"Age Of Adaline" (2015)

On paper this movie should’ve been good. And it does hold your interest, in concept only. A few things that make this laugh out loud silly.

1)   For a girl her age to suddenly stop aging, they never showed how much fun it could be. Instead, it was always at the mercy of people chasing her down. I doubt for the first 10 years it would be that difficult to really have some fun with it. Also, did her brain seems stunted too. Which would mean she’d still have the capacity of a 20-something year old. In which case, living in a library remembering the past is odd. Though, they hinted at her random adventures, it seemed she always went back to mulling around like an old lady. Presumably since she’d have to explain her condition.  ‘Aint a woman in the audience who would sympathize with her condition. Never aging? This movie really has no clue to vanity.

2)   Thank God she looked like Blake Lively and not…say, Rosie O’Donnell. Can you imagine being rejected for decades. Now THAT I could believe would lead to a very resentful life. In fact, I would’ve liked to have seen a darker moment where a guy preferred Adeline over her daughter who would look the same age and that would lead to some REAL awkwardness. As it is, there’s enough after the credits roll that will need deep therapy to clean up. It’s just too messy. A cleaner ending would’ve been a sadder one. The one they’re left with is corny and dumb.

3)   Nitrate film will burn. And the film she runs in the beginning was from the early 1900’s. I suspect they were okay with sticking it to film nerds, like myself, but there is no way those newsreels would’ve been preserved the way they did it.

4)   For someone attempting to disguise her past, the simple solution is to really disappear. It’s not that hard. There also isn’t a point to continually refresh your identity. Furthermore, I know this is a fable, but did it have to be a COMPLETELY sheer coincidence of the background of her new love.

5)   Did the boyfriend have to be secretly rich? Maybe. He could’ve easily just been an artist. Instead, he’s a tech rich bohemian that makes Adeline feel…like he made something of himself. Where the fuck do they go from here besides socialites? Boring weirdos, with stories to tell, I guess. I guess since it gains access to better locations, and that she falls for him before she knows his background. Or…fuck if I know. The guy is corny. Which really plays into more of her vanity. It couldn’t be a joke that she prefers older men?

6)   If it’s so tough being an anomaly, it’s not far fetched to jump off a bridge to your death. Golden Gate is within reach.

7)   She’s banged a ton of dudes from different eras. How the Hell did she survive the 70’s.

8)   I’m not sure this is so good for the old ladies of this time. I had a girlfriend who spoke like she spoke. Because she was trying to be classy. It bugged the fuck out of me, because I bugged the shit out of her for being so…unrefined. This dude she meets is bohemian…it’s so confusing as to what he found so much of interest in her, other than she looked like Blake Lively. Did you know Blake Lively is the niece of Robyn Lively. The pretty girl from “Not Just Another Teen”? They could be sisters.

9)   I feel bad for Harrison Ford. He’s kind of the odd man out here. For no other reason than he traveled and crossed paths with this witch.

10)                   If I’d known an ex-girlfriend came back, one I was determine to marry but then disappeared, but came back looking EXACTLY the same, I’d jam a stake into her heart. How come no one ever mentions the witchcraft aspect of this oddity? From her perspective, I would maybe want to know how being struck by lighting may have caused this phenomenon. This cheap, dumb, lazy, device to explain it. Well, I guess it worked for Frankenstein.

There are just too many questions to address. But I understand it’s suppose to be a love story. I get that it’s aimed towards women. But I suspect it’s really going to piss them off. Because she’s got everything, looks, money, dudes..but is still mopey.