human element seems just too convenient for the story. For instance, the ones that left him behind have far greater reasons to let him perish on Mars. So they risk everything for…what amounts to a few sentences. These characters FAR outweigh Damon. His humor in this movie seems so misplaced. Not that it wasn’t appreciated, since the rest of the movie would’ve collapse under the boredom, but it’s not that much fun.
It’s gotten a ton of critical praise lately. We are starved for…maybe smartly crafted movie. Or people want to sound smart by liking this movie? In terms of…doing the homework we don’t want to do. As a movie, it bored me to tears. Having gone in and out of consciousness during this movie, I would have to say a big pass on it. I feel a lot of people who watch it after the theaters will feel bamboozled by the ones who recommended it. It will be forgotten in the canon of Ridley Scott movies.

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