It’s not that the movie is a terrible, it’s just your
ordinary bad movie. Which…in a strange sense, it is so bad, it’s good. This is
a prime example of a movie that overthinks itself. I can almost see the
original premise being really fun, and then…they overwrite it until all the
nuances and spontaneity was sucked dry. The same buddy road trip formula is
applied here, or should I say shoe-horned here to make the most of Reese
Witherspoon as a stick in the ass cop named Cooper, assigned to protect a
gangster’s wife played by Sofia Vergara.
It starts off fun enough, a montage of Little girl Cooper on
the road with her Dad during cop duties. Then flashes forward to her as a very
overbearing, straight from the books, evidence locker attendant. All the other
cops make fun of her. Especially some macho uber-testosterone’d dink and dunk
cop, who are the clichéd “other guys” type. They mock Cooper’s fastidious work,
and torment her diligence. A couple of knucklehead veterans who are bullies
with a badge.
Inexplicably Cooper is given this assignment to protect
Vegara’s character. After their initial encounter, where we learn a) she’s a
loud angry Columbia trophy wife b) she has a terrible shoe fetish. After, her
husband, and Cooper’s partner are both murdered, these two go on the run.
The question would be…why? Why have they been reported as
suspects? They are, by all logic, victims. But, in order to explain why they
need to be on the run, they are now on the wanted list by the police. Even more
confusing are the different ways they destroy cell phones and the highly
contrived reasons as to why a simple phone call doesn’t clear up this fiasco.
Listen, the performances are fine, for the material. Vergara
is surprisingly good for the material given. I worked on the dailies, and
yes…American colloquialisms trips her up. It’s adorable and sexy at the same
time. Speaking of which, why is that even with no nudity in this movie, I feel
I’ve seen Vergara naked. There’s something about South American women with
curves.
Anyway, it’s a good watch on a slow night. There are some
fun moments. Such as when the two have to find new outfits. The banter is fun
there. Snappy and somewhat endearing. The running gag of Reese being tiny and
Vergara being old actually doesn’t wear out. Even when they’re stature and age
pop up in the most random police report. The tacked on ending will piss you
off. As will the tonal change between deadly serious and a sudden shift change
to antics. I will admit, I am charmed by a female buddy picture. “The Heat” was
fun, and in a way, “Spy” was about the same thing as this movie…girls can enjoy
the company of other girls without guys having to save the day. I think because
I grew up with incredibly strong willed women (both my sisters own their own
home before they were 30, and one is raising two kids…I only know a handful of
COUPLES that even own their own home, which is with a dual income). This movie
is far-fetched but not a complete waste of time.
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